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ANZAC day commemorates all those Australians and New Zealanders who have served and died in conflicts and wars. On the 25th April 1915, Australian and New Zealand soldiers formed part of the expedition designed to recapture the Gallipoli Peninsular during World War I. These soldiers became known as ANZAC's and the day was officially named in their honour in 1916.
In Western Australia, we remembered the fallen this Tuesday, with a public holiday; Darrell and I spent the day quietly, drinking Bovril (and Bonox, the Aussie alternative) and sitting by the fire on a chilly holiday afternoon. With the rain tumbling down outside, we curled up on the sofa and watched Netflix, in particular Miriam Morgolyes, and her new show, 'Almost Australian.'
Miriam's show was particularly poignant for me; I had no idea she had an Australian partner, and her journey towards citizenship was fascinating to watch. I was left feeling content with my decision to leave Britain, in the same way Miriam moved from The UK to live with her partner, Heather. Of course, my journey is very different. Neither Darrell nor I have the money she has, and we have spent many years battling to stay together through the most difficult of circumstances. However, the story of Miriam and Heather isn't all that different to our own. As I sat there watching, with the rain pouring down outside, I briefly thought about the country I left behind and Australia, the continent that feels more like home every day.
It must have been about 3.30pm when the rain stopped, and I finally got round to checking my email. I noticed a message from my solicitor, John, in my inbox, and my heart sank - what on Earth does he want on a public holiday? Judging on previous experience, emails from John aren't generally good, and it is usually highlighting a mistake in my application, asking me to rectify a stressful situation. Gingerly, I opened the email and saw the first word, 'congratulations.' I couldn't believe it; after exactly four months, the Australian government had approved my temporary and permanent residency at the same time. I was finally allowed to stay here, with no conditions and more or less the same rights as every other Australian.
It's strange, this kind of feels like the end of my story - I've been working towards this goal in one form or another, since I have been with Darrell, for near on 28 years. However, this is really just the beginning. I may well have been granted permanent residency and allowed to leave Australia as and when I wish, but this is just the start of my road to citizenship and my Australian passport. At nearly 52 years old, I am embarking on an adventure, I should have completed years ago. Like most things in life, I am rather late to the party, but I have finally got here and relishing the opportunities I have been afforded, even if I am the wrong side of 50!
My new Partner Visa allows me to live in Australia for the next five years, without any conditions. I can return to the UK and work if I wish, go travelling, live in Europe for a period, but essentially I have been given rights to live here with Darrell indefinitely. After five years, I will have to make a decision. I can renew my visa, or I can apply for citizenship and obtain an Australian passport.
At the moment, I haven't made any firm commitments about where my future lies, but having my Aussie citizenship will be a dream come true. I will also be able to keep my British passport and continue to have rights to reside and work there also. Even though that is welcome, I don't think I will be going to the UK anytime soon, certainly not to live anyway. My future most definitely is in Australia, but as Darrell and I look towards our retirement, we will have to make a decision about where to live permanently. I am still not sure Australia will be our forever home, and if I am honest my heart still lies in Spain. I have a dream to retire back to Gran Alacant and would love to eventually settle in Europe once again.
Of course, Brexit put pay to our European adventure in 2018, but times change and anything could happen in the next decade. The hope is, we will be allowed to settle in Spain at some point, when we have enough money to do so. For now, I am happy to call Australia home and build a future in Perth; ultimately I would love to get my citizenship when the time is right, but until then both Darrell and I need to knuckle down and build a new life. The rocky road we have been on for many years has suddenly got a little less rocky, and I'm at a loss to explain how everything is going our way. Can I really dare to dream? Can this really be going right? Or is everything about to come crashing down? For now, I'm just running with the good times, and thinking only positive thoughts!
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My Weight Loss Journey - October 2021 - April 2023!
Returning from Spain in 2018, I had the opportunity to rebuild my life, in a way I had never done before. With Darrell remaining in Gran Alacant, I could start to live healthily, and begin repairing the damage caused by years of neglect. Step one, after 34 years, I decided to finally give up smoking. I was feeling physically sick every morning, and coughing my guts up for the first few hours of the day, which was a worrying sign and not something I wanted to continue. The time had finally come to chuck the cigarettes in the bin.
Anyone who smokes, does so for their own personal reasons. I started at school, so I could avoid PE, a subject I detested. Rather than kicking a ball around a pitch in the freezing cold, I dodged games and sat alone just outside the school gates puffing away on a fag. To be honest no one back then really cared, and the fact I could just walk into the local newsagents in Valentines Close and buy a packet of 10 JPS, without anyone so much as batting an eyelid, meant I could quietly smoke to my heart's content. Physical Education was pretty traumatic for me, I hated it, in every respect. I was the chubby kid, no one wanted to pick to join a team and the thought of playing football, cricket or rounders with a group of alpha male teenage boys was horrifying. Anxiety made me reach for the cigarettes all those years ago, and it was also instrumental in making me give up in 2018.
