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    One Month To Go!

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    I've had a busy day today, on my one day off this week. After a trip to the Doctors and a walk into town, I went with my Aunt to the Southsea Medical Centre, so she could get her final injections for our trip to Asia, which is approaching ever faster. My Aunt had the same immunisations as me but with one noticeable difference, an MMR jab. Recently there has been a bad outbreak of measles in South Korea and my Aunty was also given this jab in preparation for our upcoming visit. Naturally I was anxious about my own well-being when travelling to this part of the World, having not had the appropriate injection thus far!

    This afternoon I phoned my surgery to ask for advise on whether or not I should have this jab done. After giving my details to the receptionist she quickly spoke to a nurse, giving me a ring back an hour later. She was concerned about the measles fare-up and suggested I attend the surgery to have the appropriate medication administered before I leave, followed by a second injection on my return to the UK.

    The one thing I have discovered about this holiday to Asia, is the amount of preparation involved before leaving Britain. There are different illnesses and diseases to take account of and protect against and the expense involved can be considerable. These are factors all of us should take into consideration before we embark on expeditions to the back of beyond, something most of us do not think about until it is too late. Like my Aunt I am trying my hardest to protect myself against any eventuality, I certainly do not want to suffer the ravages of some exotic, tropical indisposition. Both of us are also well aware of the importance of purchasing the best mosquito repellent money can buy. Luckily my Aunty has travelled extensively all over the World and is well versed in the necessary precautions.

    Apart from this unexpected immunisation, my Aunt, husband in Australia and I seem to be more than ready for departure now and are all  looking forward to some much needed time out. My husband and I have been apart for six months and it is important we see as much of each other as we can. It is difficult living through a long distance relationship, especially when one isn't used to it. It is also dreadfully debilitating dealing with the issues of illness that keep us both apart at this time. For these reasons, both Darrell and I need these kind of meetings, not easy when we live thousands of miles from each other. The benefits of this journey will most certainly outweigh the costs.

    I have just a few bits and pieces to deal with now; last minute paperwork and a small number of items to purchase before we are due to fly. The nerves have started to kick in and I await with anticipation as we prepare to leave. The eight flights, four countries and three weeks away will be a challenge for me; I haven't been on a jaunt like this for many years, but I am looking forward to the ups and downs that we are likely to encounter along the way. The next time I blog about Asia, will be when I land on Vietnamese soil, until then normal blogging will resume!
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    Brexit Madness!

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    Since returning to the UK last year, there has only been one word on peoples lips ‘Brexit.’ Everyone has a view or opinion about what Britain should do and just how we should leave the European Union. Soft Brexit, hard Brexit or no deal, just three of the options on the table and not one of them a clear choice for the powers that be.
     
    The last few weeks have been a ‘car crash’ for the negotiations to leave on March 29th 2019, a date that will now pass without fanfare. The only difference to the current situation we are facing, is we really have no firm leaving date at all; all options are open. Parliament initially rejected the draft withdrawal agreement mainly because of the ‘backstop’ clause in the document. The backstop is essentially a security measure, intended to ensure there is no hard boarder between Northern and Southern Ireland, in the event that no formal trade agreement can be reached later down the line. In effect if no arrangement is agreed, Northern Ireland would remain in the Customs Union and single market, thus creating a frictionless boarder. The main objection to this clause is that Britain could still be tied to Europe, with no firm time limit on the backstop specified. For many MP’s it is unthinkable that Northern Ireland would remain within the regulatory structure of the EU, split from the rest of the United Kingdom, threatening the very fabric of the union itself.
     
    Members of Parliament voted on a series of amendments to the withdrawal bill, charging Theresa May with the difficult task of renegotiating the agreement with Brussels, removing the backstop from the draft document; on top of this they have signaled their objection to a ‘No Deal Brexit,’ which seems to be at odds with the demands they are placing on the Prime Minister. The European Union have already stated they will not renegotiate the deal on the table, so it would seem we are heading for a ‘No Deal Brexit’ anyway. Europe was in no mood for compromise; Theresa May returned to Britain empty handed and had to ask Members of Parliament to vote for a second time on her original bill. Once again the proposed withdrawal agreement was scuppered and Theresa May lost for a second time.
     
