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    A New Chapter!

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    This Friday really did feel like a new chapter, despite the Indian Coronavirus variant raging across Britain at the moment.  Like most of us, I have my concerns about this new COVID strain, but after having my second vaccination I have finally started to relax a little more.

    Originally I was due to have my second dose of AstraZeneca on the 9th of June, but had my jab brought forward by several weeks, due to the changing circumstances. According to today's news, this new Indian variant has now become the dominant mutation in the UK, with the number of new cases doubling over the last few days alone. Of course, it remains unclear just what will happen over the next few months, but like everyone else, I just hope and pray the vaccines work, and we ride out the coming third wave relatively unscathed. I am as protected as I can be now, the rest is up to luck, good fortune and a positive gene pool!

    The injection was once again painless, I didn't even know I had been given it. There was a longer screening process at St James' Hospital, in contrast to my first jab, just to make sure I hadn't had any adverse symptoms the first time round. I was presented with the usual literature explaining side effects and this time, also a leaflet on blood clots, just in case I was to be unlucky enough to experience them. I was in and out of the centre within twenty minutes and was grateful it was all over and I can hopefully get back to a relatively normal life. COVID will be around for a long time that's for sure, but all of us can at least play our part, get the jab when called and safeguard those around us; it's the decent thing to do!

    With the new Johnson and Johnson vaccine approved in the UK on Friday, offering single dose protection against COVID, it looks more and more likely the UK will beat this virus in the future. The news remains full of doom and gloom, but I am hopeful the end is in sight. The biggest problem, in my view, is opening up the country too soon creating a train of transmission that could end in disaster. It is important that we all learn to live with Coronavirus, but it is also necessary we continue to maintain the measures in place, designed to keep us safe.

    I have noticed people beginning to let their guard down, remove their masks and ignore the social distancing measures. As you walk around the high street, you notice the near normal way people are conducting their business; this is frightening, especially when we are so close to winning, and I am mindful of the mistakes we made in the past as a nation. I will be practising social distancing and mask wearing for a long time yet, I am just not ready to believe we have won this war. Yes we are nearly there, but stupid behaviour could push us over a precipice once again, if we disregard the warning signs. These are probably the most dangerous days of the pandemic, we need to remain vigilant, protect ourselves and our families  and continue looking after the vulnerable, then ever so slowly, we will emerge to fight another day!
    My little cousin and Godson Eli celebrated his second Birthday on Friday also and despite feeling a little groggy after my vaccine, I managed to pop along with my Aunt and Cousin to give him a Birthday present. It was yet another sign that things are gradually returning to normal. A small Birthday party with close family, provided the perfect opportunity to relax and actually have a couple of drinks, rare for me. To be honest the beer went straight to my head, probably because of the way I was feeling, but time out was just what the Doctor ordered, before a very long week ahead.

    The importance of family has shone through during this pandemic, I don't think I would have got through the dark days without them. Being away from Darrell has been hard of course, but having the support of loved ones has been important. A simple Birthday party is a reminder of the circle of life, that will continue long after I have gone. As Eli grows, he will undoubtedly forget the pandemic years, for me, they will remain a part of who I am. Times that changed me as a person, have helped me forge a new path, separated from my husband. When the sun finally shines brightly once again, I will be grateful I've had time with people I love, creating new and enduring bonds, living each day with a family who care!
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    Every day I continue to learn more about myself, and I'm rather enjoying the journey!

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    3 weeks have flown by since I last wrote. With further restrictions being lifted life is beginning to be fun again. I am now going into the office 3 days per week and work is definitely getting busier.

    Last Thursday I had to take a huge step out of my comfort zone and give a presentation via zoom to a very large potential client. In a 'normal' world it would have meant a long journey to the North East. The introduction of many now working from home has eliminated that, so I guess one positive has come from the lockdowns we have endured.

    Usually in my work I am very confident but the morning of the presentation I woke up and was a bundle of nerves. I had my hypnotherapy in February for my confidence, self-esteem and self-worth, and it has been life changing. Thursday did put it to the test. My therapist has helped me overcome my anxiety by getting me to realise the same physical symptoms I experience when anxious are identical to those when I'm excited about something, so Thursday I just kept reminding myself I was excited to have been given the opportunity to deliver this presentation.