When you are feeling unwell, every day, you know it’s time to change your life. Starting a new journey, in Portsmouth, meant I could finally close a chapter on my past. With willpower and determination, I was able to kick the habit. There was no vape, no patches, pills or hypnosis and except for a couple of slip ups early on, I was, and still am, finally free of nicotine; this was an amazing achievement for me, not least because of my previous militant smoking credentials.
Of course, giving up cigarettes does have many downsides; I started to pile on the pounds more than ever. Instead of reaching for a cigarette when I was stressed, I started to snack – sweets, chocolate, pies, pastries, in fact anything I could get hold of. With Darrell still in Gran Alacant, my anxiety levels were soaring and with little or no support from anyone else, I really could have done with a smoke, but I resisted and continued to strive towards the end goal; with every day that passed, it got easier and easier. Eventually I didn’t give cigarettes a second thought, but my eating was out of control and by 2021, I was so overweight it was effecting my health.
It was an effort to get out of bed every morning. My back and hips were painful, my legs hurt more than when I went to bed, and my feet were throbbing and burning. Walking up and down stairs was an effort, and my fifteen-minute walk to work felt like a 26-mile marathon. I was the most unfit I had ever been, and my circumstances were making the situation worse.
Deep down I was extremely unhappy in Portsmouth, although I never tended to show it. In truth, I had never liked the city, even though I adored the people; I felt trapped every day and there was nothing I could do to change it. As much as I would have loved to speak to someone about the pain I was feeling, I just couldn’t; no one would listen. I can't thank my family enough for giving me a roof over my head when I needed it most, but they were not the most empathetic bunch of characters. I found solace in food, because it was the easy way out, and it helped me deal with the low mood I was feeling every day.
My work colleagues were the ones that got me through the next few years, as I began to distance myself from the bad influences in my life and spend most of the time alone. When the pandemic took hold in the UK, it was the perfect opportunity to change every aspect of my being, and I started to walk at least 5 km a day. Darrell was trapped thousands of miles away in Australia, but alone with my thoughts, I began making plans for the future, and those plans began with keeping fit and losing weight.
In October 2021 I weighed more or less a hundred kilos, I was at the Doctors every week and was in bad shape both physically and mentally. The GP did what she could to help, but I had to change my lifestyle, if I was going to feel well again. My circumstances were deeply depressing and were just making the ailments I suffered with worse. The decision to lose weight was born from anxiety, stress and a desire to feel good again. I wanted to walk without pain, eat without overeating, and begin to restore the life I once had.
Changing what you eat isn’t easy, I had tried many diets in the past, and failed spectacularly every time. I wanted it to be different this time, and went on a strict calorie controlled diet, meticulously watching everything I ate. Unlike previous attempts to lose weight, this time I would eat anything I wanted, in moderation of course, and would keep one day a week free to indulge in the finest things in life. This was the way I achieved my goal; for six days a week I did everything by the book and on day seven I would let go and enjoy myself, eating and drinking whatever I wanted. So far it has worked well and a year and a half later I am down to 72kg, after shedding a quarter of my body weight
Today I am in a good place and still looking after myself well. I walk at least, 10000 steps a day, and continue to follow a healthy eating regime. I have adjusted my diet plan to take account of my new weight, and I am not as strict as I was before. Having learnt to regulate my food intake, today I eat to live, not live to eat. My weight has finally levelled out, and I am quietly confident I will remain committed to this new life I am following. For me, the pandemic was positive in many respects. Initially I was scared into losing weight, because of the complications of Covid, but as time went on I started to enjoy the new freedoms weight loss brings, and today I am finally happy with myself and the road I am on. Only time will tell if my hard work pays off, but until then, I will continue to strive for a fitter, healthier life; it’s certainly been a long time coming!
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Eight years ago, I was trying to make sense of traumatic events that were shaping my world. 2015 was not the greatest year of my life, but it was, however, one that would teach me much about people and the lengths they will go to, to cause harm to others. Darrell and I went through a torrid time; abused and attacked by people we thought were friends and colleagues, we made a life-changing decision to leave Britain and restart our life far away from the nightmare engulfing our every waking hour.
We both had good jobs, worked hard, and did our best to help others when we could. We had a lot of people around us, some good, some bad, but as we stumbled through that painful thing called life, we felt happy and secure with the characters that made up our close circle of friends. These were positive people in the main, and as our circumstances changed, and my health began to suffer, we were lucky enough to have the support of some truly amazing individuals.
