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    The Importance of Friendships!

    Australia Britain Friends Colleagues Gran Alacant Memories Of Portsmouth Memories Of Spain blog
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    It's been fantastic to talk to friends from back home in The UK this week. My life is so busy currently, that I hardly get any time to myself, let alone the opportunity to phone people. Thankfully, I found a few hours out of my ever-growing schedule to sit down and spend quality time with Michelle and Paul from Liverpool and Kire from Portsmouth.

    Many of you will remember Paul and Meesh from my time in Spain. These were my Spanish family who were there through the good and dark times, in equal measure. They were always a great source of support during my two years in Gran Alacant, and it has been 8 years since I have seen them both. I felt quite emotional talking to these gorgeous people, and it took me back to one of the happiest periods in my life.

    This morning I was also able to spend half an hour with Kire, who I used to work with at Tesco in Portsmouth. This was a job I thoroughly enjoyed and formed many lasting friendships, during a crucial few years when Darrell and I were separated through the COVID pandemic raging across the world. Kire, was the first hug of the morning and the last hug of the day. I don't think she ever really understood my embracing nature, but she always gave me a massive cuddle back—even during the pandemic. 

    Kire and all those I worked with in Portsmouth have remained friends since I moved to Australia, and it's because of people like them that my adjustment to life down under has been as trouble free as possible. It is true to say, we don't have many friendships here, but friends from back home, more than make up for it.

    In today's vlog, I discuss friendships and the important role they play in my life. 
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    A Tribute to Paul!

    Australia Friends Colleagues Gran Alacant Memories Of Spain Remembering Gran Alacant Zest blog
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    The death of someone close never gets any easier to bear, and God knows I've lost countless people in my life! 

    This week I heard of the death of Paul Bayley, a friend from Spain and a remarkable young man. Paul was there for me during the darkest of times, when I lived in Gran Alacant, as well as the happier and more humorous occasions, when the expat community celebrated milestones and events in their own inimitable unique way. Paul was an important part of the fabric of an urbanisation that I think about every day and a place I hope to return to one day.

    In today's blog, I have recorded a tribute to Paul and the special place he holds in my heart. Paul was quite simply a wonderful, honest, empathetic man, who ways always there if you needed him!

    RIP mate!
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    Weekly Catch Up!

    Australia Friends Colleagues My Writing blog
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    Our first flat, Canning Highway in Fremantle

    Our first time back in Fremantle in three years. It's been a particularly rough few months for me, so a few days off, enjoying the sun in my favourite part of Perth was welcome. I don't relax much these days, but it was nice to just have some time out with Darrell and a Dana. Fremantle was our first home in 1995 and it remains a special place for both of us!
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    Can You Truly Leave The Past Behind?

    Australia Friends Colleagues blog
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    Me and John 1993

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    John, Jenny, Saffi and me - Pride 1993

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    Me and John, Portsmouth 2022

    Last night I spoke to my dear friend, John from the UK. John is more like family, and we have been friends for over 30 years. I wish I could say I contact him and other friends often, but I don't. That of course doesn't mean I don't hold them in high regard, because I do, but I do find it difficult talking to people, I know I can't see in person. Living in Australia for over three years has been a challenge for friendships in every respect. I suppose deep down I knew that the important people in my life would be hard to leave behind, especially at my age, but it has been more difficult than I expected.

    Moving to Australia in my early 50s has left me quite empty in many respects and contented in many others. I have always regarded friendships as family, especially when I wasn't particularly close to my own relatives during my 20s and 30s. I grew up on a gay scene, at a time, when many of those close to me, were estranged from their kin folk. For this reason, we became family in all but name. The 1990s was a difficult time to be gay; we didn't have the rights we enjoy today, and discrimination was commonplace. With each of us dealing with our own demons and relying on each other for support, our lives at least became more liveable, rich and mostly free from harm. Safety in numbers was our saving grace.

