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Bye Bye Aunty Myra
National Treasure
Elaine
Our oldest dearest mate, Elaine turned up at Myra's too and to be honest we all had a great afternoon. I'm seriously going to miss these two!
Elaine will also be out there as soon as she can. She has been on holiday with us before, to Croatia. Hopefully My and Elaine will come out together. I know Aunty My was in Benidorm this year, she showed us the photo's when we got there.
Darrell and I are still in the process of saying goodbye to everyone here in the UK. You don't actually realise, just how many people you know and love, until, like us, you move away. We have a hell of a lot of farewells to make. Today we went to see Aunty Myra, who both Darrell and I have known for many years. She is our National Treasure!
Myra is the sister of a friend, Jean, who we used to employ, when we ran our own business. We are talking many years ago, and both Jean and Myra, used to attend many of our fancy dress parties as well as our Curry nights with the girls.
Spain
Aunty Myra loves Spain and goes as often as she can, which is why I know, she will be the first one out to visit us, when we move on the 31st January
Aunty Myra is exactly like me. She has bling all over the house, loves her diamante's, tiaras and anything shiny. I'm going to miss her loads!Anyway, we ordered the biggest curry we could, for old times sake, just like we used to in the old days and had a great afternoon. God damn I love a good curry!
We are leaving many good people, behind, we know that, but the most comforting thing, is listening to friends and family, like Myra, speak positively about our decision. They are well aware of our circumstances and it really does make our decision, that much easier, when we have the support of such good people. Going to miss you all!
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Felicity
It was a bit of a catch up day today. The 9 January 2016, was actually my last official day at Oxfam, although I had been on holiday for the last few weeks, so in reality, I left Oxfam a long time ago, not only in head and heart but also spirit!Felicity, one of my old volunteers had invited Darrell and I around to her house, just round the corner from us at Capri, for tea. She hadn't seen me since I left, so it was a chance to catch up and discuss the future.
Felicity was the first volunteer I employed, eight years ago, we have always had a close working relationship and she wanted to have a chat before we leave. Felicity herself is a Volcanologist and is off to Ecuador in a week, to do some research. Myself and Darrell promised to have lunch with her next Thursday and will of course endeavour to keep in touch with her, whilst on our travels.
She has her own views on what has happened, not dissimilar to ours and quite understands why we are moving to Europe. In fact, she said, anyone in our position would probably do the same. It will be sad to leave people like Felicity behind, but it is also so pleasing for is, that we have met such wonderful people, who have enriched our life. Our door will always be open, both now and in the future!Natalee Michelle
We left Flicks house at 11.30am and went home to continue doing some sorting out. We made up some more boxes for Charity and then set off to pick up Natalee for lunch. We are trying to fit in as many lunch dates as we can before we go!
Natalee had a good few hours for lunch. It was a dark, rainy day outside, so it was nice, sat in a warm pub, eating comfort food, talking about the future. Natalee said she was thinking about going into hospitality again, She works ,long hours caring, and to be honest, is it really worth it?
Carly was out having a few beers, before some football match, she was going too. Can't stand the bloody game myself. Anyway we promised to go and see her and Ali before we leave. So many people to see, so little time!
Lunch
We tried to get a table at Trago Lounge in Portswood. I absolutely love that place, but as I do, so do half of Southampton, so we went to The Fleming arms in Swaythling!Carly
While we were out to lunch, we bumped into Carly. Carly is the daughter of our old Boss Ali. Darrell and myself babysat Carly and her sister many years ago!
Relaxing
Had loads of food and drink and it was nice to finally relax a little, after such an awful time recently. There is very little I am going to miss about living in the UK, although those people closest to me will of course be top of that list.
We are going to fit as many people as we can in the next three weeks and hopefully have some happy memories to take with us!
Peace and Love Always! -
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Well it's the end of another year and what a year it has been. 2015 has been another trying, but enlightening, year for me. I tend to work on five-year cycles. That is not to say that every five years, there is disaster, but these years are always ones of great change and upheaval. If one goes back in five year blocks, until the year 1995, every five years we have endured great renewal. Most of these times are forced upon us, following traumatic events. Whether these are to do with Bipolar, I have no idea. 2015 was one of those years that came running head long into my life, without warning. If I look back to New Year's Eve, last year, it began with such promise, surrounded by people I love and it was a happy evening. I saw smiles on the faces, I hadn't seen in a while, even I was happy to celebrate the New Year, with hope that, this time, it would be the best of years. Like so many times of joy and hope, things, never quite end up being what one had wished for!
