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Empath!
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I came across this article in The Guardian, online this morning. I have written a lot about 'sociopathy,' in the past, but very little about the opposite side of the coin, those individuals who are 'empaths.' The article above touches on the subject of empaths and explores the extreme side of it. At its most basic level, an empath, has an ability to offer empathy to others, understand their feelings and put themselves in the mindset of an individual. I am personally an empath, completely opposite to a sociopath. Sadly empaths and sociopaths are drawn together naturally. An empath, wants to help others, common knowledge to a sociopath, who exploits an empaths good nature for their own ends.
As a person, I have always wanted to help others, which is why I decided to follow a career in the charity sector, both paid and as an unpaid volunteer. The circles I mixed in, offered me an insight into a World, that I had not been born into myself. I found charity work very rewarding on the one hand, but upsetting on the other. I had always been told to try and detach myself from the terrible abuses I knew about, but as an empath, I could never fully do that. I have self belief in everyone, good or bad and believe everyone should have the same chances in life; sadly as I found out, that isn't the case.
Bad people, the sociopaths of this World, have always taken advantage of people like me. Looking back at my life and the position I find myself in today, I understand the reasons why. I was too busy helping other people to understand, I was the one who really needed help. Empaths often help others at their own expense; this is key to a sociopaths ability, to manipulate and cause harm. A sociopath will mimic an empath in all respects, so others, especially potential victims, believe their empathic mimicry. Let me give you an example, personal to me:
A lady, i thought to be good, caring and a close friend, helped me through tough times at Oxfam; during the traumatic last year spent there. In order to gain my confidence and acceptance, she had pretended to be a psychic. This is often a ploy used by sociopaths, to gain the trust of an empath. I have a belief in the spiritual and she knew that, taking advantage of it in every respect. It is easy for me to trust others; as a rule I don't believe they are evil and their intentions, like mine, are honourable. This woman was a charlatan; instead of helping me, she used everything I said, against me. She was a sociopath and I never knew it.
My trusting nature, is indeed my achilles heel. Despite what happened to me in the past, I have never really learned the good from the bad. When I look back, as far as I can remember, I have always got myself in the same situations, preferring to help and believe, rather than walk away and distrust. Today things have changed; not necessarily for the better. I have had to live in a World, where I know longer trust anyone.
When I moved to Spain, settling in a new country, I let my guard down somewhat. I should have learned from my time at Oxfam, but although the memories remained raw I tended to make the same mistakes. Once again, I would invite people into my life, unconditionally. It didn't cross my mind, that the same issues I had in the UK, would surface here; open arms, I welcomed everyone into my heart.
As a person, I have always wanted to help others, which is why I decided to follow a career in the charity sector, both paid and as an unpaid volunteer. The circles I mixed in, offered me an insight into a World, that I had not been born into myself. I found charity work very rewarding on the one hand, but upsetting on the other. I had always been told to try and detach myself from the terrible abuses I knew about, but as an empath, I could never fully do that. I have self belief in everyone, good or bad and believe everyone should have the same chances in life; sadly as I found out, that isn't the case.
Bad people, the sociopaths of this World, have always taken advantage of people like me. Looking back at my life and the position I find myself in today, I understand the reasons why. I was too busy helping other people to understand, I was the one who really needed help. Empaths often help others at their own expense; this is key to a sociopaths ability, to manipulate and cause harm. A sociopath will mimic an empath in all respects, so others, especially potential victims, believe their empathic mimicry. Let me give you an example, personal to me:
A lady, i thought to be good, caring and a close friend, helped me through tough times at Oxfam; during the traumatic last year spent there. In order to gain my confidence and acceptance, she had pretended to be a psychic. This is often a ploy used by sociopaths, to gain the trust of an empath. I have a belief in the spiritual and she knew that, taking advantage of it in every respect. It is easy for me to trust others; as a rule I don't believe they are evil and their intentions, like mine, are honourable. This woman was a charlatan; instead of helping me, she used everything I said, against me. She was a sociopath and I never knew it.
