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    It's starting to feel a lot like Christmas!

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    Popped into Gabe, the chinese shop, on the way to get the ITV done today, to buy an Xmas bush: something small, for my tiny casa. Got the cheapest tree I could find, just so it feels a little bit more cheerful.

    Putting up the Christmas decorations at Casa Gay Caprice, is going to be as fun for me, as it has been, every year, up until now.  With Darrell not hear, even better, as he hates Christmas; well they do say opposites attract. Yes I know it's early, but anyone who knows me, understands just how much I love the festive season. I think it's all the sparkling lights and tinsel; always makes me feel happy.

    Merry Christmas Y'all! 
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    Instant ITV!

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    So today was Spanish ITV day; actually it was supposed to be tomorrow, though being Spain, it really didn't make any difference. Darrell and myself got 'Burnadette', when we first arrived in Spain, for the princely sum of 400€.  Katie has been using the car, while Darrell is in Australia, so we can go shopping and take Lexi to school.

    I had no idea if the car would pass the ITV or not.  According to the mechanic, who took us to the station, it would.  We had to fix a few things today before we went, a dicey seat belt, but that was about it. We were told, the test here is far more comprehensive than the MOT in the UK, although from what I experienced, I can't see how,

    The ITV station, was a large, drive through, Government regulated building.  Unlike in Britain, where garages make money on defects found, the stations here are solely for the test, so it isn't in anyone's interest to add on fails, when they are not there.

    As we were still sat in the car, we drove through various different tests, a bit like a factory conveyor belt.  Banginging about, start this start that and came out the other side 20 minutes later, with a certificate to say it passed.  It was a bit like a whirlwind.  So much better than the UK system; fast, efficient, no appointment necessary, but a little bit dodgy, well, we are in Spain.  I say dubious, but what I mean to say is, it was a bit breathtaking, in the speed it was all done.  Both Katie and I were expecting a long wait, but nothing could be further from the truth.  

    The ITV, is the fastest formality in Spain!  It works! We still have a car, all OK for another year! Viva Espana!
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    A matter of economics!

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    Making Ends Meet

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    Living in Spain has taught me much about life.  One of the biggest changes I have made, is due to economics.  The stark reality is, I don't have as much disposable income here, as I did in the UK; not only me, but many others who live in  Gran Alacant, Spanish and British alike.

    Food shopping, the items I buy and how much I spend, is a change I am actually very proud of.  I have said before, that I could spend anywhere, up to 150€ a week on groceries in the UK, here, I have got that down to 60€, although over the last month, with money being tight, I managed to lower my spend further, to 20€ a week.

    There is no waste in my household anymore.  Food goes further, all leftovers are kept and frozen; there is no such thing as a second portion anymore.  We eat what is necessary, no more no less.  

    ​One has to be innovative in one's outlook.  Rinsing out Marmite and Bovril jars, with hot water, before throwing away, produces homemade stock cubes, to be frozen and used when required.  Buying cheaper cuts of meat, for me Liver is great, I love it, saves a fortune.  Bulk buying, and freezing the remainder is also a must.

    The British do waste a lot of money on food, that is just thrown away. The Spanish, that I know, use everything and waste nothing.  It is a bit like going back in time here, but it will teach me more than I would have ever learned in the UK!
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    Ironing!

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    Did a few hours ironing today; to help out some friends.   Actually I quite enjoyed doing it, probably because  I never iron clothes myself. With the arthritis gone, the beautiful view, out of the window and a happy disposition, it was a breeze!  
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    Concerns!

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    Popped out with Katie, briefly yesterday.  Don't get to go out much these days, so it was a pleasant change.  The temperature was a lovely 25 degrees, so we had a couple of pints in  Zest, followed by a meal at Katie's.  We had lots to talk about, especially feeling the way we do at the moment.

    Today's entry is going to be a bit of a moany blog, but not everything is perfect in paradise all the time.