2015 started well, I asked Darrell to Marry me on New Year's Eve. This was the positive me. 2015 was our anniversary year. Twenty years together as a couple. A relationship, formed under the most difficult of circumstances, and we had reached a milestone, not many same-sex couples have reached. I wanted to cement our relationship, by getting married, legally, in front of all our friends and in the eyes of the law. Finally legal in all respects. This is something I had always wanted to do, it is something I had planned for a long time and for the first time I wanted to follow it through to the end. Most planned changes or events, almost always fell by the wayside. They were spur of the moment things that never amounted to much, born in my Bipolar mind, that never really grasped the gravitas of a situation, or treated an important decision as a Headline without substance. However, this time, it was different, this time I wanted us to follow through, no matter what the circumstances. It had meaning and was important for us as a couple and to show all those who doubted us as a couple, that we were forever together, no matter what they may think. We have had so many detractors, during our time together, that you will understand the meaning of asking my long term partner to marry me, was the only goal I set for 2015, and I would not deviate from it, no matter what.
As so often happens to most of us in life, nothing quite pans out the way we would have hoped. A few words, off the back of a celebration, conceived in a mind that constantly flip-flops from one idea to another, can be hard to stay the course. However, I am stubborn and obstinate and can be as determined as the rest of you, so in the cold light of day, asking Darrell to make it legal, held as strong as when I asked him. A surprise for me also, but I am happy we both did what we knew was right.
2015 was not only the year we got married, but it was also to be the worst year of our lives in every respect. My Bipolar was unstable, I was becoming more ill, as each new day of the year rolled on. I was not given the professional guidance or indeed afforded the legal safeguards necessary, in order to progress through this stage of my life. In March 2015, I had what was referred to as a Bipolar Relapse. In the build up to this, during the weeks before, I was unwell, as both my partner and close friends will testify. They were trying times, although I remember very little about them. The highs were higher than they had ever been, and the lows equally so. After a terrifying few weeks, I tried to take my own life, whilst Manic. I was happy to jump off a bridge and take my own life. The fact that I had reached this decision, whilst high, was not something I had ever experienced. I was usually very low, emotionally sad and at the end of a particularly traumatic cycle. I was arrested by two Police Officers, who stopped me from carrying out what I had set out to do. I was put in a cell and demanded that I was sectioned. I was not of sound mind and for me, this was the only course of action left.
Even when I begged to be sectioned, it was still not meant to be. After speaking to four Doctors, they agreed to let my partner, Darrell, take charge of my care. I was rushed to my surgery and was given sedatives, to finally stop the Mania. Again, I remember very little of what happened, nor the few months that followed. The only reference to what had happened was recorded and written by me in my first blog, Bipolarcoaster. I still haven't re-read the entries, so have no idea, where my life was at that point. I have been made aware, who was there, even if I don't remember it myself.
The weeks that followed were the most challenging of my life. People came into my life, under the most dubious of circumstances, and although I wasn't entirely comfortable with their presence, I accepted it, through my partner's assurances. Whilst suffering with illness, Darrell was also going through his own trauma, suffering at the hands of bullies, during a time when I was the most sick I had ever been. I was unaware of Darrell's turmoil, until he, like me collapsed through the unrelenting pressure of others, increased at a time, when I was ill and he was becoming ill himself. When he finally gave in to the pressure of depression, and we were finally able to deal with just what was happening, our situation became worse. We were lucky to have some very close friends who are the only reason, we are both still alive and kicking. Darrell was on medication and had reached dreadful lows and a period of continual suicidal thoughts. A major source of help for Darrell, a person he trusted and always gave advice, and yes a friend, was acting strangely, taking advantage of our situation and at a time when we both should have been seeking professional help, she had become our only outlet to the outside world, offering a mixture of platitudes, wrong advice and freely offloading more damaging information, causing further relapse and illness for us both. Our friends persuaded us not to listen any further, To add to our confusion, she told us, the ones who were there helping, were bad for us and we should end friendships. Luckily, I didn't listen and kept these core group of people ever closer.
