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Friday was a sad day for me, my family and all those who knew Ray Atrill. At 3.30pm, on a rainy afternoon, Uncle Ray was laid to rest at Portchester Crematorium. I arrived with my Aunt and Cousins at 3pm and already people were gathering to say their goodbyes. Nothing however could prepare me for the number of people who arrived to bid farewell to Ray on his final journey.
Ray was a well known luminary in Fratton, having lived there for most of his life, consequently his network of friends was vast. Sat in the pews of the crematorium, I was struck by the number of people entering the hall; it seemed never ending, as the seats were quickly filled. Guests, stood wherever they could, at the sides and back of the building, quietly showing respect for a man, who touched the lives of many. It was a heartwarming display of admiration and approval for a character who will remain in the hearts and minds of all those who knew him.
Ray was given a send off like no other, surrounded by family and friends. The service was typically humanist in tone and reflected a life lived in the company of others, who shared similar interests. Everyone there on Friday sat attentively listening to the stories of a man who had lived the life he wanted and not what others would have expected. Without malice, hate or bitterness, Ray welcomed everyone into his life and all of us who celebrated his legacy on Friday, were lucky to have known him.
The memories of Ray will resonate around the pub where he and I worked for many years to come and will continue to echo around the streets of Fratton, where he walked on a daily basis. Community was important, pivotal and determining in the life Ray led. He did much for good causes and others who needed a helping hand. He was there when you needed a word of encouragement, advice or just a friendly afternoon chat. Ray was a linchpin for many, an Uncle to innumerable personalities who crossed his path and a Dad to a select lucky few, who warranted the love he shared. Ray was Ray, he wasn't perfect, but he was the backbone of a neighbourhood who looked after its own; Fratton wont be the same without him!
Goodnight sweet man!
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On Thursday of last week, I managed to catch up with a family friend, author, radio presenter and contributor to 'Roaming Brit,' Debra Rufini. I have very little time to myself these days, let alone being able to spend time with those who are important in my life, so with a few spare hours on my hands, I paid Debra a visit at her home in Portsmouth.
Debra and I have much in common. We both share an interest in writing and spiritual enlightenment as well as having experience in matters related to Sociopathy and Narcissism, the reason I had come to see her on Thursday.
We have both spoken openly about some particularly dark times in our respective lives and whilst our stories are different, they are most certainly related in the difficulties we both endured. Debra has used her radio show to highlight issues of anti-social behaviour, by interviewing guests who like us, have encountered characters that have proven to be destructive in nature. Sociopathy, Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the implications that surround it, can be painful subjects to discuss, especially with those who have little or no understanding of the contentions involved. However Debra and I sat and chatted over a bottle of Rioja for a solid three hours, both of us trying to find explanations to problems that we have both witnessed first hand.
Debra wanted my advice on some dilemmas she is trying to solve. Currently she needs support, having many questions to ask, as she tries to understand the circumstances that have brought her to a confusing crossroads in her life; a challenging chapter that needs to be firmly closed, is still lingering in the background. As I discovered during my time working for Oxfam and the sociopathic management structure, reactions and responses of a positive nature, are few and far between when dealing with mistreatment in their ranks. Trying to untangle a mess made by a single individual with anti-social personality disorder is virtually impossible to achieve, but for victims it is an important part of the healing process. That puts people like Debra and myself in a very precarious situation. Do we carry on, trying to find answers or should we just forget the past and move on.
Initially I spent several years trying to enact revenge for what I considered to be criminal activity against me and others. I wanted justice for the victims who worked for Britain's biggest charity, but I soon discovered the pitfalls of continuing my fruitless campaign. Oxfam would never admit to such behaviour, so rather than continuing to waste my time and energy, I waited for the truth to eventually come out, as it did in 2018 and then I gave my version of events and finally I was listened to!
Debra is still searching for the truth and I am doing what I can to help her, whatever it takes to put her mind at rest and allow her to continue with her life, without the need to keep recalling events and situations, that so very nearly destroyed her as an individual. As two friends chatting. we were able to navigate the clues and unravel the elements. that added together pointed towards a very familiar pattern of abuse and bullying. In time Debra will also be able to sleep soundly in bed once more, until then I will be there when I can!
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Hi, I’m Julie Rawlinson, aka Jules to my family and friends; happily married in 2018 to Shaun, and we have two adult children between us.
