So, the big 3-0 is nearly here, 2 days to go. The breakdown has been impending for a few weeks now… This morning I broke down in my mum’s arms and asked for my birthday to be cancelled. I explained my life was planned differently to this and I never expected to enter my 30th year single.
I’m not in a great mindset at the moment in general, went away for the weekend last weekend and it turned out to be a really tough time. I won’t go into why, or specifics, but boy did my mental health take a battering.
I’m now at my parents for a few days, chilling, reading and generally just having a relaxed few days. But the problem is, relaxing means my mind goes into over time and starts telling me rubbish that I don’t want to hear.
I’m off to the cinema by myself this afternoon to try and distract my mind from all the negative thoughts. I’m also going to go for a nice walk with Rosie and see if that can distract me a bit too.
I’ve dreaded my 30th birthday for a long old time, constantly comparing myself to where my friends are in their lives at their 30ths.
So, if you need me on Saturday I’ll be hiding under my bed, having an emotional breakdown (picture Rachel from friends).
Happy New Year!
I’ve been umming and ahhing writing a new blog and didn’t know whether to or not, but here I am!
So, 2019! How the bloody hell did we get here so quickly? It’s scary isn’t it, one minute you’re leaving school, the next it’s your 30th year being alive on this planet!
Talking of 30th… as I’m sure you ALL know, it’s my 30th birthday in 19 days and 4 hours (I’m not counting!) If you asked me in November how I feel about my 30th, I probably would have cried on the spot. Now? I am ABSOLUTELY BUZZING! I’ve got so so many great plans for the actual day, building up to the day and after the day! I’m going to embrace turning 30 years old! Side note, ask for my address for present deliveries.
So… this year so far… I saw in the New Year with my mummy. We had such a brilliant night at the pub in Weymouth. As soon as midnight struck, mum turned to me, gave me a massive kiss and said “2019 is going to be your year Claire.”
So far I have 3 holidays and a trip to Wales planned this year, I’m also still looking at going away for a couple of nights alone… any suggestions for that one?
I am still single but have spent the last few weeks learning how to enjoy my own company… and wow, what a difference that has made. I feel so chilled when I’m home alone and my phone hasn’t gone off for over 5 hours!
I’ve also massively changed my mindset with how I look at things, I am really working on being positive and seeing the positive in every situation. There have been a couple of stressful moments in 2019 so far and I’ve nearly had a wobble but I’ve kept my head straight and thought about things logically.
I haven’t cried sad tears since way before Christmas (crying whilst watching sas who dares wins doesn’t count!)
I started my volunteering a few weeks ago and absolutely love it! I’m looking after a 75 year old lady called Sheila. Next week we are going to play bingo together and I can’t wait! If anyone can spare 1-2 hours a week to help out with this, please let me know so I can pass on the details of the charity to you!
Don’t get me wrong, life isn’t perfect and there will always be hiccups on the way but I’m dealing with every day as it comes and I am happy.
I am determined to make 2019 the best year of my life to date!!