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    Inspirational People - Laz Assaratti, Mindrush!

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    https://www.mindrush.org.uk/

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    https://www.mind.org.uk/

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    https://www.thecalmzone.net/

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    I’m sure you all remember Laz Assiratti from Beddau in Wales; On the 18th April 2020 Laz and friend Dave did a 24-hour DJ set, raising £3515.70 for NHS charities. As one of Roaming Brits Inspirational people, I am delighted to once again inform all of you, of his latest charitable endeavour and hope you will show your support for this spirited, galvanising young man.

    Laz is currently undertaking a 2300-mile bike ride to every football league club in the country – his aim, to raise money for two fantastic mental health charities. His charities of choice are ‘Mind’ and ‘CALM’ (Campaign Against Living Miserably.) I have worked with ‘Mind’ myself in the past, and they were instrumental in helping me survive a particularly challenging time in my life. Without their support, my circumstances would have been very different today.

    Laz has his own experiences with anxiety and depression, witnessing the loss of two people through suicide and several others who tried to take their own lives. These unpredictable times have brought all our consternations to the fore and anything we can do to support those who need it most is important. Laz has stepped up to the mark once again and not only wants to raise money for two fantastic charities, but he also wants to raise awareness of subjects most of us find hard to talk about.

    Laz’s love of football has given him the motivation to push himself to his limits, in order to highlight a problem, close to his heart. This is a sport that has been touched by suicide over many years, highlighted in Laz’s mission statement in his blog, which I will include links to below.

    As someone who understands the difficulties of despondency, loneliness and suicide I would like to wholeheartedly endorse Laz and his continued efforts to assist those in greatest need. Throughout this pandemic, all of us have seen a growth in mental health problems but very few of us have done anything to try and turn the tide of despair. Without people like Laz, stories of struggle wouldn’t be highlighted and most of us would remain oblivious to the magnitude of the problem we all face. You may not suffer with depression today, but chances are, you will in the future.

    Laz isn’t a professional athlete, he is just an ordinary person, like you or I. He is however someone who wants to help, play his part and give something back, especially at a time of crisis. It is difficult changing attitudes and perceptions overnight, but by drawing attention to subjects close to his heart, he hopes to begin the process of reconnecting others with concerns that deserve all our support!

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    Click Above To Donate!

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    Time With Friends!

    I have been fortunate to spend time with friends during the last week. Usually I am working non-stop and get very little time to myself, but having two weeks off, with nowhere to go, I have been able to make time for people who matter. I am very 'picky' about those I choose to mix with these days; based on previous experience it is a necessary fact of life. Having said that it was great see two people who mean a lot to me.

    Last Thursday I was able to spend the evening with my mate from work James, someone I have grown very fond of over the last few years here in Portsmouth. He makes me laugh and always holds a good conversation. He was someone I always looked forward to seeing, until he moved departments about a year ago. Both of us have been meaning to get together for a drink, so I am grateful I had the time this week.

    Ten cocktails each at Gunwarf Quays in Southsea, plenty of gossip and chatter and for the first time in months, I felt relaxed and happy to be in the company of someone other than family. I have to find more time to spend with friends, I know that, but with Darrell in Australia I do find it difficult. James cheered me up no end and put a smile back on my face, which was most definitely needed!
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    From a relatively new friend, to someone I have known for many years.  I met Ramona in 1992, nearly thirty years ago, and we hit it off almost immediately. Attending University together, we were inseparable, spending every free moment together. I suppose Ramona knows me nearly as much as my husband; our history goes back a generation; we spent many happy times together.

    I haven't seen as much of Ramona as I should in recent years, our lives went in very different directions. She was most certainly the sensible one and managed to reign me back from oblivion on many occasions. During this pandemic, we once again got in contact and very much continued where we left off, as we always do.  Meeting on Sunday was probably just what we both needed. Many of my issues resonate with Ramona, and we were able to talk about subjects only we could understand.

    It was great to get out of Portsmouth for a bit as well and go for a wonderful meal at The Chilworth Arms, my favourite gastro pub, near Southampton. The food is always delicious, beautifully presented and piping hot. Although the price is a little more expensive at £17.95, compared to a typical Carvery for Sunday lunch, the experience is worth every penny. It was the perfect atmosphere to chat, catch up, remember the last thirty years and enjoy each other's company, as we always do.