    30 minutes before the presentation I went for a walk to clear my head. I then went to the ladies and stood looking in the mirror and told myself out loud I can do this. I was dressed in business wear, the first time since November, I looked the part and felt totally at ease and confident entering the zoom conference in front of 3 senior managers and the MD of the company I was presenting to.

    My presentation was to last an hour and I knew I was the last person they would be seeing that day, with 4 competitors before me. No pressure! With the help of my Networks Director the presentation was delivered. At the end I was informed a decision would be made in two weeks. I was also a little worried when one of the senior managers said he'd like to provide feedback. My heart sank when he said I've not done this with the others but…. He went on to say how impressed he was and lots of other fantastic comments. I wanted to burst with happiness but had to maintain my professionalism. I did pretty much float home.

    Personally, life is going well. My Facebook group is continuing to grow. With just under 800 members and fantastic feedback and reviews I really cannot believe how well it has done in just over 4 months. I continually get comments saying what a fantastic group it is, how much fun people are having and what I love is the fact that so many people, like me, have connected with others we would never have met. I've already met with a few people who I've got to know through my group and have a night out planned this week to meet with about 10 others.

    What started off as a bit of a joke at a very low point in my life has turned into something I am incredibly proud of creating. My therapist has been giving her services free each week to my group members, and we have covered so many topics including, confidence, self-esteem, setting boundaries, creating your own reality and many more. My silly little group has turned into a safe, fun network of like-minded people. We laugh and joke, there is a lot of innuendo and banter. We tell our stories, which are always met with positive and encouraging remarks. One of my male group members put a comment up the other day saying he thought my group was the best he had come across and congratulated me on starting it. I'm learning to accept and appreciate the compliments I receive, something I always hid away from before as I never thought I was worthy of them. Now I embrace it.

    Somebody I cut ties with in January reached out to me 2 weeks ago. We had been friends for a number of years, but he did something that hurt me. I now know my reason for feeling hurt was because I never set boundaries. That was due to my lack of confidence. I do not hold grudges and I did accept the olive branch that was handed to me. He said he had missed me, and he does appreciate me. Something his actions didn't show in the past, but I guess that was because I allowed it.

    I am still the same person I have always been but this time I have boundaries. I know my worth. I feel like me but a better version of me. I've stopped trying to please everyone all of the time at the detriment of my feelings. I like who I am. I like how I look and I'm happy. This version of me is taking some getting used to for my friend which I find amusing. Every day I continue to learn more about myself, about who I am, what I want and what I need, and I'm rather enjoying the journey.

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    Suffering and Acceptance!

    2021 Running Sport richard-guy
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    It was quite shocking to read that 21 runners lost their lives competing in a 100 km ultra-marathon in China over the weekend. High winds and freezing rain hit part of the course and many of those competing developed hypothermia, others got lost due to poor visibility in the mountains.

    I’ve read some reports that said many runners started the event without adequate equipment or kit (whether this would have made any difference at all is debatable). I wonder if the event organisers had stipulated that competitors take minimum kit required (for example, water-proof jacket, foil blanket, first aid kit). In many events this is a requirement and if you don’t have it you are not allowed to take part (and in some events the kit also checked at aid-stations/checkpoints).
     
    Endurance events are tough. The distances covered, the training required, the physical demands and the mental demands are there to challenge all who wish to take part in them. One of the ways I’ve changed my approach to training this year is to really focus on the mental aspect. As the training distances and weekly mileage have increased, the mental aspect becomes more important. The mind gives up much quicker than the body does.

    I’ve started focused a lot more on being present and being 'in the moment.' I’m not worrying about how I’ve run or how far I have left – I don’t have a great deal of influence over either of those factors. Instead, I’m just fully focused on the next 5-10 metres and moving forwards quickly.