    For me, there is an 'end of season blues' feeling.  Sierra Mar Square was not the usual throng of people, it had been, even up until last week.  One minute people were here and in a flash they are now gone.  That is of course the nature of the beast here: at this time of year, it can feel very lonely.  I know that has been a problem for me, just recently.  In an area that is predominantly filled with second home owners, there are times you see very few people.  Both houses either side of me are empty and will probably remain so, until the spring.  

    So both Katie and I are starting to feel those winter blues, even with temperatures in the mid twenties.  It is however, not just a matter of how cold or  hot it is, it is a number of different things as well.  The job situation, is of course the biggest problem for both of us at the moment.  I have written much about the ridiculous laws in Spain, that prevent otherwise good businesses taking on staff, so will not go over it again. Last week alone, I applied for approximately twenty jobs, in and around the Alicante area.  There is  the obvious language barrier, which does hinder our efforts to find suitable employment, but there is something else, something a little more disturbing, in my view.  Spain is about jobs for the Spanish.  Discrimination is rife, unlike those Spanish who travel to The UK to find work.  I actually find that quite distasteful.  It is one of the reasons why I voted for Brexit.  In Europe there does seem to be different rules, for each Country you live in.  All Europeans, applying for jobs, should be given equal access to the market, as they are in Britain.

    With both mine and Katies partner away in foreign countries, working and caring for loved ones, things back home in Spain, with us, are not as good as they should be. This is a hard place to survive; even with the fantastic community here, it can be difficult to find open doors, especially at this time of year.  In The UK, my house was always filled with people, here it is very different.  People don't tend to visit each other's houses in the same  they used to in Britain.  Most of the socialising takes place in the local squares, which is where you get to know people.  If like me you are on a tight budget and as a result, don't tend to go out as often as others, interaction can be extremely difficult.

    Of course the biggest concern, is having to live apart from one's partner.  Myself and Darrell have been apart for about three months now; it has not been easy at all.  I understand his decision to return for his Mother, at this time, although I am of the opinion that the time frame involved is now just far too long.  Neither of us are happy with this arrangement and after taking advice from friends both here and in the UK, I feel it is time it changes.

    Paul just popped over!  He is living out here on his own too.  Yes there are a lot of lonely people, single, living out here like me.  Anyway Paul took me to Zest for a coffee and a chat.  Obviously we have a lot in common.  I haven't seen Paul in a while, so it was nice to sit outside in the sun putting the World to rights!  It's funny, I was writing about the 'end of season and then, there was Paul talking about this exact subject.  

    It is true to say, I have had a few reservations, about staying on in Gran Alacant lately, for no other reason, than the lack of opportunities here, at least during the winter months.  I voiced my concerns to Paul, who, it is safe to say, put everything into perspective.  Britain does have far more opportunities, but in reality Britain has so many more downsides, than up's.  These mainly involve costs, weather and the biggie, lack of community, so for now Paul has talked me out of moving on!

    When I look out my windows, the views are truly amazing.  My arthritis has all but gone; the cost of living is so much cheaper and I do feel blessed at being here.  My long term future, should be good and the opportunities greater.  At the moment in the short term, it is hard work, on all levels.  With the help of good people, that can only change.  It is a bit like a waiting game, but games are there to be won, so win them I will!
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  • Published on

    Charlatan or Confidant - Part VII

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    Reliving events that brought us to spain - 'Waiting to step in when she hurt you. That was hard'

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    As Darrell's health deteriorates further, both he and I are called to give evidence against our employer. Penny encourages me to write about my experiences and for myself and Darrell to take a break from each other, after such a debilitating experience.

    Penny admits she had to step in to help me, when my boss had finally showed her true colours and in her words, 'Hurt me.'  Other Managers continue to get in our sociopathic basses cross fire.  More resignations, from those being victimised and a plea to Penny to help those who need it!