    Back in Portsmouth, we were able to take a brisk four mile walk along Southsea sea front, perfect for blowing away the cobwebs. It was reassuring to speak to Ramona about my current thoughts and feelings, something I can't often do with others. She has always been a good listener and great at giving advice, even if I didn't always take it. Being reminded of the past, especially now is comforting. It is certainly a reminder that things won't always be this way and the World will eventually get back to normal. Unable to hug as we used to, we have at least made arrangements to see each other once a month, as long as we can; friendship is important now, more than ever, COVID is testimony to that!
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    Confronting the Past!

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    I am currently in the middle of a two-week holiday from work. Darrell was due to fly to the UK for our 25th Anniversary last week, but as we all know, circumstances have prevented us being reunited after ten months apart. Like most couples in our position, we are doing what we can to make the most of our difficult situation. With the second wave of the pandemic sweeping through the country, it is likely we won't be able to see each other for a long time yet and are trying to work out a plan to overcome any worst case scenario. My Member of Parliament is on our case and after speaking with Darrell over the last seven days, I have suggested his West Australian MP also gets involved, hopefully working with mine and the Home Office to come up with an acceptable resolution for both of us. Only time will tell, if this strategy works!
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    Last Wednesday I went to see my Father, the first time I have seen him since the pandemic broke in March of this year. I am still very reluctant to be in his company; I have three jobs and mix with a lot of different people, so the risks of exposure I encounter every day are more than I would like. However, my Father had arranged for us to talk socially distanced, in his conservatory, and we had a lot to discuss.

    I haven't seen eye to eye with Dad recently, so it was the perfect opportunity to make my views count and clear up a few misconceptions. We talked for a good few hours about a number of different subjects; for the first time in my life, I was able to explain my feelings about my life growing up gay and just how it had affected my mental well-being. To be honest, like most parents, I don't think he fully understood just what I went through as a child, nevertheless this was an important first conversation to have and it felt as if we had started to lay ghosts to rests.

    It wasn't until recently that I realised just what role my past has played in my life, especially during the last few years. Many of the health issues I have now, begun during a particularly traumatic childhood; coming to terms with them, has pushed me towards finally confronting my demons. Despite this, their significance has remained a constant source of angst and become a brutal reminder of a past I would rather forget in most respects.

    It was important to speak with Dad about topics rarely discussed, we still don't fully understand each others point of view, but have certainly started the process of moving forwards positively. There are many things I want to forget and this is just the beginning of that conversation. In time, I hope both of us will finally understand one another.
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    25 Years Together - An Anniversary Like No Other!

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    2020 has been a year we all want to forget; If I could wish this time away, I would. Today Darrell and I are celebrating 25 years together, a milestone, neither of us thought would happen. When I left the UK in 1995 with Darrell, wearing nothing but the clothes on my back, pulling a broken suitcase over Westminster bridge, towards our new life together, never would I have imagined where we would be today. Falling in love was easy, staying together against all the odds was hard, as we fought a system, geared against us, to remain together through thick and thin. Only a pandemic has forced us to live apart, during the most important milestone in our life.

    Our relationship began at a time of change for same-sex couples. Civil Partnerships and Marriage were not yet legal and the Government of the day refused to admit our relationship even existed. There were no laws in place to protect us and recognise our commitment to one another. I was encouraged to leave Britain and restart my life elsewhere, somewhere more accepting of our de facto partnership; we were unable to remain together in the UK and our journey together was about to get rocky. This was the beginning of many battles, before both of us were finally recognised in the eyes of the law and allowed to stay together in Britain, six years later.

    Darrell and I have campaigned and strived for equality all our lives. Our same-sex status was a stumbling block to our happiness, because we were treated as second class citizens; our sexuality was labelled as 'against the grain' and considered 'abnormal' to those in charge. We are still living under the auspices of the Immigration and Nationality Directorate; even today, both of us continue to live in a state of flux. Our life together is documented and recorded, and we have to prove every move we make, always remembering that we may be called to the Home Office at any stage, in order to clarify our adherence to each other. Not only do we have an obligation to inform the Immigration Department of our movements, but in the event of Darrell breaking the terms of his 'Indefinite Leave To Remain' visa, he would be ordered to leave the UK, or left unable to return - a situation we are facing today!

