I've spent the afternoon with Cousins Chris and Maria, enjoying quality time walking along the seafront in Southsea. The last time I saw them was when I first arrived back in the UK at the end of May, so it was good to catch up with family gossip. I feel a great bond with both of these two and always enjoy being in their company. Chris and Maria are a tangible link to my maternal family, that I wouldn't otherwise have.
Parentage has become a priority in my life since I moved into my Aunts house and is integral to my wellbeing. I am here for my Mother predominantly, but I am also home to assess my role in our family, as odd as that seems; let me try an explain what I mean. I have never felt great attachment to my heritage, unlike many people I have known. I was never invited to gatherings or functions and was very much the black sheep. By all accounts that was a label I wore well, using my estrangement as an excuse to cause mayhem and madness in my life. The truth is, I didn't need anyone to create problems and obstacles as I grew up, I was well able to do that myself!
Chris and Maria picked me up today and I invited them in to see my Aunt, who like me has a label on her lapel; another reprobate who has spent as much time away from family as she has in their company. We were the rebellious ones, who no one spoke of and only discussed in derogatory terms, if at all. In his way, Chris was also a aloof from his kinfolk as a youngster, dancing at disco's, returning home when his Father, my Great Uncle Peter was on his way out to work. Like Chris and Trisha, I am trying to regain a feeling of order, direction and a sense of belonging, which is important to me at my time of life. I intend to keep building bridges; I intend to make up for the lost years.
The last time Chris and my Aunty Trisha saw one another was in 1966. Chris was a pageboy at my Mother and Fathers Wedding and Trisha a bridesmaid. This was a lifetime ago and I thought it would be great for them both to get acquainted again, even for a brief half hour. In turns out they are both the same age and also went to the same School in our home town of Fareham. Chris was in the year above and like my Aunt was brought up a Catholic, so have much in common. It is strange how families come together for functions, like Weddings and funerals, yet immediately lose contact, rarely seeing one another again, unless another celebration or tragedy brings them together. I'm not sure if that is just something that happens to our ménage, or whether it happens to others as well; whatever the reasons, it was good to see my Cousin and Aunt reunited after 52 years.
Today's walk along Southsea, was a welcome break from the drudgery of life; I enjoyed visiting the funfair, I used to frequent as a child, eating ice cream, watching the hovercraft arrive on the beach front and breathing in the sea air. This is a big part of my childhood, something I had missed. Sitting in a shelter on the promenade, I was reminded of the film 'Carry On Girls,' an echo back to seventies Britain, trying to keep warm from the elements as a rather overcast sky pointed towards yet more rain. The fair at Southsea is a hark back to the era that time forgot. The architecture is very 70s in nature and hasn't changed since I was a young lad; that is a fact I am very comfortable with. As I approach my fifth decade, I find myself getting closer to my roots, striving to get back a life I once had. Chris and Maria are a link to a past, I recollect was fondness, always looking towards happier times during periods of stress, for that I am grateful!