    I inform Penny of our decision to leave the UK and start a new life, away from the terrible memories, of what a sociopath did to us! 
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    'Waiting to step in when she hurt you. That was hard'
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    Penny's words are in light green script, mine are in dark blue!  These are online messages, sent in real time, so the grammar, punctuation, will not be perfect!  I have used single capital letters to keep the names of those involved confidential! I have also highlighted important sentences in red!​

    04/07/2015 
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    I have to keep one for clinic! x

    Every thing; anything, something nothing! As detailed as you need to make it without becoming obsessed with it. Yes thought as much x
    Hence the reply, make it as in depth as you want too xx​

    Oh god, not obsessive...Challenge! x

    On an us note! How is it going? X
    Ps I'm so proud as too how you've got through all of this x
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    Feeling great today. Knocking Darrell out of his downer. Turned tables! x
    I've coped appallingly badly, but good for me. Have too! x
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    I know! He has texted me, a few times saying he's worried etc... I've said; you're off sick! Pass it over! Not your worry xx
    Actually that's bull shit! You've done so well! X
    Ps I will add, I don't offer praise freely! X
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    So much anger in Darrell right now. I don't care atm! x
    S has been the only person who has got me through this. He is such a great guy! x
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    That's good! You are not to focus on him, just you!!!! X
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    I want to face her Friday, look at her, and make her know, I know. Not cowing to her! x
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    S is a pain in the fucking arse! But yes he really is a good guy! Ps don't tell him I told you that EVER! x
    You need too! You will be ready for her this time! X
    Ps... She knows it! X

    She can't get me any lower, good place to start. She is a cruel and nasty person I know that! x
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    So proud of the managers in my area tbh! They have all stood together to deal with this nonsense! X
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    Disappointed in a few, P mainly! x
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    No!! There is no lower! You've been there, done that! And now you are on your way back up! Gawd help anyone who dates to stand in your way! xx
    P has a hard private life x
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    I have faith it will all be ok in the end. Darrell is suffering most atm, from all angles! x
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    Let me deal with him! He will be fine xx
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    I hope so, he does not deserve this at all! x
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    You just focus on you please? You've got fish to fry! X
    He will be fine; I promise you that! X
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    I will let rip, say everything, nothing left out. Just have to keep calm though! x
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    I just don't know what too say! You have been amazing through all if this ! Quite humbling to observe! I hope when you are well enough you really really look back in all this and think; "yeah that was hard, but I made it through!" Yes there have been a couple if times you've got to the bottom; but you've made it half way back up again! X

    You will remain really calm! Why? Oh my; it will offer you dignity, grace, and superiority over that cow! X
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    I know what is coming. Medication I never wanted to do, probably wont work again, but I will do what I have to first! x
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    We've both known some bad people, but nothing like her. X
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    Promise you that! x
    She was the worst! x
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    Medication will help you, not hinder you x
    Yep that she is! X
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    Thanks again for everything, It must have been hard when I was so close to her. x
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    Yes and no. Patience is a virtue, waiting in the wings; so to speak! Waiting to step in when she hurt you. That was hard. x
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    Ah, I would not have learnt otherwise. Made be stronger ... x
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    You are a stronger person for this, that's for certain! x No one will ever hurt you to this extent ever again. So yes, that's a good thing. xx
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    Much love always x
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    Much recognition, praise, and admiration as always. xx
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    and to you. See all positive x
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    xxx