    Fatigue is certainly a factor on those longer runs, but that is the purpose of those long runs, to fight that fatigue and get stronger. It has taken months of carefully planned training and preparation to get to that stage. There are also going to be times when the fatigue really kicks in, my quad muscles are screaming at me to either slow down or stop. This is where being 'in the moment' really comes to the fore.

    I know that endurance events are tough. I know that training for and competing in endurance events, means that there are going to be mental highs and lows. The key is how you manage them. It is quite easy when feeling good to push the pace a bit more but at what cost later on? When having a mental low it is quite easy to stop or quit but the pain of quitting days after the event is going to be a lot worse.

    Those mental lows can be caused by multiple factors – fatigue and tiredness, low energy levels, the terrain and the weather can also add to the suffering of trying to cover the distance. Many of these I have very little influence over. What I do have influence over is how I deal with them – recognising my emotional reaction, accepting it, and letting go of it. Focusing on it will only increase the duration of those negative emotions.

    Today I put this into practice to my advantage. I did a 19.2-mile training run. I started it in the middle of a downpour and was soaked through in minutes; oh well. I didn’t think about the distance I needed to cover and the time it would take and having to do this in wet kit. Instead, I just focused on putting one foot in front of the other. Later in the run, on the return, (around 13 miles) the heavens opened again, with the added bonus of hail as well. I just kept moving forward, focusing on the next 5-10 metres. It wasn’t the greatest conditions I’ve ever trained in and being on a very exposed part of the route with a strong relentless headwind made it that bit tougher. I accepted it for what it was and just focused on moving forwards. I’d originally scheduled in to run 18 miles today but went on for another mile just because. My quad muscles were fatiguing, but that is the point of training long distances; to be able to push that bit further.

    A part of me enjoys training when the conditions are not favourable. I enjoy that aspect of working towards being comfortable in the uncomfortable. I enjoy pushing my physical and mental endurance to see how I overcome issues and challenges that arise, how emotionally react and how I deal with it.

    Less than 6 weeks of training left now, and I’m looking forward to this event.

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    A Rare Insight Into Life After COVID!

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    It's been eight days since I put pen to paper, or rather fingers to keys, and I've had the busiest time; I just don't seem to get a moment's peace lately. I've never been a person to genuinely unwind or chill and on occasion I really notice that fact; the resulting stress can be too much, causing all sorts of problems for my wellbeing. IBS is just one of the issues I have to work around, because I have never learnt to deal with the stress of life. Writing is the only mechanism I have to relax; it helps me process everything that is going on in my life and deal with circumstances I would otherwise ignore. This week I could have done with a few hours blogging, quietly in my bedroom, instead, I am having to write this entry, after a long nine-hour shift. Writing under such constraints can affect my writing, and it shows through the words I use. All of us need to make time for the things we enjoy, in order to create a more congenial environment in which to thrive.

    I did manage to speak with Darrell briefly over the last week, however, as we begin the process of organising his return to the UK. This is no easy task in the current climate; no longer can you jump on a plane and fly to the other side of the World. A suitable care package will have to be arranged for Mum, in case Darrell is unable to return and her health deteriorates. He will have to apply for an exemption to travel, three months before he intends to fly and of course, both of us will have to monitor COVID restrictions carefully, in case things make a turn for the worst. Nothing is easy anymore, we are back where we were in 1998, and it's going to get harder.
    Suddenly things have got hectic again, after nearly six months of lockdown. I have gone from working as little as possible and getting paid furlough from the pub where I work, to grafting 24/7. Don't get me wrong, I am fine with work and enjoy working hard, but in my 50th year, I should be taking it a little easier, not working every hour that God sends. The reality is, I need to make more time to do the things I love and take a step back when I am able, instead of agreeing to do everything for other people, getting very little in return.

    My IBS has been chronic lately, I have had symptoms every single day, and they are getting worse. I am doing everything I can to try and control the symptoms, but my life has just become so damn stressful; the anxiety I feel is overtaking my life, consequently exacerbating my IBS symptoms. Trying to get Darrell back home for November has become my overriding priority and the steps we are having to take, is bringing back memories of our struggle to stay together in the late 1990s. If I am truthful, I am probably suffering with some form of depression and need something to help - therapy, medication or a friendly shoulder to cry on. I am finding this period difficult to manage, especially with my growing workload and need to rethink my current Situation.