I know now, that this was a time, when bad people sought to isolate both of us, so this person could have full control over us and our destiny. I remember during one heated exchange with her, she told me to go away for a while, concentrate on myself and let her take control of Darrell's well-being. For a moment, she nearly succeeded. Had that happened, once again things would have been very different. Something inside of me set alarm bells ringing. This was not about a friend offering advice, this was about an unscrupulous individual wanting to have full control over two people, at a time when they were sick.
I can't actually remember when I finally woke up and realised what was going on, but I rang some help line, had some counselling and spoke to the Charity, Solent Mind, who finally made me realise just what had been going on. I have written about the details of realisation, but had I not sought professional help, I would still, even today, be wondering what if? I was assigned an Advocate who became instrumental in my recovery, even getting me to a stage, where I could finally return to work.
This was not going to last. Darrell had poured his heart out to the wrong people in the past, at times when he could not cope with my condition. Even when both of us were ill and Darrell was at his most suicidal, he was still receiving bulling threats, so it was no surprise, that when I returned to work, these would increase. When these threats turned to blackmail, Darrell finally told me the truth. I accepted what he said, but with everything else I put it to the back of my mind, although realised, that by returning to a job I loved, it would only serve to make things worse, so resigned. Even then, after I quit, we received more calls and damage was caused to personal property. No let up and even worse bullying.
My health has once again suffered, further psychiatric injury, as we approach 2016, bought about by people who remain free to continue a campaign of harassment, that in reality hasn't stopped, nor will it ever cease. I have been told just what I am dealing with, how to cope with it, but the reality is, in order to have some form of closure, we have to up sticks and leave, as we were advised months ago.
We have about five weeks left here in The UK, then we can finally retreat to a new life. Of course this will also have its own obstacles, but we do hope to finally be free of this last year, free of the worst, others can throw, free of the turmoil and free of the harassment we have both suffered.
I hope you all have a fantastic 2016, no more than we wish for ourselves. Thank you to everyone for all you have done this year, you will always be in our thoughts! -
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I have decided to start this blog early. Darrell and I will be leaving for a new life in Europe at the end of January as we both recover from illness and bullying, that could have gone on for many years. To be honest, as I write this today, it really does not matter how long these situations have lasted, because it is time to restart a life that was taken away from us many years ago.
To not have control of your own destiny, must seem strange to most people, but then most people have not experienced what we have.
This new blog, is about renewal and restart. Both Darrell and I have been through the worst of times, probably over a long period of time, but knowing the truth behind everything that happened, whilst traumatic, has taught us many lessons in life. It has changed us in every way possible, for the better and for the worst, but above all it has made us think the unthinkable and move away to Europe and start a new life together.
Not everyone has had the opportunities we have had. Most people would not have ruined all those chances we were given, but at least we tried, lived the lives that resulted from new opportunities, even for a short time and gained a wealth of memories and friends along the way. For that we are both eternally grateful.
A new life, is something we have tried before, so we are not adverse to making the necessary changes to fulfill a different destiny. These are usually positive and eventful times in our life, born from awful times, but have always pushed us forever onwards towards new horizons. Neither of us ever predict the end results because usually our judgement is flawed and confused. That's just us, our experiences and our failing in life.
I hope you enjoy reading this new diary, that will formally begin on the 31 January 2016. Today it is published as a reminder to me, that we do have a future. My blog also includes a page entitled 'The Sociopaths'. This is the beginning of a book, detailing the events that took place in our life, that bought us to where we are today. This book will allow me to finally lay to rest the worst period of my life, by finally facing up to what happened to both of us, in the most poignant way possible.
The characters are based on real people. The names have been changed and locations have been kept secret, but essentially, with the exception of a tweek or two, events are as they happened. I will add to 'The Sociopaths' now, and continue writing when living in Europe.
As usual your comments and views are always welcome, so please send them to me. I always aim to reply to everyone, so don't be shy!
Thank you to everyone for helping us to get where we are today. It's been a hell of a journey, you will always be in our hearts!