    A gay scene was a way of life. Everything we did revolved around our respective sexualities — not because we disliked straight people, but because we were there for each other. Protecting those we loved from the negative aspects of life outside our bubble, in a safe, nurturing environment, was important at a time of change. Peoples attitudes and views of the gay community were slowly transforming, but the politics behind this evolution also created a backlash from the more undesirable elements of society.

    ​I have lost count of the number of times I was personally attacked and abused for being gay. It was a fact of life back then, and we all learnt to accept it. Life was hard, but having each other helped us navigate the harsh world we were now a part of. Many of us retreated into ourselves, avoiding the reality outside. We chose to live in an exclusive gay world, on a scene, because it accorded us the acceptance that most of us never received elsewhere.

    Sat here in Australia today, a part of me misses that closeness. Darrell and I are alone, living our life away from the friends we grew up with in the UK and when I speak to people like John, it makes me appreciate the times we spent with him and many others. Every time I speak to people back home, I become sad, regretful and terribly introspective. The less I speak with people like John, the more I am able to block out the way I feel — I suppose silence is my coping mechanism!

    I admit moving to Australia at my time of life has been hard. Australians are not as welcoming as the British, and it is difficult building a new life at such an old age. Of course Darrell and I are lucky to have each other, which is more than a lot of people have, but we are always mindful of those we left behind. When you do get older, less able and full of self-reproach, it is important to have others around you, who take your mind off the challenges we all face as we age. Here, in Western Australia, it is Darrell and me against the World, and we have to live with that.

    Mentally, it can be exhausting without friendships. As an individual I over-scrutinise, dwell and forever think 'what if'? The feeling I have left my history and upbringing behind, is tough. The real person I am is left in the UK, and I am now coping with a new life, without the reminders of the past. It is almost as if, the longer I am here, the more the memories will disappear and that makes it easier to cope with my new reality. 

    Reading between the lines, you can tell I am not the happiest person on the planet right now, and I can't deny that fact. I do crave the reminiscences of more eventful and momentous times in my life, but that is only to be expected when you up sticks and move abroad. I do have many reminders of my past with me, not particularly in tangible form, but through digital photographs, that I frequently look at, recalling happy occasions, that keep me grounded in Australia.

    This is a new chapter in my life and the most difficult yet. I do miss my gay scene life, the friends, and family who are not here, and the contact we all crave. But, I am fully aware of how better off I am, despite the feelings of loneliness, and yes, at times, isolation. Technology today has helped to keep the nostalgia and conversations alive, and for that I am truly grateful. Coming to terms with my new normal, just as I did during COVID, is a challenge I am happy to endure. This is a time for Darrell and I to shine. This is a period to make money, build a future and nest egg, and it is also a chapter in which to reflect, remember, and hold on to memories the made us the couple we are today. 

    ​Life is hard right now, but as I am well aware, nothing lasts forever! 
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    Day 11 - Farewell to an old friend; last day in Singapore!

    30th Anniversary Friends Colleagues Thailand And Singapore 2025 Travel Visits From Friends blog
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    After flying 10000 km from the UK for the briefest of time, Justin was gone. It was lovely to see him, even if it was short, and it made me realise just how much I do miss home. From London, Justin is flying onwards to Spain, two back to back holidays in a two-week period. There would have been a time when I could have done that myself, but these days I would rather not!

    Since leaving the UK in 2015, Justin has visited us in Spain and the far east, and he has always been a tremendous source of support. Don't get me wrong, we have had our ups and downs in life, but we have always been there for each other. I have said this many times before and will say it again, I do have the deepest respect for Justin and for all he has achieved in life. His successful career is a tenotomy to his hard work over the years. Both of us have had periods of inactivity, but we have got through the worst life can throw our way and have become the success we both are today — well him more than me, but who's counting.

    I am of course sad to see him go, but life goes on and we both have our own lives to lead. I'm sure we will all see one another again in some other part of the World, until then we have the memories to take with us on our journey!
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    With Justin safely on his way to London, Darrell and I spent a relaxing last full day in Singapore. We made our way to our favourite part of this great city, China Town, where we browsed around the many stalls and shops, buying yet more stuff to take home with us. We, we do have a 30 kg limit each, so why not fill it. 

