Mother and Father - Looking To The future!

On Wednesday I went to visit Mum and Dad, along with my Aunt. My parents still live in the same family home in Catisfield, where my Aunty lived before she left home at eighteen years old; this is the first time, she has returned in two decades. The bungalow they live in has changed dramatically during the years my Mother and Father have lived there, but essentially it is the same building it always was. This old place encompasses many memories for my Aunt Trisha and you could see she was thoughtful as she walked around the rooms. A home is really only a pile of bricks and mortar, but the stories it could tell, if only it could talk, would be irreplaceable. I certainly don't have the same connection to this building as I do to 'Nashe House,' where I grew up as a child, but I understand the emotions involved in that trip down memory lane, the same journey I took a few weeks ago.

Mum and Dad's life in  Catisfield is coming to an end, as they reach the end of an era. After several generations, they have finally sold their home and are looking forward to moving back to the village where my Father was born. They are moving into a purpose built complex, which has everything they need for a comfortable retirement, right on their doorstep. A cinema, restaurants, shops and extensive grounds will improve the quality of life for my parents dramatically. Friary Meadow as it is called, will not be cheap, with property prices starting at three hundred and eighty thousand pounds, but it will ensure a standard of living they are used to and give them more freedom to live life the way they want.

Mum's disability is an ongoing issue and she requires carers to help my father lift her from the hospital bed that she is now confined to. The costs of carers at Friary Meadow are much lower than the standard rate traditionally charged. Currently Mum and Dad pay twenty seven pounds an hour for a private company to help with Mum's personal care. These costs will be substantially lower at their new home  and even with large maintenance charges, financially they will be better off.

All of us have to think about our old age and save for an uncertain future. My parents are luckier than most and can afford the costs involved in long term care. Of course not everyone has that luxury. When I am Mum and Dad's age, my life will be very different; I will not have the resources to pay for my retirement. In all probability I will be working longer and will be living on less money; my future is not set in stone and I will not enjoy the security my parents enjoy.

Sitting talking to my Mother and Father, I was struck by their stoical realisation, that this is what they have to do in order to move forwards during the later stages of their life. Mum spoke fondly of the home she has lived in for 20 years; despite the emotions of their situation , she was more than happy to be moving on.

I have to admit I was strongly opposed to Mum and Dad moving to this expensive village initially, but over time have come round to the idea. When one looks at the cost of care, which can extend to fifteen hundred pounds a week, I am reassured that the six hundred pounds a month service charge they will have to pay will be well worth it. In the end what my parents decide to do is up to them and they have to put themselves first. They have both worked and saved hard all their lives and it is important for them to be happy now, especially as Mum's health continues to cause anxiety and stress for all of us who have witnessed her deterioration the last six months.

Walking around their bungalow with Dad, I was struck by the amount of personal effects they have, a life time of memories that need to be sorted and disposed of. Not having a home of my own, it will be difficult for me to take anything substantial, but I know my Aunt has agreed to store certain items until Darrell and I have somewhere more permanent to live. With my usual 'hoarder head' on I expressed a wish that they don't throw things away, only to regret it later. I only say this because of my own experience. Having moved abroad on several occasions and back to the UK, Darrell and I have had to get rid of a lot of stuff, items I wish I still had today. I am mindful of just how different our life is to my parents however and look forward to a more streamlined existence myself!

With Mum and Dads move imminent, I hope to be there to help if I can, although travelling to Asia could make that difficult. I am pleased they have found somewhere to live during their twilight years and hope it will be everything they ever wanted. The only priority I have in life is my partner and family, I would move Heaven and Earth to make sure anyone of us enjoys a secure and prosperous future. I may not always agree with my parents, but I more than understand the love they share, which in the end, is the most important factor in life. Live everyday like its your last and make every moment count!