I was having a chat with Jamie yesterday, about many things, when the subject of friendships came up. Myself and Jamie had many of the same friends in Southampton, we mixed in the same circles and many of our friendships had lasted years. Friends are important in anyone's life, especially for Jamie at his age. We have all met some fantastic compatriots since moving here. These bonds were formed mainly at the beginning of our time in Gran Alacant, before the summer season started. This is the ideal time to get to know people, when there are less bodies about and you have more time to spend with the hoi polloi. The people we met and now have friendships with, are mainly residents, many of whom, have lived here for ten years or more. They are great, slightly older than us, but are a joy to know. They have pointed us in the right direction, showed us the right way to do things and been there if we have needed help!
The summer season has bought in new faces, many new faces. There is a mix of tourists from all over Europe as well as second home owners, mainly from the UK and Scandinavia. On average, people spend probably about four weeks in Gran Alacant. Many of those here, have their own local pubs and bars, the ones they frequent more often, the ones they feel more comfortable drinking in and most importantly the places they get on with the staff better. Jamie said to me, that he found it difficult making friends for brief periods of time, then people would leave, returning later in the year, or never at all. To be honest, I hadn't really thought about it that way before. I have just seen Gran Alacant as a bit of a transient place, people enjoy themselves when they are here and eventually move on, mainly after a brief period of time. Personally I quite like that idea, of short term friendships.
I have made many friends over the years, not only in the UK, but also Australia, Croatia and The United States, all places I have visited or stayed in. In my home town of Southampton or indeed the place I was born, I have friendships that have lasted the test of time, for thirty years or more, Many of these friends left their own unique mark on my life, all of them for very different reasons. I appreciate all of their intimacies, for individual reasons. Many of these people will no longer be in my life on a regular basis now, but I know, as soon as we see each other in the future, we will start off where we have finished. I have built these relationships up over a lifetime and quite frankly I have no need to do the same again.
That may seem harsh to those reading today's entry in my blog, and maybe it is, but in my experience, excluding the odd one or two individuals, friendships are not necessarily what you believe or want them to be! Getting too close to people is a problem and not something I wish to do again. Moving to Spain has shown many of those, we regarded as friends, for who they are. People are quick to enjoy the fruits of comradeship, when you live just around the corner, offer a place to stay and money in their pocket. When you pick up, move on and leave they are quick to turn the other way.
The nature of tourism, is short term travel. People spending brief periods of time in a destination, they enjoy, then returning back to reality, in their home country. For Jamie and myself, this is reality, this is home and we live it every day. I am well used to living in this holiday destination. I like the fact, there are smiling faces everyday and people are only here for short periods. Although I have formed many close bonds with tourists and homeowners alike, who only spend a short time out here, I haven't actually got close enough to anyone, to get involved in their lives, which could store up problems for the future. Coming from a life, so different, over many years in Southampton, this is a welcome change, one which I am embracing.
For Jamie, someone who is a lot younger and has different friendship needs, it has been more difficult to adjust to this way of life. Jamie is only twenty three, so the friendships he forms now, will be important for the rest of his life, just like they were, when I was his age. In fact I had just met Darrell when I was Jamie's age. Many of those people who were around then, for us, are still there now, even if it is in a different Country.
I went out with Jamie on Sunday night, and met many of his friends. These are the people, Jamie works with or near on a daily basis. They are all great people. They are the ones that will be around, when the tourists go home. They will be here in the winter, when the place is quiet and they will be the ones, he ultimately gains true friendship from. Without being detrimental to tourists, when they do spend time in Gran Alacant, you do only see one side of them, you don't see the real people they are, unlike those you live and work with everyday.
The residents are good people, they are important. They see people come and go all the time and have learned to live with what comes with it! We have all made some great, long lasting friendships with those who live here on a permanent basis, because they do see life, a little more from our point of view. They are the one's that have stuck their necks out for us. The nature of friends and friendships is very different in Spain, transient and long lasting, genuine and less so, but this is all part of the growing experience of living in a new place. In time, just as Jamie's homesickness has gone, so will his fear for friendship and he will settle down, towards the most productive part of his life so far. Just like us all!
