Darren Light - Roaming Brit Blog

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Published on

June 26, 2017

Lily!

Lily has been finding the heat, a little uncomfortable lately; to be honest, who isn't. We are not sure if she has been bitten by a mosquito, or has had an allergic reaction to something, but she has been pulling out her fur, around what looks like a raised lump, on her stomach. She is surviving the hot summer and at least seems happy and content, despite the loss of Precious!
Published on

June 25, 2017

Empath!

I came across this article in The Guardian, online this morning. I have written a lot about 'sociopathy,' in the past, but very little about the opposite side of the coin, those individuals who are 'empaths.' The article above touches on the subject of empaths and explores the extreme side of it. At its most basic level, an empath, has an ability to offer empathy to others, understand their feelings and put themselves in the mindset of an individual. I am personally an empath, completely opposite to a sociopath. Sadly empaths and sociopaths are drawn together naturally. An empath, wants to help others, common knowledge to a sociopath, who exploits an empaths good nature for their own ends.

As a person, I have always wanted to help others, which is why I decided to follow a career in the charity sector, both paid and as an unpaid volunteer. The circles I mixed in, offered me an insight into a World, that I had not been born into myself. I found charity work very rewarding on the one hand, but upsetting on the other. I had always been told to try and detach myself from the terrible abuses I knew about, but as an empath, I could never fully do that. I have self belief in everyone, good or bad and believe everyone should have the same chances in life; sadly as I found out, that isn't the case.

Bad people, the sociopaths of this World, have always taken advantage of people like me. Looking back at my life and the position I find myself in today, I understand the reasons why. I was too busy helping other people to understand, I was the one who really needed help. Empaths often help others at their own expense; this is key to a sociopaths ability, to manipulate and cause harm. A sociopath will mimic an empath in all respects, so others, especially potential victims, believe their empathic mimicry. Let me give you an example, personal to me:

A lady, i thought to be good, caring and a close friend, helped me through tough times at Oxfam; during the traumatic last year spent there. In order to gain my confidence and acceptance, she had pretended to be a psychic. This is often a ploy used by sociopaths, to gain the trust of an empath. I have a belief in the spiritual and she knew that, taking advantage of it in every respect. It is easy for me to trust others; as a rule I don't believe they are evil and their intentions, like mine, are honourable. This woman was a charlatan; instead of helping me, she used everything I said, against me. She was a sociopath and I never knew it.

My trusting nature, is indeed my achilles heel. Despite what happened to me in the past, I have never really learned the good from the bad. When I look back, as far as I can remember, I have always got myself in the same situations, preferring to help and believe, rather than walk away and distrust. Today things have changed; not necessarily for the better. I have had to live in a World, where I know longer trust anyone.

When I moved to Spain, settling in a new country, I let my guard down somewhat. I should have learned from my time at Oxfam, but although the memories remained raw I tended to make the same mistakes. Once again, I would invite people into my life, unconditionally. It didn't cross my mind, that the same issues I had in the UK, would surface here; open arms, I welcomed everyone into my heart.

This all sounds very depressing doesn't it. I was heading towards the same cliff I was teetering over, when I worked for Oxfam. There is a difference this time however; I am not about to fall over the edge. I have put my empathic character traits to one side and am gradually learning to reject those who cause harm to others, more especially me and those close to me.

Recently, I have met some wonderful people here in Gran Alacant; people who have shown myself and Darrell true friendship; haven't taken a penny from us, used us in anyway or abused our good nature; they are decent, giving and true. Gradually I am finding my own two feet; unlike yesterday, today I have the ability to remove or reject those who are not good for me. This does go against my empath credentials; at times I feel like I should be helping someone, rather than blocking them, but I understand, just how bad others can be and have finally began to recognise the signs; the same signs I missed, when I lived in the UK.

After suffering at the hand of a sociopath, you do find yourself judging everyone you meet, sounding them out, making sure they are who or what they say they are. It takes a long time to heal the wounds of confrontation with sociopaths; the scars will always linger as a reminder, indeed a warning to avoid the same ordeal in future; so it is imperative victims change their outlook and evolve to avoid the same mistakes.

I have changed much, even over the last couple of months alone, so much so, I am finally taking charge of my own destiny, doing what I want to do, associating with who I choose and above all removing any threats to my well being. If you have been a victim of a sociopath or bully, you need to rid yourself of their influence, remain aware of the possibility that life, will most likely repeat itself again and don't be afraid to say NO. Believe in your gut instinct; if someone doesn't feel right, they probably aren't. Take the appropriate action to avoid confrontation and move forward with your life; never look back or return there again. An empath will always be an empath, but they can learn to recognise danger signals; protecting oneself is important, nobody wants a repeat of past indiscretions!
Published on

June 25, 2017

The things that keep me awake at night!

A bit of a hotchpotch blog today. Just a few things to say on a variety of different subjects. I will cover these in more detail later. Due to our friend Justin, staying with us in Spain, I haven't had a chance to write in detail, on subjects close to my heart, but will attempt to briefly cover a few this evening; topics that can't wait, stuff I need to get off my mind today, before I go to bed, while it is fresh!