    Darrell and I have a lot of collectables from our travels all over the World, sadly most of them now lost, as we moved countries three times over the years. In some respects, I think I collect stuff, because of the items I lost over our 30 years together. The nature of our relationship is such, that we have never stayed in one place too long. Consequently, we haven't been able to establish ourselves in one place long enough, to accumulate the things most people have built up over many generations. Having said that, I am giving it a good go now though. I do love things around me, it does make me feel somewhat secure in my surroundings. Australia is still, even today, unfamiliar to me, so I am doing all I can to settle into my new home; buying items on our travels helps create memories and connections with our recent past — important when you are building a new life! 
    China Town is such a down to earth place and despite not loving Singapore as much as I would have liked, I do adore this area. I am not a pretentious old Queen, who loves designer brands — I like a bargain, something cheap and cheerful that lifts my mood. China Town offers bargains galore in a relaxed setting away from the super rich side of Singaporean life.  Yes there is a lot of money, in this low tax ex British colony, but there is also the normal side of life, with people doing their best to survive in this harsh money making environment.

    Having said that, there is a harder sell culture in this area. With money tight, street vendors do fight for every customer, which does make it very difficult to relax and browse, without being hassled to buy something. I am pretty easy to give in and buy anything, whereas Darrell isn't. He will walk away, I generally won't.
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    After China Town, we made our way towards the city centre, where we stumbled across a huge hawker centre on Cross Street. Now why is it, you always find the best place to eat on your last day. This vast centre is full of different stalls serving a cosmopolitan array of food, from all over the World. The smells as you enter this place are unbelievable and really does play with your senses. This large building is impressive, and I just wish we had found it earlier.

    The prices here are also unbelievably cheap. On our first night, we had a meal on Marina Bay, which cost about S$200 for two of us. It was nothing out of the ordinary, although the food was good, but I mistakenly assumed that this would be the price we would pay throughout our brief stay. However, in this popular hawker centre, we paid S$17.00, yes S$17.00 Singaporean dollars for two of us. Now that is impressive, and the food tasted great as well.

    If we do return to Singapore in the future, this will be a first port of call for us, as we navigate the World's most expensive country. For all my criticisms of Singapore, the hawker centres and China Town make up for the overpriced, designer, pretentious side of this place, which I absolutely hate. 

    Tomorrow we leave for Australia and the end of another interesting few weeks in Asia. As is usual with me, it hasn't turned out in the way I would have hoped. After getting another infection, I have had to adjust my itinerary to cope with my change in circumstances. Nevertheless, I have been delighted to do all I have done and hope to learn from the mistakes I made, returning to this special part of the World in the future!
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    Day 8 - First day in Singapore, wasn't what I expected!

    30th Anniversary Friends Colleagues Thailand And Singapore 2025 Travel Visits From Friends blog
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    Well it wasn't the start to our stay in Singapore I wanted, but after arriving at Chiangi Airport, I was noticeably worried about the wound on my arm, which was showing serious signs of infection. Now look, I have been here before, so know what I have to do. The difference this time, of course, was the nature of the injury. If I had left it alone in the first place, after the fall, it probably wouldn't have got as bad as it did. 

    My overcautious approach was born from previous experience. I have contracted two very serious forms of Staphylococcus on the last two holidays I went on, so the panic that followed my tumble on the boat on the second day of our holiday in Bangkok, was noticeable! I wasn't prepared to go through the IV antibiotics I had in the past, and tried everything to stop any infection before it started. It is likely I did too much, way too much, and should have left well alone.
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    While Darrell made his way to our riverfront hotel, I took a taxi straight to Raffles hospital in the centre of the city. I had a particularly funny conversation with the driver, who accidentally took me to the world-famous Raffles Hotel. He looked confused, when I said 'No Raffles Hospital'! This was a first for him, taking a visitor straight to hospital, but he was good-humoured and deeply apologetic. Only I would end up in hospital on arrival!