My trusting nature, is indeed my achilles heel. Despite what happened to me in the past, I have never really learned the good from the bad. When I look back, as far as I can remember, I have always got myself in the same situations, preferring to help and believe, rather than walk away and distrust. Today things have changed; not necessarily for the better. I have had to live in a World, where I know longer trust anyone.
When I moved to Spain, settling in a new country, I let my guard down somewhat. I should have learned from my time at Oxfam, but although the memories remained raw I tended to make the same mistakes. Once again, I would invite people into my life, unconditionally. It didn't cross my mind, that the same issues I had in the UK, would surface here; open arms, I welcomed everyone into my heart.
This all sounds very depressing doesn't it. I was heading towards the same cliff I was teetering over, when I worked for Oxfam. There is a difference this time however; I am not about to fall over the edge. I have put my empathic character traits to one side and am gradually learning to reject those who cause harm to others, more especially me and those close to me.
Recently, I have met some wonderful people here in Gran Alacant; people who have shown myself and Darrell true friendship; haven't taken a penny from us, used us in anyway or abused our good nature; they are decent, giving and true. Gradually I am finding my own two feet; unlike yesterday, today I have the ability to remove or reject those who are not good for me. This does go against my empath credentials; at times I feel like I should be helping someone, rather than blocking them, but I understand, just how bad others can be and have finally began to recognise the signs; the same signs I missed, when I lived in the UK.
After suffering at the hand of a sociopath, you do find yourself judging everyone you meet, sounding them out, making sure they are who or what they say they are. It takes a long time to heal the wounds of confrontation with sociopaths; the scars will always linger as a reminder, indeed a warning to avoid the same ordeal in future; so it is imperative victims change their outlook and evolve to avoid the same mistakes.
I have changed much, even over the last couple of months alone, so much so, I am finally taking charge of my own destiny, doing what I want to do, associating with who I choose and above all removing any threats to my well being. If you have been a victim of a sociopath or bully, you need to rid yourself of their influence, remain aware of the possibility that life, will most likely repeat itself again and don't be afraid to say NO. Believe in your gut instinct; if someone doesn't feel right, they probably aren't. Take the appropriate action to avoid confrontation and move forward with your life; never look back or return there again. An empath will always be an empath, but they can learn to recognise danger signals; protecting oneself is important, nobody wants a repeat of past indiscretions!
Recently, I have met some wonderful people here in Gran Alacant; people who have shown myself and Darrell true friendship; haven't taken a penny from us, used us in anyway or abused our good nature; they are decent, giving and true. Gradually I am finding my own two feet; unlike yesterday, today I have the ability to remove or reject those who are not good for me. This does go against my empath credentials; at times I feel like I should be helping someone, rather than blocking them, but I understand, just how bad others can be and have finally began to recognise the signs; the same signs I missed, when I lived in the UK.
After suffering at the hand of a sociopath, you do find yourself judging everyone you meet, sounding them out, making sure they are who or what they say they are. It takes a long time to heal the wounds of confrontation with sociopaths; the scars will always linger as a reminder, indeed a warning to avoid the same ordeal in future; so it is imperative victims change their outlook and evolve to avoid the same mistakes.
I have changed much, even over the last couple of months alone, so much so, I am finally taking charge of my own destiny, doing what I want to do, associating with who I choose and above all removing any threats to my well being. If you have been a victim of a sociopath or bully, you need to rid yourself of their influence, remain aware of the possibility that life, will most likely repeat itself again and don't be afraid to say NO. Believe in your gut instinct; if someone doesn't feel right, they probably aren't. Take the appropriate action to avoid confrontation and move forward with your life; never look back or return there again. An empath will always be an empath, but they can learn to recognise danger signals; protecting oneself is important, nobody wants a repeat of past indiscretions!
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