Anxiety!

Yesterday was another busy day for me, working two jobs and having to meet a deadline for an article that is due to be published on Friday. I did however manage to find time to have a brief chat with a friend here in Portsmouth; the subject 'anxiety.' This topic also cropped up the day before, whilst talking with someone else I knew on a very similar subject. I was quite taken aback that these two individuals suffered with anxiety at all. On the surface at least they both seem confident and always articulate in the language they use, one would never believe they experience the fear and disquiet this common condition causes.

I have always endured anxiety to differing degrees, for most of my life. Looking back, it is clear my problems started at school, through bullying and harassment. At the time these acts were ignored and consequently left unchecked; as a result I experienced years and years of nervous apprehension and consternation. The reality was I tolerated abuse everyday, because nothing had been done to stop the tirade of mistreatment experienced from an early age. Growing up with a past that haunts one is difficult to shake off and one does tend to carry around the consequences for many years; in some cases a lifetime.

People cope with anxiety and stress in different ways, some more appropriate than others. Most of us who have agonised have our own set of rules when confronted by a distressing situation; I am no exception. Today I have learnt to combat any set of circumstances I find uncomfortable, because I have had to. Since returning to Portsmouth I haven't encountered any undue discomfort, unlike my final few months living in Spain. The key to overcoming what occurred when I lived in Gran Alacant, was removing myself from the situation. In basic terms I walked away and got out of Spain pretty quickly when I realised I was once again being manipulated. Choosing to return home was the best decision I ever made.

For too long I had ignored the warning signs; foreboding feelings, not trusting my own judgement and believing I was overreacting and wrong, when actually I was right, just a few of the recognisable triggers. The instincts I anticipated were accurate, I just preferred to disregard the seriousness of what I was confronting. It is always important to believe that gut feeling inside and act quickly to avoid further pain. Removing oneself or others is an important step in dealing with feelings of anxiety.

I was interested to hear how others coped with their own demons and intrigued at their choice to isolate and separate themselves from society, in order to remove the source of the hindrance. This isn't the way forward; the loneliness one experiences during the aftermath of such a decision can be more damaging that the anxiety itself. Of course hiding away and closing the door will eliminate those responsible for the way we are feeling, but the long term damage caused by excluding oneself, is a side effect that is difficult to cure.

Today I choose to confront my insecurities headlong and throw myself in at the deep end. If I don't like something, someone or a position I find myself in I embrace it, rather than retreat. Returning home has given me new impetus. I work two jobs, write, blog and volunteer and am about to start a healthy living and wellbeing programme, all having the combined effect of making me feel confident, happy, content and most importantly strong enough to cope with whatever life throws my way.  My active lifestyle, willingness to walk away, disregarding the abusers and strength of character and self belief in myself, has all served to wipe away and shrug off the devil on my back.

Everyone copes with anxious feelings differently, my humble advice is to challenge those feelings and attack the causes precipitously, without a second thought. Don't procrastinate, don't hang around accepting yet more of the same, grab the predicament by the neck, metaphorically of course, and shake the pain away!