    I was in the 24-hour Acute and Critical Care unit for a good few hours, while the wonderful staff poked, prodded, examined and dressed my wound. This plush hospital was first class, and rushed me through as quick as they could. I was prescribed a high dose course of antibiotics, and I was told in no uncertain terms, that I couldn't drink with them at all — that's no more alcohol for me on this holiday then.

    After I was officially declared fit to go, I was directed to the desk to pay the bill. Now I am well aware of how expensive this place is, so I was expecting a few thousand dollars, but to my surprise I was told it was just S$300. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. With my health being top of my list of priorities these days, I would have paid anything to make sure I was well enough to resume my travels, so this was a small price to pay. After being given a fit to fly certificate, I was sent on my way, by some of the friendliest medical staff I have ever come across — and the welcoming nature of Singaporeans didn't end there!

    As I tried to find a taxi for my journey to the Furama Riverfront Hotel, I was approached by the young concierge, who went out of his way to do all he could for me. He explained about the app I should install on my phone, and how it would make getting around Singapore much easier. After arranging a car for me, he then waited with me for fifteen minutes, checking I was OK and chatting about his life in Singapore.

    Like other Singaporeans I have met, he was looking at a future away from his country of birth. The cost of living, house prices and lack of opportunities were big factors in why he wanted to leave. He did feel sad because he loved his home, but he just didn't see a future for himself. He also asked about my life living in Australia, a place he also hoped to travel to one day.

    When the taxi arrived, I promised to pop back and say goodbye before I left, and he thanked me for taking the time to talk to him. Asia is a very friendly part of the World as I can testify, but so far, the locals in this tiny south-east Asian nation have been exceptional. Suitably impressed, I waved goodbye and he did the same. I actually really felt like I had made a connection with someone new. I know he was just doing his job, but I could tell he just wanted to talk and get things off his chest, while I was there to listen. Sometimes, a friendly face is all it takes!
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    The Furama hotel isn't the Aira Hotel, it is in a completely different class. This Singapore hotel is a bog-standard family establishment that is vast. Catering for hundreds of guests, it doesn't offer the luxury we had in Bangkok, but with hotel space here at a premium, we were lucky to get rooms that were big enough to cater for our needs. This is a perfect place for a few days and has all the facilities we require, so despite it being a little shabby in places, it will be fine for our brief stay!
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    At the hotel I finally met Justin after ten years and that was a rather emotional reunion! Justin has proven me wrong on so many levels over the years, and I am so glad to see him doing so well in his career and new home. Our lives fourteen years ago, when we first met, were very different, with partying and living in the moment, at the forefront of our thoughts. Today all our priorities have changed, but it was good to see that Justin remains the life and soul of the party, as he always was!
    We made our way down to Boat Quay in Singapore, where we had a few pints in The Penny Black, a pub I had seen on the internet and a place I had wanted to visit for a long time. This old traditional English style pub, was everything I expected and more. Like all of Singapore, however, it was very expensive, with two beers costing me S30. This wasn't too much of a shock, however, this is probably the most expensive country in the World and certainly a place I couldn't afford to visit too often.

    With Justin feeling worse of wear, and the rain pouring down, Justin made his way back to the hotel, while Darrell and I had a typical Singaporean meal at Tian Tian Fishermans Restaurant on the Quay. The food was delicious, but at a cost of S$200 for the two of us, it wasn't cheap. It was well worth the money nevertheless. Both of us thoroughly enjoyed sitting on the terrace, looking out across the river. With the skyline lit up, it really was a beautiful place to chill, eat, chat and talk about the future.
    We both decided to walk back to the hotel after the rain cleared. I don't think I have ever felt safer walking through a city at night. This was a magical experience and probably the first time Darrell and I have truly relaxed this holiday.

    I am hoping that now, we can finally enjoy our last few days in Asia together, with Justin, and we can pick up our friendship where we last left off ten years ago. It is good to see a friendly face, when you live on the other side of the World, and Justin has visited us more than most. Singapore offers the chance to reconnect in a setting that we could have only dreamed of a decade ago. I hope that we can form the lasting memories that make us the people we are, before we, once again, go our separate ways — until we meet again in another part of the World!
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