    When I lived in Spain, I wasn’t truly in touch with how the British felt about Brexit. I heard snippets of information, but essentially my life carried on very much in the same vein it always had. Brexit really wasn’t affecting me on a daily basis, so I just chose to ignore it. Here in the UK, you just can’t get away from the stress of this highly contentious topic. Only yesterday the news announced more job losses as a result of the instability in the UK economy and with other famous brands threatening to relocate their Head Offices and foreign nationals packing their bags in readiness to leave in a few short months, none of us are completely sure how this saga will end.

    Tonight Members of The House of Commons will vote on a series of Indicative amendments, hopefully suggesting a way forward in this exhausting Brexit process. Rather than saying what they don't want, MP's are charged with expressing a view on what they do want. So far Parliament has been unable to decide how to proceed, only stating its opposition to Theresa May's deal with the EU. A consensus may well be reached tonight, or not, depending on just where politicians want to go next. Revoking Article 50, leaving with a 'no deal,' a new referendum on the withdrawal agreement or a delay to Brexit itself, just a few of the options that will be considered. Of course if no one choice emerges as the favourite, the Prime Minister is likely to once again put her deal on the table, simply because it is the only way Brexit can be delivered. Nothing is certain as politicians from all sides try and break this Brexit impasse.
     
    Personally I think Parliament will support the withdrawal agreement in the end, they really don’t have a choice; in their eyes the alternative is far worse. I believe we should just walk away and get on with it, if that is what it takes then so be it; as a nation we have survived before and will do so again. Having the courage to do what is necessary is vital for the prosperity of all, we should not sign a deal at any cost. The uncertainty and instability up and down the country at present is destroying the economy, indeed the very fabric of society. It is essential the Government does all it can to finally move the debate forward, signaling its intentions to end the deadlock!

    Today is yet another crucial day in the Brexit story. Every week for as long as I can remember has been a milestone in this ongoing serial drama. The twists and turns of an embattled nation has been aired for all the World to see and as we pass the original leaving day of 29 March, the waters seem muddier than ever before. It looks likely however the PM will win through, the threat of Britain not leaving the EU will be too much for Brexiteers to stomach and finally we will be able to once again forge our own way in the World. Until that day finally comes, the spectacle of a Country at war with itself will continue and there are likely to be more difficult days ahead. All of us looking on with baited breath are watching history in the making, the final chapter about to be written; what happens tonight will be pivotal for the story of our nation, as Brexit slowly, painfully comes to an end!
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  • Published on

    Partnership!

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    This morning while getting ready for work I received a text message from Darrell in Australia, telling me he missed me, words we often exchange, considering the great distance between us and our inability to say it to each other face to face. We have been living apart now for six months, as he continues to care for his ailing Mother in Australia, during her battle with terminal cancer. I miss my husband everyday and find our current circumstances difficult to endure at times. When you have to live away from the person you love, you really do feel the stresses and strains of life ten fold. Today I have to cope with life as a single man, not something I am used to, having been in a relationship since I was eighteen years old and on days like today our separation does take its toll.

    I have always believed in relationships, taking a lead from my parents and their fifty two years together. I have never seen eye to eye with Mum and Dad on most things, but have always admired their sense of loyalty to one another and the love they share. Relationships do indeed have their ups and downs and like most people, Darrell and I have gone through some very rough times, that aren't over yet, as we both approach our fifties.  Unlike most people however, we have always worked through our issues. There have been many times when we could have split up, but our shared experiences and understanding for one another has allowed us to forgive and forget far more willingly. Relationships are about partnership and we have always been there for one another, no matter what the circumstances.

    The limits of what we can stand as a couple has been tested in recent years and we have had to adjust our life dramatically to accommodate ever changing circumstances. Darrell is living in Australia with his Mother once again, as he did in 2016/17, when she was first diagnosed with cancer. This time I am lucky enough to be staying with family in the UK, a Godsend when I remember the challenging situation I experienced in Spain. There I lived alone, just me and my two cats; I spent seven months struggling to survive in the harsh Spanish climate, without any support at all. I miss Darrell everyday, but I can cope far better, being around those I love.

    When I look back over our twenty four years as a couple I am well aware of just how much we rely on one another, even today. In the past, our life followed the same path, we had the same friends, at times the same employer and were always a pair that went out together, with friends or otherwise. Despite being surrounded by my Aunt and numerous Cousins, Mum, Dad and work colleagues on a daily basis, rarely having five minutes to myself, I essentially remain lonely and feel like I am drifting all at sea, without my right hand man. I am not enjoying this period away from my partner, I am doing what I have to, doing the right thing and doing what is expected of me at this time. Our wishes are not important right now, other people have to take priority; eventually when all this is over, we will be together once again.

