Most people who read my blogs, are well aware of what happened to me, over the last few years. The story of my life was always a rollercoaster, compounded by the most disagreeable elements in my life, causing life changing pain and long lasting angst. I knew very little about Sociopaths, until last year, when the path I was walking, changed and those repugnant people in my life, became far worse than I could have ever imagined. I have mentioned before, that I was an extremely bad judge of character; I never really understood the psyche, of people, what they were about, what their motives were and what they wanted from me. People are complex, some good, some bad, and they can, as I have found out recently, be terrible, dangerous and life threatening!
I have written on the subject of sociopathy before, over the last couple of years. At various different points in my recent life, it has been necessary, to put down in words, what I am actually feeling as a person. It helps with the healing process, to see one's experiences written down, for the whole world to see. The world does need to know, what I went through, as it does, through the stories of others, who have suffered similar, more harmful and damaging occurrences. Yes, there are people out there who have been through far worse. I have been in contact with many of them; others I have read about, just to understand, if what I believed was going on with me, was true.
When you hear the truth, you do experience a period of shock and disbelief. You have a lot of questions, about what you have just found out and discovered about those who, in so many cases, you regarded as friends. The sociopaths in this world are indeed very agreeable people. They are best friends, family members, best men at weddings, in fact anyone, absolutely anyone, who walks this Earth and you interact with. These people come across as good people initially. You can be taken in by their charm and whit very easily. One of my closest friends went out with a sociopath and went through hell as a result. Like us, she never found out what was going on, until it was too late, as one often does in these situations.
The difficulty with a sociopath, is their plausibility. I fell for not one, but two and probably more sociopaths, all working for the same charitable organisation I was. They infiltrated every part of my life. They became integral to my success or otherwise and I respected them, looked up to them and held them in high regard. They said the things I needed to hear, the oratory I expected, and I believed in them.
Hearing the word Sociopath for the first time, was more confusing then anything. I had never really heard of the word before. I was talking to a professional at the time, used to dealing with people, who had suffered similar circumstances. She had listened to me on and off, over a period of a few months and was able to give me a diagnosis on what exactly was happening in my life. She explained as best as she could. Told me to remain calm and explained that what I had gone through was akin to abuse, abuse over a long period of time.
A sociopath is basically a psychopath, a social psychopath, who targets people for their vulnerability and expertise. A sociopath has no real abilities themselves, they use those closest to them, to do the jobs they can't do. They are arch manipulators, able to make you believe, whatever is happening to you, is your fault, when in reality, it is them who have been trying to destroy, influence and sabotage in your name, you just never knew it. One of the sociopaths who tried to annihilate and obliterate me was my boss. Someone who I used to look up too, a person I trusted, but a person who was as bad as they get. From what I discovered through other colleagues and people in the know at Head Office, she was known as a sociopath. She had been in her position, at that time, for about fifteen years and hadn't progressed any further, because of who or rather what she was. The people I worked for, tried to keep her contained, yet she was allowed to run riot across a region of twenty plus managers and worse still seven hundred volunteers. The buck stopped with this woman. She had full control over people's lives and made or broke people on a daily basis.
I knew some very good Managers who had suffered at her hand. Most of them had walked out of their positions in the end, unable or unwilling to cope with her destructive ways. She was a terrible Manager on paper, in charge of a failing region. Money had gone missing and the blame was being pushed onto others, who were innocent victims of hers. She used other employees to do her dirty work, causing pain to good people, who worked within the charity. This charity and her, were responsible for illness, depression and even others trying to take their own lives. She turned her back on people who needed help, ignored legislation and always, always tried to blame others for her own failings.
My life became intolerable in the end, especially during the last few months, before I was removed from work, due to stress, illness and threats to my wellbeing and life. I finally became aware of this person, not who she pretended to be, but her as a person, the real her, the reality, the sociopath. She had ignored messages from me, with regards to the health of my employees. She had disregarded my pleas for help at work, as my workload increased, even though she knew I was Bipolar, going through a difficult period. She passed over concerning incidents in the workplace and even told lies and untruths about others, who were trying to protect those who worked for her. Her whole life was a lie, a complete, dishonest, aborent lie. She had no conscience and did not know how to tell the truth. All the while others were suffering, as she continued to get away with murder!