Justin

Justin left Spain this morning, after spending a week with us in Gran Alacant. It was fantastic seeing him after such a long time; nearly three years. It remains important for me to keep in contact with friends, I left behind in Britain; the good people, whose friendship I value. I suppose in reality, I never valued Justin's friendship enough in the past, after all, he can be a handful at times. However we spent quality time with one enough, something we should do more often!

We had a few farewell drinks, with Chloe and friends down La Piedra, on Friday night before he left, leaving Justin in Chloe's capable hands, at the 'Festival of San Juan,' while Darrell and I popped home, for a well earned rest. I look forward to see Justin again soon!

Oxfam

'It looks like Oxfam are going to sh*t, all over the country!'

I received an email from an old colleague in Southampton, updating me on the state of play at my favourite charity and ex employer, Oxfam. It seems that recently six other managers have left the region, I used to work in. I worked out, that would mean every manager, I used to work with, have left, probably due to our sociopathic boss, Miss Raymond, That is a shocking indictment on this once respected charity, who are still unable to stop this woman from causing mayhem across the south coast.

Oxfam, you really do need to start listening to those who know what is happening and remove this person. Too many lives have been destroyed by her. I have been offered money, countless times, by various publications to publish details of what happened to me; so I ask you again, remove her, before I sell my story; that is the last thing I want to do!

Grenfell Tower Fire - Camden evacuation

I was watching the news last night, when I got home from La Piedra, as residents from five tower blocks were being evacuated from their homes in Camden, London.

Tests have been carried out on the cladding, covering these buildings, attached to the facade, as part of recent renovations; they have been labeled an immediate fire risk and the local authority are unable to protect the residents, while they live in these blocks. At 8.30pm yesterday, they were all ordered to leave their homes.

I was struck by the residents anger at being told to leave, Granted, it is an inconvenience, but what else can the council do? After the fire at Grenfell, they have to do everything they can, to protect this lives of people living in these flats.

Clearly the organisation, notice given to tenants and alternative arrangements were horrendous and ill thought out. There were not enough rooms for those evacuated and people had to sleep on makeshift beds, in sports halls; not ideal.

Rather than local councils taking action independently, maybe, just maybe, the Government should take control of the situation, centrally and co-ordinate a plan to solve these deadly issues, easing the pressure on councils like Camden.

My Cousin, Joe also contacted me, to say Portsmouth City Council has discovered, the block he used to live in, also has dangerous cladding; the tip of a very large iceberg!

This is all very shocking to me. Peoples lives have been put at risk for profit and shareholders dividends, that is appalling! The cladding used on these blocks should only have been used, on accommodation, no more than four stories high; so who the hell authorised, the use of such substandard, combustible material? It is clear, a scandal is brewing; with the Government being called to account, over its austerity measures and cost cutting; handing over less and less money to local authorities; heads will roll. If any of those currently in positions of power are found guilty, the fall force of the law, should be used against them!

Brexit

Theresa May has announced a plan to protect EU citizens living in the UK, with an expectation that the EU will also, offer British Expats living in Europe, the same conditions, allowing them and us to stay in our chosen country.

I have briefly read these terms and feel uneasy. Those Europeans currently living in the UK, would only be granted the same rights, as British citizens and therefore the same rights they have now, after five years residency. This really isn't good enough! As an Expat, I should be entitled to remain without hindrance, as I am now, that shouldn't change. These conditions will throw lives into turmoil. Everyone, either in the UK or Europe, should be permitted to stay without hindrance, her proposal is not good enough. Apart from anything else, there are many people living in Spain, who do not even have residency, legally required after six months; does that mean, the time they have already spent in Spain is null and void?

Pseudonym

'Watch out, watch out, there's a sociopath about!'

A few days ago, I received a message from someone, using a fake social networking profile, who immediately deleted themselves, after receiving my reply.

In no uncertain terms, they demanded to know why I don't use my real name, while writing this blog. Luckily I know who this person is. It is just another sociopath, trying to cause trouble, this time, living and working here, in Spain, not too far away.

If you bothered to read my blog, you would understand the basis for using a pseudonym. The 'Oxfam and Sociopathy' section will describe in great detail, the reason for using Luke Martin-Jones. As a writer, I write under a different name to stop my work else where, being compared to recent articles and blogs. This allows writing to stand on its own merit, which is important when writing different genres.

When you bother to read this blog, you will also understand, a name change was also necessary, in order to protect myself and my partner from people like yourself, sociopaths and bullies. to continue to write about my experiences, without the threat of action, I chose to use a different name. My partner is not able to use his name, in connection with this blog, also for legal reasons, after signing a compromise agreement. I signed no such agreement and continue to write about my experiences with Oxfam.