It was difficult to understand what was happening to me, and even harder to determine just who to trust. I was aware that something strange was happening, but I just couldn’t understand what. Writing down my thoughts and feelings, was a way of coming to terms with situations that were beyond my control. It allowed me to express my emotions in a way I wouldn't otherwise have been able to. The turmoil that was overwhelming me, was difficult to fathom, but by documenting events, I could begin to discover the reasons behind my immense feeling of sadness.
I have written much about that time in 2015 - not all of it legible, much of it rambling, and all of it difficult to reread. The bullying that made me who I am today, had been methodically collated in abraded unedited paragraphs, that painted a picture of mistreatment and intimidation. Even today, I haven’t read my original blog; the trauma I suffered is just too recent, and the effects too raw.
The decisions Darrell and I made in 2015 were the catalyst for a journey we are both still on today. After a life spent together in the UK, we decided to sell up, move away and leave Britain for good. After our marriage in September 2015, we embarked on a new life in Spain, and the darkness that surrounded my first blog all but disappeared. I continued to write about the confusing occurrences, that prompted our departure with gusto, but my melancholia had turned into anger and rage at what had happened. In beautiful, idyllic surroundings, I was able to sit with a clear head, and finally understand just what brought me to Spain.
Spain was an enlightening experience, it finally gave me a reason to live again. I was the happiest I had been in a long time and the stress and depression of 2015 gradually began to diminish and dwindle, finally subsiding into obscurity, as my new life in Gran Alacant became my priority.
Writing about my adventure on the Costa Blanca became a cleansing and cathartic exercise. Each day, I wrote about the mundane aspects of Spain, the cost of living, friends and the milestones that became so important, as I integrated into Expat life. Even when Darrell had to return home to Australia, while his Mother went through treatment for cancer, I still wrote - engaging, contented words linked to a country and a dream I could finally call home. This was the most free I had felt in years, and I was finally doing what I wanted, not what others expected me to do.
Our Spanish dream was not meant to be, and I was just grateful to have lived there, for as long as I did. As Darrell's Mother got worse and my Mum was taken into hospital, we left Gran Alacant, Darrell returning to Australia, me moving in with my Aunt in the UK, to be close to my Mum during the final years of her life. I was back in a Country I despised, but surrounded by loved ones, and I made the most of what I had left.
I spend four productive years in Portsmouth, surviving against all the odds, building up a substantial amount of money during the pandemic and working in a job I loved. Even while working, often long unsociable hours, I was able to keep writing and documenting some truly historic times. The streets were empty, businesses were closed, and I explored a city I knew little about, despite being born there in 1971.
The years I spent with family were bitter-sweet. In the main, they were good; I got to know my Aunt and Cousins well and loved every minute I spent with them. All of them gave me a reason to live, especially when Darrell was trapped in Australia at the height of the pandemic. I celebrated some important landmarks with my kin folk, my 25th wedding anniversary and my 50th Birthday and despite the sadness I felt, not having Darrell with me, I was content with family who supported and loved me.
Like most good things in life, times changed, and the fruitful, hard-working period I enjoyed in Portsmouth turned sour. Suddenly, the people I loved were no longer there. Affection turned to hate and resentment and by the time Darrell returned to the UK, my days in Portsmouth were already numbered. Once again, my blogging turned dark as unhappiness and dejection became the prominent feature in my life. It was time to move on and leave the past behind. Even the ones you love the most can hurt you, but I wasn’t in the mood for forgiveness, and I am glad to be away from people who made my final months in the UK some of the most hurtful and miserable in my life.
Of course, it didn’t all end so badly; I made some amazing friends in Portsmouth who will always be with me. They were the saving grace and a reason to write happy and uplifting thoughts, even during the most upsetting of times. The closing few weeks before we left for Australia were filled with love, laughter and unforgettable memories; everything else didn’t matter any more. We could leave with our heads held high on the final leg of our eight-year journey and a desire to finally be free.
When faced with unsurmountable challenges, Darrell and I always walk away. Both of us hate confrontation and with the stability that kept us together as a family crumbling, it was once again time to say goodbye. Australia is the final stop on a deeply personal and challenging eight years. When I decided to start blogging in 2015, I could never have predicted where I would be today. In April 2023, Darrell and I are living the quiet life down under; both of us have fantastic jobs and have bought a new home together. As our eyes look towards the future, I remember the immortal words I wrote all those years ago ‘ live life better, achieve everything you desire and don’t let the bad times destroy your future.’ We have done this unreservedly and continue to strive for prosperity in this unforgiving World!
... And finally, I would like to wish all my readers a very happy Easter, and thank you for your continual support!