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    Christmas Thoughts!

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    Well that's it, Christmas is over for another year and this time I couldn't be happier. I really haven't been in a festive mood this year, but despite feeling down, it was wonderful to receive a small hamper from my friend Ramona back in The UK, full of my British favourites. Ramona and I have been friends for 33 years now, having been to University together back in the early 1990's. We have a lot of history together and know each other inside out.

    I remember having a conversation with her quite a few weeks ago. She was asking me what I missed about Britain, and I told her all the things we can't get here, that I used to be able to get back home. She must have taken note, because a month later I received a box full of goodies. 

    Despite not feeling particularly Christmasy, receiving gifts, cards, emails, and texts from friends back home is as special to me today as it always has been. My lifestyle and financial situation has changed for the better, immeasurably, but, I will always miss my friends back home, especially Ramona!
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    Despite not feeling particularly festive, Darrell and I did spend the day with friend Joy and her friend Sharron at Banksia Tourist Park in Western Australia. Christmas Day was hot, very hot, in fact I read just yesterday that WA was the hottest place on Earth this year, and it definitely felt that way. The temperature reached a steamy 43 degrees at the park, which was certainly a welcome bonus for me, since I absolutely love the hot summer here in Australia. For Darrell and Mum, not so much!

    Joy had ordered some platters from Coles: Cold meat, wraps, fruit, dips, and nibbles. There was no cooking involved, no standing by a hot stove in the searing heat, and no washing up at the end of the day. Christmas is very different down under; there are of course the die hard Brits who live here, who still cook a roast, but in the main, a simple cold meat salad or BBQ is the order of the day.

    I remember cooking a Christmas dinner the second year I was here, and I wowed to never do it again. The heat can be dreadfully debilitating at times and even with the aircon on full blast, the intense Australian summer calls for something a little less elaborate. It was interesting, however, that the West Australian government had enforced a BBQ ban on the day. This often happens when temperatures reach such scorching levels, because of the fire risk, but that didn't put a dampener on our celebrations and the food tasted great!
    It was great relaxing at Joy's home in the tourist park, where she lives. This beautiful place is an over 55 residential park, and the perfect place to relax. Sitting on her veranda, you can see the Australian wildlife directly in front of you — kangaroos, parrots, and yes, the odd spider strolling past. This is the kind of village I could see myself living in, in a few years, and it is so different from the urban sprawl where we live now.

    Of course, I was reminded of Christmas back home in England and just how different it is in Australia. Despite enjoying the day, I do miss spending this time of year in the UK. As a child Christmas was special, and somehow it seems better on a cold, frosty, crisp festive morning. Much of this has to do with childhood memories, which are far more evocative of innocent, carefree times, but it is also about the loss of those no longer here.

    Every year I put up the last Christmas Card Mum and Dad sent me together, before Mum died in 2019, and I often look back over old photos from past family gatherings. I miss spending time with loved ones and friends, and I remain deeply emotional at such a poignant time of year.
    ... Talking of poignancy, I found this amazing cookery book, by Marguerite Patten over Christmas in the most unexpected of places — so what I hear you ask? Well, this is the exact same book My late Mother used to have when I was a child. She taught me to cook and bake using it, and I remember flicking through the pages, looking at all the delicious food on display with her, on a cold rainy afternoon. To be honest, looking at the retro food in its pages today, it doesn't appear to be as appetising as it once was.

    The book isn't my Mothers, of course, but the emotions that came flooding back were immeasurable. Finding this little treasure was the perfect end to Christmas and another example of just how much importance I give to memories of fonder times. This book encapsulates my childhood, the meals Mum cooked, the moments we spent together and of course the special times we spent as a family — a family still very much alive in the memories I share today!
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  • Published on

    Happy Christmas Day!

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    I've been out walking this morning - up at 4am, taking advantage of the cooler mornings. Today the weather forecast is predicting a high of 42 degrees and thankfully for me, I won't be tied to a kitchen. We have been invited to a friends house this Christmas Day and I am looking forward to a few hours of peace and relaxation.