    Darrell and I are in a precarious situation, probably facing the most difficult circumstances we have ever endured before. We have come up against many obstacles over the years and overcome each and every one of them, but this situation is immeasurably different. Darrell's Mother of course remains terminally ill in Australia and as her only child, Darrell is her chief carer, looking after her every day. We both agreed that he should spend these final months with her in Perth, while I returned to the UK to be with my family at an equally testing time.

    Neither of us could have foreseen the pandemic that is currently raging across the World and our plans have been shattered. In order to meet the terms of his visa, Darrell can not remain outside the UK for too long and until recently, he was due to return to Portsmouth this month. With international boarders shut and flights banned across Australasia, this is no longer possible, and we are unable to see each other as we would have liked. More importantly we are hoping that Darrell's ability to travel is granted soon, before his right to return is cancelled under the terms of his visa.

    I have managed to contact my local Member of Parliament Stephen Morgan, who has been proactive in his support for our case. He has written to the Home Office on our behalf in order to clarify our situation. Both of us are hoping the Government will waver the strict conditions of the visa at this time and should Darrell have to remain in Australia over a longer period, he will be allowed to return here unhindered, when circumstances allow, and we can carry on life much as before. I am of course a realist and understand just how right wing this Government is. It is unlikely they will look favourably at our case, but at least I have tried my best to highlight our difficulties.

    Who would have thought we would be where we are today as a couple, living through a pandemic, separated by illness, thousands of miles away on the other side of the World. We are where we are and can't change what is happening, events are completely out of our control. I have never been any good at thinking positively, probably because my life has always been such a roller-coaster ride. However this is a time to concentrate on the here and now, live our lives one day at a time and continue saving hard for the post pandemic era. No matter how bad things are, Darrell and I, like all of you have a future ahead of us, and we will live our life very much as we have always done, for the next 25 years - unconventional, focused on our goals and always dreaming of something better. This year has tested us to our limits, but 2021 will extinguish the year that never was and hopefully open doors to new opportunities and a destiny that is ours for the taking.
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    IBS - Changing Diet!

    After another GI diagnosis last Thursday and ongoing pain, I have decided to radically change my diet. I have been feeling so sick in recent times, that this is the only course of action I feel I can take now, to try and ease my symptoms. I have so many Gastric issues, that I really am not sure what to do for the best, but I have started by removing most meat from my diet and have begun the process of transferring to a predominantly plant based diet. This sounds great on the surface and not too difficult to achieve, but when one factors in all my problems it is actually a nightmare.

    Keeping meat to a minimum should help to reduce my digestive predicament. Meat is probably the hardest food to consume, for me at least, so anything that reduces this ongoing hurdle is welcome. I have also discovered I can no longer eat dairy and am possibly lactose intolerant, but will have to undergo further tests to find out for sure. Gluten is another area of concern, which seems to be eased by only eating sourdough bread. Then there is IBS, and that is the most demanding condition of all. There is so much I can't eat any more - spicy food to onions, garlic, chocolate and fatty foods, processed and sugary comestibles, curry, chilli and heavy sauces. The difficulty breaking down fat, probably has more to do with my recent diagnosis of gall stones than anything, but it is an extra element to this GI dilemma.

    The hiatus hernia, also has its fair share of demands and I have had to give up alcohol, except for a very occasional drink and large portions of food, which are hard to metabolise. The hernia has caused some swallowing difficulties, so I have to chew my food longer and more thoroughly, drinking water after every mouthful; life is becoming such a chore right now. Finally, Diverticular Disease; This has its own unique set of challenges - beans, certain fruit and vegetables and any food that is fermented is detrimental to my constitution. Added together, I am living through a torment, that never seems to end.

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    Tonight I cooked a soya bolognaise, used celery instead of onions, peppers, mushrooms and plenty of spinach and it tasted OK, just OK. There wasn't a lot of flavour to it, so I need to find an IBS friendly spice to give it a bit of oomph in the future. I did put a few teaspoons of Marmite in, which did help, but it just had something missing. Cooking for all the conditions I have is going to be difficult, but I am determined not to give up. I'm not able to have the necessary procedures to solve my gastric contentions presently, so will continue very much in the same vein as I am now.

    The COVID pandemic has only made my life harder, unable to access many of the services that would help me right now, but I hope, in time, as we move towards the post Coronavirus World, I will finally be able to get to grips with my gastric symptoms. None of these conditions are deadly, but my quality of life has been severely hampered and a determination to get back to normal is the motivation that spurs me ever onwards, every day, hoping to beat the demons that currently plague my thoughts!
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    The GI Jigsaw!