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    Being back at Cancer Research has brought me close to the people I care about once again, laughing, joking and talking about everyday mundane stuff, that I haven't been able to do for so long. This is the outlet that I need each week, to get me through, but it is also a time when I should be taking it easy; integrating it into my schedule can be hard. I am going to have to make some adjustments in order to continue doing what I love most. This week will be a time to rework my life in order to continue moving in the direction I want.

    After speaking with my Doctor this week, I am taking back control of my destiny. I have suffered with various aches and pains for too long now and have started demanding answers. Under GP supervision, I have cut back the statins I take for high cholesterol by half; after reading about the side effects, that could be responsible for the way I am feeling, I think I may have stumbled across some much-needed answers. It has been a week since I changed my medication and surprisingly, I am starting to feel a lot better. Maybe these little pills were causing me problems, maybe it's just psychosomatic or maybe, just maybe, I need to start doing things on my terms.

    I have contacted Queen Alexandra Hospital, to try and push my gallstone operation forward and am also trying to discover when I have been scheduled to undergo colon and endoscopies. These are all part of the crucial investigations into the nature of the pain I am experiencing. My GP, is also writing to them to plead my case, for urgent examinations to begin as soon as possible, since my symptoms are getting worse. There are no guarantees of course, but I hope the more I harass and cajole, the more responsive they will be. I haven't felt good for a long-time now and just want to feel normal again. My Doctor seems to think, that when Darrell returns from Australia, all my problems will just disappear. I personally have my doubts; there is more to this than a simple return to normality; only time will tell.
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    On a positive note, with lockdown finally over on 17th May, I was back working behind the bar at the Newcome Arms. After seeing familiar faces once again, as cliché as it sounds, it really did feel like I had never been away. Colleagues and customers have always played an important role in my life in Portsmouth, and it was difficult being apart during the height of the pandemic. Returning to this backstreet pub was a sure sign normality was returning once again, at least in the short term. This was the first job I had in Portsmouth, after my return from Spain, and it is probably the most important for that reason. The people who frequent The Newcome are family friends first and foremost, my boss is a good and trusted friend and I feel comfortable in the company of colleagues, I have known for a long time now. These first small steps back to the way things were, will be difficult, but the little public house on the corner of Newcome Road, is a step back in time to the future all of us crave.

    When I look at the state of the World today, I am lucky to be working at all. It was fortunate I returned home when I did in 2018, had I  still been in Spain when the pandemic hit, my life could have been very different. This week has offered a rare insight into life after COVID-19, and it's pretty much the same as it was before the virus. As long as we all remain vigilant and the Indian variant doesn't take hold in every corner of the country, all of us should be able to breathe a 'half sigh' of relief, looking forward to a life that was put on hold, eighteen months ago!
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    Thoughts On Equality In Sport!

    2021 Running Sport richard-guy
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    Is sport as diverse as it can be and is it a level playing field (no pun intended) for all who participate?

    It is an interesting question and something I’ve been reflecting on after watching a few TedTalks and some of the reading I’ve been doing recently. If we look at running as an example, men and women at a professional or elite level don’t compete together within the events they participate in. I looked at the world records for some of the track events – the current world record for the men’s 100 m is 9.58 seconds, whereas the women’s record is 10.49 seconds (that time would not have gained a qualification to the men’s 100 m final at the last Olympic Games in Rio). The figures and differences follow a similar trend as you look at 200 m, 400 m, 800 m, and so on.

    Where this trends starts to drift is at marathon distance and beyond. There was no official women’s marathon at the Olympic Games until 1984!!!! Women had competed occasionally, but it wasn’t fully recognised. It wasn’t until the late 1960’s that women were permitted to run in marathons as elite athletes. This is staggering really as the evidence suggests that women are able to compete with men on an almost equal footing when the distances increase.