    I would like to wish all of you a very Happy Christmas and New Year. Despite not celebrating as I would have done in previous years, I love seeing all of your social media posts, messages, emails and cards. I hope you get everything you wish for and have a wonderful, safe and peaceful 2026!
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  • Published on

    Can You Truly Leave The Past Behind?

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    Me and John 1993

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    John, Jenny, Saffi and me - Pride 1993

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    Me and John, Portsmouth 2022

    Last night I spoke to my dear friend, John from the UK. John is more like family, and we have been friends for over 30 years. I wish I could say I contact him and other friends often, but I don't. That of course doesn't mean I don't hold them in high regard, because I do, but I do find it difficult talking to people, I know I can't see in person. Living in Australia for over three years has been a challenge for friendships in every respect. I suppose deep down I knew that the important people in my life would be hard to leave behind, especially at my age, but it has been more difficult than I expected.

    Moving to Australia in my early 50s has left me quite empty in many respects and contented in many others. I have always regarded friendships as family, especially when I wasn't particularly close to my own relatives during my 20s and 30s. I grew up on a gay scene, at a time, when many of those close to me, were estranged from their kin folk. For this reason, we became family in all but name. The 1990s was a difficult time to be gay; we didn't have the rights we enjoy today, and discrimination was commonplace. With each of us dealing with our own demons and relying on each other for support, our lives at least became more liveable, rich and mostly free from harm. Safety in numbers was our saving grace.

    A gay scene was a way of life. Everything we did revolved around our respective sexualities — not because we disliked straight people, but because we were there for each other. Protecting those we loved from the negative aspects of life outside our bubble, in a safe, nurturing environment, was important at a time of change. Peoples attitudes and views of the gay community were slowly transforming, but the politics behind this evolution also created a backlash from the more undesirable elements of society.

    ​I have lost count of the number of times I was personally attacked and abused for being gay. It was a fact of life back then, and we all learnt to accept it. Life was hard, but having each other helped us navigate the harsh world we were now a part of. Many of us retreated into ourselves, avoiding the reality outside. We chose to live in an exclusive gay world, on a scene, because it accorded us the acceptance that most of us never received elsewhere.

    Sat here in Australia today, a part of me misses that closeness. Darrell and I are alone, living our life away from the friends we grew up with in the UK and when I speak to people like John, it makes me appreciate the times we spent with him and many others. Every time I speak to people back home, I become sad, regretful and terribly introspective. The less I speak with people like John, the more I am able to block out the way I feel — I suppose silence is my coping mechanism!

    I admit moving to Australia at my time of life has been hard. Australians are not as welcoming as the British, and it is difficult building a new life at such an old age. Of course Darrell and I are lucky to have each other, which is more than a lot of people have, but we are always mindful of those we left behind. When you do get older, less able and full of self-reproach, it is important to have others around you, who take your mind off the challenges we all face as we age. Here, in Western Australia, it is Darrell and me against the World, and we have to live with that.

    Mentally, it can be exhausting without friendships. As an individual I over-scrutinise, dwell and forever think 'what if'? The feeling I have left my history and upbringing behind, is tough. The real person I am is left in the UK, and I am now coping with a new life, without the reminders of the past. It is almost as if, the longer I am here, the more the memories will disappear and that makes it easier to cope with my new reality. 

    Reading between the lines, you can tell I am not the happiest person on the planet right now, and I can't deny that fact. I do crave the reminiscences of more eventful and momentous times in my life, but that is only to be expected when you up sticks and move abroad. I do have many reminders of my past with me, not particularly in tangible form, but through digital photographs, that I frequently look at, recalling happy occasions, that keep me grounded in Australia.

    This is a new chapter in my life and the most difficult yet. I do miss my gay scene life, the friends, and family who are not here, and the contact we all crave. But, I am fully aware of how better off I am, despite the feelings of loneliness, and yes, at times, isolation. Technology today has helped to keep the nostalgia and conversations alive, and for that I am truly grateful. Coming to terms with my new normal, just as I did during COVID, is a challenge I am happy to endure. This is a time for Darrell and I to shine. This is a period to make money, build a future and nest egg, and it is also a chapter in which to reflect, remember, and hold on to memories the made us the couple we are today. 

    ​Life is hard right now, but as I am well aware, nothing lasts forever! 
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