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    Thursday, I attended an ultrasound appointment at a decidedly empty St Mary's Treatment Centre in Portsmouth. This latest consultation is yet another in a long line, as I try and get to grips with my IBS diagnosis. As a rule an IBS sufferer would not have to undergo such a series of comprehensive tests, but as I approach fifty years of age, it is important that my GP rules out anything sinister that may account for the severity of my symptoms. I have been suffering from a number of gastrointestinal issues for several years now, ever since I was prescribed a course of antibiotics to treat a particularly nasty UTI; my gut health just hasn't been the same since.

    I was diagnosed with diverticular disease several years ago, after undergoing a sigmoidoscopy; I thought I finally had a diagnosis, that with careful management, would lead to a more comfortable life. Eating the right foods and other lifestyle changes, should go a long way in helping me live with the common condition. It really isn't unusual for someone of my age to suffer from this disorder; a western diet and behaviours all contribute towards the small pouches that form in the sigmoid colon, creating discomfort, occasional infection and sporadic complications. However, the pain I was experiencing, didn't conform to the stereotypical norms for this indisposition.

    I decided to try and find answers, as to what exactly was going on. The Doctors constantly put my GI malaise and anxiety down to IBS, as they frequently do, when they can't find answers. To be honest it was easy to see why, I have all the classic symptoms, which do seem to be exacerbated by stress. A prescription of Mebeverine, Buscopan, probiotic pills and enzymes were given, but did little to ease the symptoms. I changed my diet, discovering by accident that I was lactose intolerant. I stopped eating normal bread, swapping to Sour Dough alternatives instead and significantly reduced my intake of fatty, sugary and spicy foods. This dramatic change has actually helped a lot, and I am no longer suffering from the extreme complications I used to experience; nevertheless, something inside was telling me there was more to this and I continued to seek answers.

    Three months ago I was taken to Hospital, in the middle of this pandemic, with a suspected heart attack and was given a series of tests to determine the cause of the agony. Eventually the A&E Doctor came back to me with a Hiatal Hernia diagnosis, and I was immediately prescribed Omeprazole to help with the intense pain. The effectiveness of this drug soon waned, and I was given a twice daily dose of Lansoprazole instead, which thankfully does its job and I have little ongoing irritation and even less flare-ups than I used too. Once again, I thought I finally had the answer and hoped things would start to get back to normal; nothing could be further from the truth, and my symptoms just got worse, prompting me to insist that my GP does everything he can to get to the bottom of this saga.

    It has been difficult and challenging trying to get answers during this COVID pandemic, but my surgery have been amazing at helping me try to solve this GI jigsaw. I have had blood, urine and stool tests as well as physical examinations, but am still no clearer as to what is going on. Recently, after a terrible bout of pain I filled in an online form at my surgery urging my GP to refer me for an ultrasound, a procedure I had read about online and something that could shed further light on my problems. He agreed to my request and I went for the scan on Thursday this week.

    During the ultrasound, which did hurt it has to be said, the consultant discovered I had gallstones and said it was likely my gall bladder would have to be removed, as these small stones would otherwise keep coming back. She reassured me this was perfectly normal and would be carried out during keyhole surgery, stressing that you can live quite happily without the gall bladder. Again I was given yet another piece in the GI jigsaw I have been trying to put together, but whether this is the end of the matter, I very much doubt.

    Because we are living through a pandemic, I am not able to have an endoscopy and further sigmoidoscopy recommended by my Doctor, so I still don't have a full picture of my circumstances. I have no idea when any operation will be scheduled, because all non-essential surgical interventions are on hold, but I am at least happier I am beginning to understand the issues, that have been affecting me over the last few years. Everyone I have spoken to and discussed my problems with, thought I was overreacting I am sure, saying my anxiety was responsible for the pain, but I know now that wasn't the case, and I was right to pursue answers. I do have IBS, but there are clearly other factors at play here; as the consultant said on Thursday, 'I will probably see a reduction in symptoms, when all the gastrointestinal problems are solved,' muddling through temporarily, until I can finally breathe happily again. Too often we are fobbed off and discouraged from seeking answers to problems, that can all to easily be defined as IBS. It is up to us to insist, scream and shout if necessary, in order to feel well and alive once again, getting the treatment we deserve and care that is so often lacking! 
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