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    Richards Journey!

    richard-guy Richards Journey Running
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    HELLO

    Hi and thanks for clicking on the link to my first blog entry.

    So why am I writing a blog? I’ve asked myself that question quite a few times this morning and I guess it is for a number of reasons.

    Firstly, it is a good way of me looking at a journey I am currently on and secondly I hope that people who read will understand and possibly be inspired by my journey.
     
    My name is Rich and I have suffered from mental health issues since my mid-late twenties which resulted in me taking an overdose of paracetamol , being admitted to hospital, and then under-going a couple of months of counselling. It helped and certainly helped me get my life back on track. I had a change of career, got back into exercising again (and raced in triathlons and ran quite a few marathons), and entered into a happy relationship which lasted for 8 years.
     
    Almost 20 years on my mental health issues returned. I have spent most of 2018 depressed and unmotivated – my self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, self-value, and self-opinion have crashed.

    I moved to Portsmouth last year relocating for work and was in a new and happy relationship which has now ended, has devastated me and left me heartbroken.

    The things I said I would do when I moved here have just remained ideas and I’ve not been motivated to change that.

    I have felt isolated and so alone. I have contemplated moving away on numerous occasions but I know this is not the answer and won’t resolve the underlying issues I need to deal with.

    Tomorrow I have an appointment with my GP and I am also accessing support within work.

    The one thing I have found that is helping is getting back into running again – it gives me time to switch off and gives me something to focus on.

    I am goal/target driven – in work and away from work. With running I just can’t go out and do it for fitness reasons I need a target to aim for.

    I’ve run 5ks, 10ks, half-marathons and marathons in the past and feel like I will always be looking at previous personal bests, average paces, run splits, and all that kind of thing and as I am a bit older I know I will not achieve what I had in the past – leading to frustration and a lack of motivation again.

    I needed a new challenge and decided to enter an ultra-marathon instead – on 11th August 2019 I will be running 31 miles (50km) along the River Thames – starting at Kingston-upon-Thames and finishing at the Thames Barrier. At the moment I’m just getting myself out of the door and doing 30 minute runs at an easy pace – 31 miles seems like a long way off at the moment.

    It sounds like the maddest idea I have had but when I think about it the idea is perfect – it is a target I have never set myself before, running ultras is more about the journey than the finishing time or personal bests, and running helps with my mental health so I guessed the further the better.

    If it goes well then in 2020 I am going to enter a 100km (62 miles) ultra along the Serpent Trail on the South Downs.
     
    So my blog is going to be about my journey and I am hoping that the journey will see me find peace with myself, address my current mental health issues and get them under control once again, and what steps I am taking to achieve to make myself happy again.

  • Published on

    Christmas Thoughts!

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    take part in 'roaming brit!'

    Would you like to take part in 'Roaming Brit' this Christmas? Why not email or message me your Christmas thoughts for the festive season. Whether you choose a poem, personal reflection or an inspirational quote, all words are welcome. You don't have to write an essay, just a few lines that mean the World to you at this time of year. All those who take part will have their work published, starting from 15 November 2018!
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  • Published on

    Rab's World!

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    'Now that I am older, rolling out of bed in the morning is easy... It's getting back up off the floor that's the problem!'
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  • Published on

    Anxiety!

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    Yesterday was another busy day for me, working two jobs and having to meet a deadline for an article that is due to be published on Friday. I did however manage to find time to have a brief chat with a friend here in Portsmouth; the subject 'anxiety.' This topic also cropped up the day before, whilst talking with someone else I knew on a very similar subject. I was quite taken aback that these two individuals suffered with anxiety at all. On the surface at least they both seem confident and always articulate in the language they use, one would never believe they experience the fear and disquiet this common condition causes.

    I have always endured anxiety to differing degrees, for most of my life. Looking back, it is clear my problems started at school, through bullying and harassment. At the time these acts were ignored and consequently left unchecked; as a result I experienced years and years of nervous apprehension and consternation. The reality was I tolerated abuse everyday, because nothing had been done to stop the tirade of mistreatment experienced from an early age. Growing up with a past that haunts one is difficult to shake off and one does tend to carry around the consequences for many years; in some cases a lifetime.