    None of us know what will happen in our lives, who we will meet, form relationships with and ultimately spend the rest of our lives with, but we are all well aware of the here and now. I have come to the realisation that we should all live life in the present, especially in our case. We can not make plans, because the path we are currently on is ever changing and just when we think our life is back on track, we are thrown another obstacle to overcome. I have long given up on planning for the future and will in all probability continue to struggle for the foreseeable future. For me there is no oasis on the horizon and I will just have to continue fighting to survive. I am not trying to deliberately sound downbeat but I am trying to build a sense of reality and reluctantly accept my current situation, which isn't ideal.

    In one months time I will finally meet up with Darrell once again as we rondezvous in Hong Kong and together with my Aunt fly to Korea, enjoying ten days as a couple, no doubt arguing and stressing as every other couple do on holiday. It will be a welcome break for both of us navigating our way through this demanding period in both our lives. Darrell and I can briefly relax and have a little bit of quality time together, despite the pressures on us both right now. We may well be living thousands of miles apart, but the story of our partnership goes on. The bumps in the road make for a rocky ride but the thrill of exertion keeps memories alive!
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    Mother and Father - Looking To The future!

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    On Wednesday I went to visit Mum and Dad, along with my Aunt. My parents still live in the same family home in Catisfield, where my Aunty lived before she left home at eighteen years old; this is the first time, she has returned in two decades. The bungalow they live in has changed dramatically during the years my Mother and Father have lived there, but essentially it is the same building it always was. This old place encompasses many memories for my Aunt Trisha and you could see she was thoughtful as she walked around the rooms. A home is really only a pile of bricks and mortar, but the stories it could tell, if only it could talk, would be irreplaceable. I certainly don't have the same connection to this building as I do to 'Nashe House,' where I grew up as a child, but I understand the emotions involved in that trip down memory lane, the same journey I took a few weeks ago.

    Mum and Dad's life in  Catisfield is coming to an end, as they reach the end of an era. After several generations, they have finally sold their home and are looking forward to moving back to the village where my Father was born. They are moving into a purpose built complex, which has everything they need for a comfortable retirement, right on their doorstep. A cinema, restaurants, shops and extensive grounds will improve the quality of life for my parents dramatically. Friary Meadow as it is called, will not be cheap, with property prices starting at three hundred and eighty thousand pounds, but it will ensure a standard of living they are used to and give them more freedom to live life the way they want.

    Mum's disability is an ongoing issue and she requires carers to help my father lift her from the hospital bed that she is now confined to. The costs of carers at Friary Meadow are much lower than the standard rate traditionally charged. Currently Mum and Dad pay twenty seven pounds an hour for a private company to help with Mum's personal care. These costs will be substantially lower at their new home  and even with large maintenance charges, financially they will be better off.

    All of us have to think about our old age and save for an uncertain future. My parents are luckier than most and can afford the costs involved in long term care. Of course not everyone has that luxury. When I am Mum and Dad's age, my life will be very different; I will not have the resources to pay for my retirement. In all probability I will be working longer and will be living on less money; my future is not set in stone and I will not enjoy the security my parents enjoy.

    Sitting talking to my Mother and Father, I was struck by their stoical realisation, that this is what they have to do in order to move forwards during the later stages of their life. Mum spoke fondly of the home she has lived in for 20 years; despite the emotions of their situation , she was more than happy to be moving on.

    I have to admit I was strongly opposed to Mum and Dad moving to this expensive village initially, but over time have come round to the idea. When one looks at the cost of care, which can extend to fifteen hundred pounds a week, I am reassured that the six hundred pounds a month service charge they will have to pay will be well worth it. In the end what my parents decide to do is up to them and they have to put themselves first. They have both worked and saved hard all their lives and it is important for them to be happy now, especially as Mum's health continues to cause anxiety and stress for all of us who have witnessed her deterioration the last six months.