    17/07/2015 ​
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    Hey sweet how's u? X
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    I'm good how about you? Xxx
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    Really good. Wrote another chapter of my book. Happy at last..x​
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    This is brilliant news!! xxx
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    Hope all is well with u. Sorry again for other week. Emotions were all over the place...x
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    Stop! We've dealt with that. No more apologies needed. Xxx
    I'm truly so pleased you've had a good week. I've been catching up on your blogs, you really are talented. X
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    I wish. They can detail my moods at least. Anger to happy reflection now..x
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    Luke, you really are a talented writer! You should look to see how much it was cost to get them commissioned and get some printed off! The depth of what you write, truly reflects your mind set. It's refreshing to read honest, raw, emotions! X
    Think of the market you could reach with your work, how many other authors have written with sincerity how a condition such as bio-polar effects every aspect of your life??? xxx
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    Trouble is people don't like raw emotions, they get scared, I hurt loads of people writing it...x
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    You would help many more, plus yourself by continuing to write it though . x
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    Writing doesn't pay the bills sadly. Blogging is raw, and not up to standard, but I enjoy it! x
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    I've not seen any authors with the courage to write with such passion as you do. Google bi-polar all you can find is the clinical aspect; not the personal x
    Why not be the first honest bi-polar author? Some one has too? You have plenty of experience and most vertically are talented enough to do so xx
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    I know, I've seen only clinical stuff. I worry it makes me out to be a lune. It really offends a lot of people, god knows why! x
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    Because it's mental health! People don't fully understand mental health. You're are far from a lune! It's so refreshing to read honest, raw, emotional scripts! If it offends people, well that's their issue not yours. xx
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    I know. May go away for a bit to stay with a friend for a while. Will give Darrell some time to himself..x
    Just to let u know. X
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    I think that would be really good for both of you. Just time to recover from everything, you've both been through so much. It will make you both stronger, (if that's possible) but would do you the world of good. xx
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    He is really battling stm, so much hurt, and I have no idea what to do...x
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    When was the last time you were apart? X
    Darrell will be fine! He's stronger than any of us give him credit for x
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    Never apart, we love each other that much I guess. Hate being apart! Darrell is heading for a breakdown, I see it, so frustrating! x
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    I honestly think a break will do you both so much good xx
    Yes you can see it, but it's something he has to recognise. Of course it's frustrating, you love him dearly and of course you don't want to see him suffer x
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    I agree, just don't know when. He needs that verdict, then we can move forward! x
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    It will only be for a few days. He has people who love and care for him, around all the time. You could really do with, being looked after, not worrying/supporting/suffering and waiting for Darrell to see something. That sounds so mean.... But you know I don't mean it in an awful way. I can see both sides. Myself I think both of you will benefit from the rest, I wouldn't suggest it if I thought it would cause harm or upset , but then you know that xx
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    Of course. Darrell has always been Mr honest and has tonnes of integrity, atm, he feels that dirt. I hate to see him like this. I coping fine now myself and just want him at peace. He is not used to this, indeed who is, but his honesty always got him far, this is a complete departure! x
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    Yes it is adherent what has gone on, but if neither of you had spoken out; how would you both of felt?? It would still of been continuing, both of you would of faced this eventually. But no matter what the out come; you can both hold your heads up high, knowing you'd both been nothing other than truthful. That's the gift if that's for use of a better word? You have both bestowed upon yourselves. From this whole affair, not many can walk away knowing that they have been honest, sincere and truthful through to the end... xx
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    In short....... There is no dirt that could ever be held against either of you. xx
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    I told Darrell that. H sent a message, quite stern, saying she would not let that woman force her out, She's a gutsy Lady. Much admiration, People can throw what they like at me, I just don't like others suffering. I am cooling it was JG for a bit. He is really getting it in the neck. He needs to make his own decisions. No one deserves this. I still have faith mind you! x
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    I am hopeful for the outcome of all of this. My logical mind says; how can a manager have some many proven complaints against her, and walk away unscathed. I really don't think P will let this blow over. I think he will require answers. Be mindful there are a further 9? Managers in his region. I doubt any of them have brought/presented this to his door. Don't forget he will have to go in front of operations managers board, they go in front of the board of directors. Will all of those people "dismiss" her lies/claims/false hoods? I doubt it very much so.. X
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    I still have that faith also. This is difficult for Oxfam, I know that. I just hate seeing good people hurt. Well in the end it's up to them to do the right thing. Lets see. Have u heard H and B are leaving! x
    D just told us! x
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    No?? Crumbs! It's looking even worse for her then! x
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    Bolt out the blue. A circus as H said. Got to have a bath will talk later! x
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    Could think of a better word to use to describe it!! Well said Hilary! Enjoy your bath xxx
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    xxx

    That's nearly every person that me and V interviewed and put in situ, gone..weird! Thinking too much again..x

    Not call it reflecting... xx
    But I know this, I wouldn't fancy being in her shoes tonight! xx
    Says an awful lot about her, her lack of management skills x

    She really has no idea. Ah well will never know what happened there. It all seems irrational to me...x

