Today's blog entry is a follow on from yesterdays entry
'A letter to myself.' In my blog today, I wanted to talk about the lessons I have learned in life; I have written about 'Life Lessons' before; this is an update on a subject, that for me changes, the more I learn, today my 'life lessons' are different to those of yesterday. At 46 years old, I have had a lot of life experience, probably more than most people of my age. The last time I returned to my home town of Fareham, I was heartened to see, some familiar faces, still living in this tiny market town, living their lives normally, in contrast to my own, which was and still is complicated in the extreme. I look at those I used to go to school with, with envy, achieving all they expected in life. The lessons I have learned in life are born out of knowledge. The lessons others have learned will be entirely different; they are unique, personal to the individual concerned.
Do you remember when you were at school, choosing your options for study at the age of thirteen? The subjects you are most interested in; lessons that will ultimately determine your future direction. Do you recall how hard it was to select those topics? At thirteen years old, I was supposed to map out my whole life and career, based on dubious choices, set by my school, that may or may not appeal to me long term. I don't mind telling you, I was in no state of mind to determine anything; (teenagers rarely are) let alone my future direction and long term outlook. None of us are infallible, we all make mistakes, especially when we are young and should not have to make decisions that will effect are whole life at the age of thirteen. We are supposed to make mistakes, if we didn't, how would we learn, grow and achieve; miscalculations are an inevitable part of our journey and we are all signed up to make many of them.
Life never turns out the way you expect it too. When I was planning my future at thirteen years old, I had a vague idea what I wanted to do. My interests were weighted towards writing and politics; my ambition was to become a politician; not everyone's favourite pastime, but something I felt passionate about. Despite my dedication towards these pursuits, my life deviated, as my concentration leaned towards personal challenges. Had I not been born gay, would I have achieved my dream today? There is no real answer to that; it is probable that I would have taken a different direction, but equally, I believe fate would have steered a steady course to where I am now, homosexual or not.
Darrell is my soul mate, had I not followed the path I did, we would have never met. Despite my angst at not achieving a high flying career in my chosen field, I am still luckier than most; I have a twenty two year relationship under my belt, which is more than most of the friends I know. My life, was always about my partnership, it is the most import part of my existence; I would give up everything to be happy with the person I love. Sharing experiences jointly with a loved one is worth more than the biggest pay check. Although I haven't fulfilled my ambitions, I am happy in my marriage and finally following my aspirations, living in a foreign country; how may other people can say that is true for them. I have spent periods, depressed because of my lack of progress financially but am of a mind now, that I have done all I can to live a full life, no matter how stressful it is. True to form, I am still learning those lessons,
The biggest shock for me, was discovering people were not who they made out to be. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, spoke honestly, lied little and shown my true side; that isn't the same for others I have come into contact with. Not everyone is so honest about themselves and their faults; a personal choice, of course, unless they have an ulterior motive or hidden agenda. Most individuals I have met are not who they claim, lying being their game. It is only now that I am beginning to work out the good from the bad, because of life's forebearance; not always a bonus in my book; I can no longer take people at face value, always believing the worst, when I should be non judgemental and less analytical. Life is about being aware of others but accepting them for who they are. I am not a saint and I don't expect others to be also.
So a few words about life lessons this Thursday afternoon; there are of course other things that are important, but these lessons are prominent; fresh in my mind today; you may have others to add to this list of mine. It is imperative, not to go through life critiquing every aspect, equally keep your wits about you and stay aware of what and who others are; don't be naive, ask questions and if something or someone isn't good for you, choose a different path. None of us have to settle for second best!