    Walking around their bungalow with Dad, I was struck by the amount of personal effects they have, a life time of memories that need to be sorted and disposed of. Not having a home of my own, it will be difficult for me to take anything substantial, but I know my Aunt has agreed to store certain items until Darrell and I have somewhere more permanent to live. With my usual 'hoarder head' on I expressed a wish that they don't throw things away, only to regret it later. I only say this because of my own experience. Having moved abroad on several occasions and back to the UK, Darrell and I have had to get rid of a lot of stuff, items I wish I still had today. I am mindful of just how different our life is to my parents however and look forward to a more streamlined existence myself!

    With Mum and Dads move imminent, I hope to be there to help if I can, although travelling to Asia could make that difficult. I am pleased they have found somewhere to live during their twilight years and hope it will be everything they ever wanted. The only priority I have in life is my partner and family, I would move Heaven and Earth to make sure anyone of us enjoys a secure and prosperous future. I may not always agree with my parents, but I more than understand the love they share, which in the end, is the most important factor in life. Live everyday like its your last and make every moment count!
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  • Published on

    Make Changes!

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    It has been a busy couple of weeks. The new role in work is going well as well as being extremely busy – I’m in my 5th week and it has been like being in the middle of a whirlwind. I’m loving it because I’m having to push myself daily and having to challenge myself daily as well.

    It isn’t just in work that I’m busy but also out of work as well. A few months ago I was sitting at home alone feeling pretty fed up with life and knew I had to kick myself firmly up the arse to change that. I was in total denial about how much I had dragged myself down and when I looked in the mirror I didn’t like what I saw. I needed to change. In that moment I knew I had to turn things around. Months later and I feel fitter, feel stronger, feel more in control, and feel happier. It was a tough call to make that change. It isn’t the first time I’ve had to do that in my life.

    In my late twenties I was in a real rut and suffering from a chronic bout of depression that resulted in me taking a large paracetamol overdose – I wanted to check out as I saw no other way out. I was riddled with guilt about choices, decisions and events that had happened in my life. I was chronically unhappy. I couldn’t see how I could change my life. I spent a week in hospital recovering and was told I was lucky to be alive. I was told the amount of paracetamol I had taken should have killed me.

    When I was discharged from hospital I vowed that I needed to turn things around and worked my arse off to do so and continue to do so to this day. When I looked in the mirror last year I knew I needed to take ownership and be accountable again and get back on track, that there had to be more than this and I was the only person that could change things – no one was going to turn things around for me. Life isn’t a rehearsal and we only get one shot at it.

    Sometimes the hard part is admitting that there is a problem and there needs to be major change. Making those changes is not an easy option, it means taking yourself well and truly out of your comfort zone, pushing yourself, pushing yourself hard, pushing yourself even harder – do more, be more. It takes effort to do that.

    Someone I know has hit that point where they have realised they need to make some major changes because how they are living is destructive and unsustainable. When I found out I knew how they felt as I’d been in that place before. I’ve chatted to them quite a bit since Sunday and we both know that it isn’t going to be easy but it is achievable to make those changes for the better.

    I’ve told them not to look solely at the bigger goal but to break it down into much smaller achievable goals. If you make a 1% change to your life every week then in 6 months you could be in a much better place. In a year just imagine what you could achieve. 1% change each week.

    To do that takes heart, it takes discipline, it takes effort, it takes commitment. Most people don’t do this – they remain in a rut, they are in denial, they embrace mediocrity. They don’t make changes and remain in their comfort zone. Closed minds and the easy option all the time. Some of the toughest people I know are those who have looked in the mirror and have said ‘things need to change’ and have effected that change. It is not an easy thing to do. It is not the easy option.

    If you want to make changes I challenge you to do so – each week write down that 1% change you’ve made – and then in 6 months see how much you’ve achieved and how much things have changed.

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    Hey All!

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    Hey all,

    I haven’t written in ages, and to be honest it’s probably because life has been okay.. I’ve kept busy, I’ve been doing bits and have felt alright.

    Tonight, I am not alright… I have let myself get into a big old hole where life just feels shit.

    When I feel like this, all I can think constantly in my head, is what is my reason for being on this earth? I have no children and no boyfriend/husband.. what is my point of being here?

    By all means, I don’t want the sympathy from anyone.. that is not what I am asking for in the slightest.

    I just feel so down and so sad about everything. I’m sure tomorrow I will delete this blog cause I will instantly regret opening up and sharing my feelings… but right now to distract myself I need to write.

    So here it is… yuck.


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