    I will give H a phone call tomorrow xx

    Be good yes. Poor H x

    It is irrational; lies never offer stability, they are made on the foundations of deceit. No good ever comes from deceit; this only magnifies how deceitful she really is.. X

    Sure. Not sure how she ever remembers truth from fiction. Have to get caught in the end. Unless she us a genius. Mind boggling to me...x

    Haha she far from a genius! The woman is a deluded fool; she thought she would/could destroy you, Darrell, H.... Look what's happened.... In short it's all fallen around her. It's mind boggling to you; as you are not a deluded fool! xx

    Can she really afford to loose more managers? All nuts to me x

    Exactly......... I do believe, her tangled web is beginning to become undone! x

    iI hope so. Our region has suffered enough. Lost so many good people. Confusing tho,...Give H my love when u speak to her, hope all goes well for her. x

    I will do. Right I'm off for a bath now.. Will speak to you later. xxx

    OK..Hugz x​

    18/07/2015 

    Couple of questions Penny. H needs a work colleague at a meeting with V, would you be able to. Can u phone her. Also did you speak to H? x

    L is damanding that V is at a formal hearing about her. H wanted a grievance, L changed it. Told her to reinstate it as a grievance. x

    Tried to ring H shop 5 times today; no answer?!? I have a voice mail from H; will phone her later. I can not attend any meetings for anyone other than Darrell, it would be a conflict of interest. But when I catch up with her, I will explain. Xxx

    OK...I will be moving abroad to recover from this relapse, is there any legalities I should be aware about before I leave! x

    Are you intending to stay on sick leave? If so check legal aspect of sick pay etc... Xx
    Dependant on where you are, can you come back n see your dr for sick notes etc? X

    OK, will do. If it comes to it, I will leave after the wedding, when it runs out. At that point I guess I will instruct solicitors. Been too long for me now. Need a new start away from here! x

    Use all of your annual leave entitlement. I fully understand and support your choice to move away. I honestly think it will do you both the power of good! The auctioneer house in Lymington, do free valuations on Mondays. They also will be able to advise on furniture clearance firms. Think they are call Kildnlers or something to that effect? xx

    We have said, there is too much damage that can't be repaired and trust lost. I have deteriorated so much over the last few years, Oxfam need to own up and deal with it, so it NEVER happens again. Sad day, but we both never deserved this. It is something I will always live with and that is a terrible thought! x

    Some times you have to put yourself first above all others. If moving ensures this can happen; then that will be the only positive thing to come out of all of this. X

    This also needs to be stopped, so it never happens again. That woman is dangerous and has no right to any power over anyone    . That is obsene. It think JG will be coming with me, to be with me over the next few months. I'm sure he will be handing in his notice ASAP...! x

    Helen
    I think oxfam WILL have to look at their management structure their policies and their procedures! With everything that has happened surely they can not sweep this under the carpet? X

    it wont be, it was all illegal. Been informed by Solicitor already, so all good..x
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    Our  region, in the biggest charity in the World, had turned into a circus, a laughing stock.  As a victim, I was only given access to someone, who claimed to be a psychologist.  Her partner was helping me in an unofficial capacity, yet there was still no official help from the powers that be.  Managers were resigning left right and centre, yet Oxfam did nothing, absolutely zilch.  They stood by as observers, as our region continued to collapse and implode through sabotage and an inability to act.

    My collapse, that of my partners and other Managers who were still in situ, were ignored.  All safeguarding measures had failed.  Our Area Manager, had complete, total control over a battle worn area and people's lives were at risk.  

    'Deceit and deluded', 'This woman is dangerous', 'Lack of Management skills', 'I wouldn't want to be in her shoes'.....Phrases and words to describe a woman, who was still left in charge of vulnerable employees, destroying the very fabric of the organisation she represented; she was still there, in charge; causing havoc, distress and laughing in the face of disaster!

    The situation was out of control. There was corruption from top to bottom at Head Office and no one was prepared to help those who really needed it! Far more damage was yet to come, many more people were yet to get hurt.  This was Oxfam's way of dealing with a Sociopath!
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