There will always be bullies, liars and sociopaths in this World. I am no saint, but choose not to lie, bully or cause harm to others; ever! Due to my trials and tribulations with Oxfam, I am well aware of what a sociopath does and how their mind works. If I come across anyone, I consider to be unacceptable, I will remove them from my life; if necessary those they associate with, also, without hesitation. Protecting myself and my partner is my only priority! Today, I continue to remove those I consider to be a threat. Others may disagree with me, but then they haven't seen what I have. If anyone confronts me about my reasoning, I will tell them to their face. However, I am of the opinion, you should just let sleeping dogs lie in this case, because there are some answers you just don't want to hear.

I hope to cover these subjects, in more detail at a later date, for now I can sleep soundly in my bed tonight, knowing I have written about them! Have a great weekend y'all!
Published on

June 23, 2017

Justin's Visit!

Tuesday

Cleaning up after a few beers, Justin drinks a lot, a lot more than I remember; well he is on holiday!

Once cleaned up, we took Justin up to the Skybridge in Santa Pola, which gives fantastic views over the Mediterranean, towards the small island of Tabarca, as far as Benidorm! Afterwards Justin brought us all lunch at Dunbars, served by the lovely Ann Marie!

After dropping off Justin at home for a siesta, myself and Darrell popped to our local, Zest, for a spot of dinner and a couple of beers. Today has been hot, perfect for sitting in the V.I.P. area in the shade.

We met a lovely couple, Richard and Pat, who's son used to be the Manager of 'Martha's', the old, now closed, gay night club in Portsmouth. After popping back to their apartment, we all headed down to Masa Square; more drinks Karaoke and a very drunken night!

Thursday

Justin took myself, Darrell, Milan and Natalee out for dinner at Patagonia. Justin wasn't in the best of health, after drinking solidly since he arrived in Gran Alacant. On Thursday, no drink touched his lips; taking a day off was definitely the right thing to do.

This is the second time, I have eaten at Patagonia; I thoroughly enjoyed my meal, a mixed grill, which came out piping hot and cooked perfectly. The Spanish black pudding was delicious also; the service, at the restaurant in Masa Square, exceptional. If you are here on holiday, most certainly take a look at this popular Argentinian Steak House! Highly recommended.

Finally, after dropping Justin off, for a early night, we went on to La Piedra, where we had a great evening with friends; a great bunch of guys we have got to know in recent times; genuine, honest, a joy to be around!

Justin's final day today; he has just got back from the beach with Darrell and Natalee. This evening, I'm cooking a curry, then down to the beach for a night of bonfires, celebrating the coming of summer, with the festival of San Juan!
Published on

June 21, 2017

Night Out!

A few drinks with friends last night. Thank you to Justin for taking us out for the evening. Still a 'broke ass bitch,' as we await the opening of the new bar, in Masa Square. Justin has been very generous, since he arrived in Spain; it has been a pleasure having him here; despite the fact I have been trying to finish this short entry today, for the last four hours. Writing while there are people in the house, is an impossibility for me. Luckily, Darrell has gone with him to the pool, leaving me free to finish my blogging!
Published on

June 19, 2017

It's been a busy few days!

Saturday

We've been getting the house ready for the arrival of Justin, from the UK. During this monumental task, I came across one of the biggest cockroaches, I have ever seen. We do get them in Spain, quite a lot, but this one was hidden in one of my bathroom drawers. Mi casa suitably cleaned, we were ready to pick Justin up later from the airport!

While Darrell was getting ready, finishing the hoovering at home and having a shower, I popped down to Zest, in Sierra Mar. They had a singer on, my sort of music, rather like Michael Buble. Bumped into Paul, Michele and later Nigel, while I was there, having a few drinks in the Square, which was packed, heaving on a warm summer night. A few pints later, Darrell picked me up; off to the airport we went!

We collected Justin from Alicante Airport at 11.30pm, heading to Masa Square, to pick up Natalee, grabbing a quick drink at Rogers before heading to La Piedra and finally on to Ohana's. Another late night, early morning. Getting far too old for all this!

Sunday

Today has been hot, very hot! After finally recovering from a hangover this morning, Justin took us out for the day; starting with a quick drink at Molly Malones. For me that meant a coke; I can never drink the day after a heavy night. Leaving Carabassi, we drove to Urbanova, on the way to Alicante. Urbanova is a small urbanization with a stunning beach and some rather nice restaurants.

We decided to eat at 'Pizzería Provenzal.' I have been here once before and like last time, the food didn't disappoint. It is exceptionally high quality, home cooked international cuisine; highly recommended!

That's where my praise ends. The service in this busy sea front restaurant is probably the worst I have ever experienced. Our order was slow to arrive; the waiter forgot two of our starters. Two main meals finally arrived, without the third. Only after confronting the waiter, did the final main course appear.

Without being too critical of Spain in general, I have noticed that the standard of service does vary from place to place. If you are eating, with a group of people, never expect your order to arrive at the same time, it doesn't, unless you are eating in a British establishment, where it is standard for everyone to eat at once. Spanish chefs tend to send out individual meals, as and when they are ready, with no thought, given to those you are dining with!

Darrell and Justin are now down the beach, while I am here catching up on a pile of writing I have to get through. It has been nice spending time with Justin after nearly two and a half years. I am looking forward to the rest of a busy week in Spain!