As trained nurse and midwife with a Masters Degree, I have had a lifetime career in the NHS, both in clinical practice and in the last 10yrs, corporate healthcare leadership and management. I have gained a plethora of experience in my career including caring for people, as the most rewarding part, to leading change in failing services, chairing national forums and undertaking high profile expert investigations. I have also experienced the emotional impact and traumas of coercive and hectoring behaviors by supposed leaders, both to others, and personally. In 2019, disillusioned by my high flying career, I took the decision to retire early and enjoy life , so we moved lock, stock and barrel to the beautiful province of Valencia in Spain. A move we haven’t regretted for one minute!
I now spend my delightfully relaxed life looking after my husband and my house, walking my two Westie doggies, and of course learning Spanish. Bliss! I also love to write, so I spend plenty of time enjoying the culture and beautiful outdoors in Spain; writing inspirational blogs on social media, with the perfect aim being to make people smile and help them reconnect with, and appreciate the good things in life. My life ambition, now I’ve retired, is to travel more, enjoy life and to write a book.
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When I was a boy, I used to carry a handbag or paper bag around with me, with all my 'bits and pieces' in. I remember my Nanny Poppy telling me that she knew I was gay, because I always had a bag in my hand. Of course, that was just my Nan being old fashioned and stereotypical. There was also an element of Nan, trying to accept my homosexuality, by making light of a particular aspect of my personality.
I am not trying to say my baby Cousin is gay, far from it, I am trying to show that this activity is a perfectly normal aspect of growing up. Babies like to explore, in all respects - cupboards, draws and handbags. My little Cousin took me back to my childhood today and it put a smile on my face. It wasn't that long ago, I was playing with Mum or Nanny's handbag, but sadly back then there were no camera phones to take a photo, like there are today.
There are many aspects of my childhood I miss and wish I had more pictures from that time in my life. I did however find this one picture of me, as a child in the 1970s, carrying my trade mark bag. I know what you are thinking? How gay I look, especially the way I am standing......Well maybe! I am sure I was well aware of my sexuality back then, I just didn't really understand what it meant.
It is great watching the younger members of our family grow up. I am particularly fond of Cain who is everything a young toddler should be. When he is my age, I am glad he can also look back at the photographs that document his life. He will have many more pictures to look through, but the sentiment is the same - Remembering those early innocent years, before life takes over and we become the adults we were always destined to be!
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I haven't done any blogging for a while, which is unusual for me. In the past I was very regimented about writing everyday, but as my life has become busier, I haven't had the time to do as much as I would like. On top of time constraints, I have also been unwell, still suffering from a chest infection from when I returned home from Asia, nearly six weeks ago.
I have had several infections since returning to the UK and I believe they have now gone. I was given several courses of antibiotics and have had plenty of rest, so I was hoping to be feeling much better by now, but things haven't quite turned out that way and I am still feeling pretty low, mainly because of a persistent cough that I seemed to have acquired. The coughing was so bad recently, that I started to hack up blood, just a small amount, but enough to get me worried. The reality is, that since I moved back to Portsmouth, I have had a lot of health anxiety, probably built up around my rather dysfunctional life.
Last week I went to see my Doctor, who knows me well enough now and explained my situation to her. As soon as I mentioned the blood, she told me to go to St Mary's Hospital and have a chest X-Ray straight away, which I duly did. The whole process was very quick and the radiographer told me if anything urgent was found, they would contact me within 48 hours. It has been over three days and I haven't heard anything, so am hoping nothing too serious is going on. Like most things in life though, I am feeling very negative and run down right now, so am expecting the worst.
I wasn't always a negative person, far from it. In the past I was always positive and ready for new challenges, but something changed along the way. My life never seemed to turn out the way I wanted it to and Darrell and I always had to pick up the pieces from another failed venture or traumatic experience that we hadn't seen coming. In reality, life has been hard, very hard and no one really understands just what we have had to go through, just to remain together, let alone succeed in life.
My health issues always took a back seat, as we dealt with the carnage that always seemed to follow our tail and it wasn't until I moved in with my Aunt, that I began to try and sort out some underlying problems, that I had left for just too long. I suppose many people would call me a hypochondriac, but actually I am just taking an interest in my own well-being, something I should have done many years ago.
Today I take vitamin pills, blood pressure tablets, statins and walk every single day. I no longer smoke and drink very little, so I have made some big changes, from the life I once led. This ongoing infection is the only thorn in my side at the moment and I am just hoping nothing more consequential is going on; I really just want to start feeling well again and living my life. I should get my results this week and will of course let my readers know what is going on. Feeling positive about ones health is the key to getting back to that happy place, I'm hoping it wont take too much longer!