You have to remember, all the time this was going on, my Head Office were aware of the situation. They were instrumental in others failing and getting hurt, because they did not want to admit the truth. During this period, of awareness, I am at last able to think far more clearly. I am fully aware now, that those at the top of my organisation are completely responsible for what happened. My boss was able to get away with what she did, because they turned a blind eye and dismissed the calls for help. In their view there was little if anything they could or had the power to do, because as a sociopath, she could quite easily, use who she was, to destroy the reputation, of the charity she worked for, and they were fully aware of that. They had their own asses to protect in reality. They had their well paid jobs to shield and defend; people like myself were expendable. The fact that I wasn't stupid and knew exactly what was going on and would not shut up, as I will not now, has made it worse for me. I know they just wanted me to go away, what they didn't bargain for, was I am not that sort of person. I hate injustice, especially against vulnerable individuals!
I am a thinker; I mull things over in my head. After a few months, being off work, I knew there was something, not quite right. I had bipolar and I had relapsed, but there was definitely more, to what was going on. It wasn't until I began speaking to people, colleagues, friends and those of an independent nature, that I realised what was happening on the surface; it was not as it seemed. A woman colleague was drip feeding information, over quite a long period of time, she was gradually telling a story to me, the chronicle of what had actually happened; she seemed to know everything. She was well informed and was speaking to people at the top of the charity I was working for. I trusted her, after being told too. I was reluctant at first, because I was informed of just how bad she was. but gave in, as my health deteriorated. She was helpful in every sense of the word, both officially and as a friend. I took all the advice she gave me, totally. All the while, I was mindful, that the things she was saying, did not seem completely truthful, something inside of me was saying, be careful of her and try to see beyond what she was suggesting.
I was of course right to be distrustful of this individual. I became so weary of her, I contacted an organisation about the methods she was using; over a very short, traumatic period I discovered the truth about her. She was another sociopath; there were two sociopaths in our region. Each one of them were using those closest to try and discredit the other. They were playing a game with people's lives and they didn't care. I have made a point of not mentioning their names anymore, because the reality is, I don't have to. Those who know me, understand who I am talking about. I am also aware, that these people are probably not the only sociopaths at work in this foundation. Sadly charities experience these people more than most, because of the vulnerable nature of those who work for them; it is important, for a sociopath, to gain their own sense of power. They pick on vulnerable people, because they can use them; having full control over them; it is still going on; I am fully aware of that!
This piece today is an update about what transpired over the last few years and beyond. Somebody, who saw me go through the pain of discovery, asked me recently, how I was doing now? Have I got over what happened? I don't think you ever fully get over what happened, when you have been the victim of a sociopath or psychopath. You will always remember the bad times. The nightmares are still very real, although less and less frequent now. I know this chapter in my life is not over. I understand that one day I will end up in court, having to give evidence against these people, I have already been told that. I understand that their game playing goes on and they will always be the sociopath at the end of the bed, They will never change, they can't, it is part of who they are. Actually more than a part, it is them, fully, they are that person.
I am more aware of the difficulties and constraints, the charity I used to work for, is working under. Due to the nature of the crimes these sociopaths committed, they can not just out these people for who they are, they have to work within the constraints of the law. Only a judge can determine if someone is a sociopath or not. For the organisation I work for, they have to collect a lot of material on a number of people over a long period of time, in order to form a watertight case against the perpetrators. Eventually they will have enough data and we will be called back to give evidence. I for one am willing and ready to do so, despite the way I was handled by my employer. These people have to be stopped eventually, before other people get seriously hurt, more hurt than I or others have, thus far.
What happened to me, caused great harm. I nearly died on two separate occasions. I was brought to the brink of suicide and suffered the indignities that went with that. I had Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, a re-diagnosis, a rethinking of my life and given advice to leave the UK and change my name, from solicitors and the police. I literally suffered every single day, reliving terrible experiences, but I got through it, I am alive, living a much better, more worthwhile life. I am successful in what I want to do, writing for a magazine and living in a country I love. I have rebuilt my life and am finally enjoying it, that is important and the sociopaths knows that.
That isn't quite the end of the story, it never will be, until 'THE SOCIOPATHS' are brought to justice. Their disgusting lives continue, unabated, they are still carrying out some terrible acts, against others. I would hope those I used to work for are doing what they have to do, to protect others, but I seriously have my doubts. I will always suffer the pain of what happened to me, as will those closest to me. I have been offered no help, except from those, I spoke to myself. I had to help myself in all respects and was left broken because of it. I have been offered payment to sell my story, which I am at present considering. I have spoken to a publishing house and have heard good things from others in my position and have even been asked to write on the subject of Sociopathy for a famous website. Since moving to Spain, so many doors have opened for me. This story is ending well for me, as I can finally breath as a person, follow a different direction and finally lead a successful life, away from the sociopaths who haunted it for so long!