    People cope with anxiety and stress in different ways, some more appropriate than others. Most of us who have agonised have our own set of rules when confronted by a distressing situation; I am no exception. Today I have learnt to combat any set of circumstances I find uncomfortable, because I have had to. Since returning to Portsmouth I haven't encountered any undue discomfort, unlike my final few months living in Spain. The key to overcoming what occurred when I lived in Gran Alacant, was removing myself from the situation. In basic terms I walked away and got out of Spain pretty quickly when I realised I was once again being manipulated. Choosing to return home was the best decision I ever made.

    For too long I had ignored the warning signs; foreboding feelings, not trusting my own judgement and believing I was overreacting and wrong, when actually I was right, just a few of the recognisable triggers. The instincts I anticipated were accurate, I just preferred to disregard the seriousness of what I was confronting. It is always important to believe that gut feeling inside and act quickly to avoid further pain. Removing oneself or others is an important step in dealing with feelings of anxiety.

    I was interested to hear how others coped with their own demons and intrigued at their choice to isolate and separate themselves from society, in order to remove the source of the hindrance. This isn't the way forward; the loneliness one experiences during the aftermath of such a decision can be more damaging that the anxiety itself. Of course hiding away and closing the door will eliminate those responsible for the way we are feeling, but the long term damage caused by excluding oneself, is a side effect that is difficult to cure.

    Today I choose to confront my insecurities headlong and throw myself in at the deep end. If I don't like something, someone or a position I find myself in I embrace it, rather than retreat. Returning home has given me new impetus. I work two jobs, write, blog and volunteer and am about to start a healthy living and wellbeing programme, all having the combined effect of making me feel confident, happy, content and most importantly strong enough to cope with whatever life throws my way.  My active lifestyle, willingness to walk away, disregarding the abusers and strength of character and self belief in myself, has all served to wipe away and shrug off the devil on my back.

    Everyone copes with anxious feelings differently, my humble advice is to challenge those feelings and attack the causes precipitously, without a second thought. Don't procrastinate, don't hang around accepting yet more of the same, grab the predicament by the neck, metaphorically of course, and shake the pain away!
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  • Published on

    Friends!

    claire-coe Friends
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    Click above to take you to Claire's personal blog!


    So, after writing my first blog, I woke up the next day feeling sick and full of regret.

    There were certain “Friends” that haven’t spoken to me about it, mentioned it, commented on it or generally cared.

    So, a “normal” person would say, who cares… look how many people DO care. I had about 30 messages over night from various different people, congratulating me, telling me their stories etc etc. But still, the first thought is.. what about the others.

    Something that has been a huge huge part of my life, more so in the last year is how frequently friends come and go as you get older.

    Finding myself nearly 30 and newly single, I realised how much I needed my friends. I felt my self looking around and seeing that people that were a huge part of my life last year are now No where to be seen.

    I remember my mum telling me a few years ago that as I get older, I will lose a lot of friends but the friends I keep will be for life.

    What I find really hard is the fact that I have some wonderful friends who have always been incredible to me, however I still find myself “mourning” over the loss of the old friends, especially when they walked out of my life completely randomly and for what feels like no reason.

    I know I need to pick myself up and treasure those that ARE still around and not forgetting the new friends I’ve made along the way. So here is to doing exactly that… to my TRUE friends… Thank you xxx

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  • Published on

    Happy Birthday Zerina!

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    I wanted to wish my boss at Cancer Research, Zerina a very happy Birthday today; not the 60 years old portrayed in the photograph, but a far more youthful 47 years young.

    I would also like to thank Zerina for welcoming me to her shop in Commercial Road and for her support over the last five months I have been living in Portsmouth. As a Manager she is professional and a worthy representative for her chosen cause, as a friend she is one of the best, not only towards me, but everyone who plays their part in this Charity shop. Zerina is always full of fun and keeps everyone focused on the job at hand. Thanks to Zerina, I feel happy and content with my role and always enjoy my time volunteering on a Monday. If you treat employees well, they will always go over and above their remit, as I hope I do; with a serving of good humour and sarcasm to boot, this most certainly is an uplifting, inspiring and stimulating time of the week for me.

    Many Happy returns Zerina, you have made my transition from Spanish to Portsmouth life, that much easier. As a person you couldn't wish for a better boss; I look forward to spending many more days working with you at Cancer Research. They say life begins at 40, so you have a lot of fun filled years ahead of you, enjoy your evening today and always keep the party going!
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