    I did a presentation in work about 6 years ago as part of a course on the cyclist Beryl Burton (“Who?” you are probably thinking – and no one attending the course had heard of her either). Beryl Burton was a phenomenal athlete who held multiple national records in an amateur career that spanned 4 decades as well as winning multiple national and world titles. The most remarkable title she held was the national 12-hour time trial championship in 1967 where she rode 277.25miles. She beat all the men taking part and held the national record (for both men and women – the women’s record stood until 2017!!!!!!) I’m still of the opinion that had women been able to compete in track cycling at the Olympic Games whilst Burton was still riding she would be our most decorated Olympian – however, very few people outside of cycling have ever heard of her.
     
    Within Ultra-distance running women are not only competing but are also winning events outright. Pam Reed won the Badwater Ultra in 2002 (this is considered to be one of the toughest footraces on the planet – 135miles through Death Valley!!) beating the first man home by over 4 hours and 30 minutes. It wasn’t a fluke either because the following year she repeated this by beating the first man to finish by 25 minutes (and that man was Dean Karnazes – one of the best male ultra-runners in the world!).
    Mimi Anderson has also won multiple races outright as have multiple other female ultra-runners, but very rarely do we hear about it. Jasmin Paris made national headlines and received much media coverage in 2019 after winning the 2019 Spine Race (268miles along the Pennine Way).
     
    There have been multiple studies and much research into why women are able to compete almost equally with men at ultra-endurance events – physiology and how the body uses fuel, pain threshold differences, mental strength, and ego-check (men are more likely to go at a much faster at the start and suffer for it later).

    Interestingly, when looking at separate race divisions for male and female competitors the organiser of the Big’s Backyard Ultra (Gary Cantrell (aka Lazarus Lake) – the creator of the infamously tough Barkley Marathons – a race so tough that only 18 runners have completed the full course since 1986!!!!) decided to scrap the separate male and female divisions – in 2019 a woman won the event overall.
     
    Outside ultra-running very few athletes get the media coverage they sometimes deserve for their achievements – now imagine if a woman was to win a mixed 100 m final at the Olympics and the media coverage that would receive. Imagine how inspiring and empowering that would be, especially for younger female athletes. I think it is a shame when we are looking at equality and role-modelling in sport that it is not as balanced as it could be and creating that environment where participation should be based upon ability and not gender.

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    Countdown to 17th May!

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    Yesterday I made my first visit to The Newcome in six months; Finally, after such a long absence, we will be allowed to open on Monday. This will be the first time pubs will be able to serve alcohol indoors since December, when our third lockdown came into effect. Like most of us, I am looking forward to a semblance of normality, nevertheless, it is likely to cause anxiety for all of us, as the doors once again open to the public.

    The pub is looking good, redecorated and given a fresh lick of paint for the reopening. Personally I am relishing getting back behind the bar and seeing old customers and friends. Part of the reason for working in a pub in the first place was for the social interaction, which I have missed a lot over the  'Pandemic months.' It remains to be seen, how many old faces will return under the circumstances. I remain a little reticent about working in such an environment, in the absence of receiving my second jab, but as long as we stick to the rules, I am hopeful everything will work out just fine!

    Next week will be the beginning of yet another new chapter and boy, we've had a few of those in recent times. Making a conscious decision to change my outlook after this third lockdown, I will not be working the extreme hours I was before, which depleted me of energy and made me feel tired most of the time. I want to continue working at a pace that suits my age, rather than what others expect of me. It is important I think about myself, especially with all my ailments and do only as much, as my body allows.

    The days of running from one job to the next are long gone, my body can't handle that any more. The Pandemic has taught me much about looking after myself and ensuring my needs come first. Slowing down is natural as we age; going too far, too fast is one sure fire way to burn out quickly. My possible COVID diagnosis, one year and two months ago and resulting ongoing symptoms, has made me reassess the way I organise my life. Today I will only do as much as I physically can and no more. We've only got one life in this World, so it's important we take care of ourselves, more now than ever. This pandemic isn't going away anytime soon; as I wait for procedures and appointments, delayed because of COVID, it's important I begin to take a step back, at least in the short term. The Newcome will test my abilities once again, I can only hope I step up to the task.
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