I have a feeling, I'm not in a great place at the moment. Generally I am feeling pretty unwell — nothing specific, but just a feeling of constant malaise. I just can't put my finger on what is wrong, but I get like this from time to time. IBS has once again reared its ugly head and overtaken my life.
I have suffered from this bloody condition for years; I have great periods when I am pain free, as well as deeply difficult days. I say days, but these flare-ups can last for months, and they really do knock me for six. It's just a feeling, but I think this is going to be a long one for me. I have already begun the process of eliminating certain foods, looking for suitable medication, and more importantly, trying to deal with this god awful thing once and for all.
Being very bodily aware, I knew something was wrong a little over a week ago. I have been having real problems sleeping, so I bought some Magnesium Glycinate to help. I have never tried this stuff before, but after reading about it, it appeared on paper at least, to be just what I was looking for. Surviving on just a few hours sleep each night, even though I am using Melatonin, has been debilitating. I am still waking up at 3am every morning, unable to get back to sleep. This form of magnesium is highly recommended for an insomniac like me, but it just hasn't agreed with my IBS and I have been left doubled over in pain.
Today I awoke at 2.30am and have been awake ever since. For this reason I wasn't even going to blog today, but I felt I had to, just to get some feelings off my chest. A few days after taking the magnesium supplement, I have feeling terrible. My body literally feels like it is shutting down. I have severe abdominal cramps, pain under my left rib, nausea and terrible backache. I have felt this bad before, but not for a long time. As someone who suffers from health anxiety, I have been googling, trying to find answers, to my current state of health and this has just made me feel so much worse.
From kidney failure, gastritis and pancreatitis, to cancer, I have died multiple times this week, as I try to find out why I am feeling so bad. I am sure deep down this is IBS, but as ever, something is telling me to delve deeper, nothing is quite as it seems.
One of the biggest problems with IBS, is the inability to believe that the pain you are suffering from isn't causing physical damage to your organs. The discomfort is that bad at times, you feel like you are dying. I have had every test going over the years, yet Doctors have found nothing. I am just left with a nondescript, vague diagnosis of IBS and told to get on with my life, no matter how hard that is.
This week I have been tired, fatigued, in tremendous pain, and in a very bad place mentally. IBS isn't psychosomatic as many would believe, it is a real, debilitating, agonising diagnosis that never gives up. Unlike other illnesses, IBS has no cure or end date. There isn't even a test to tell you, you have it. The whole diagnosis is based on a process of elimination. When everything else is ruled out, including the more sinister diseases, you are finally given your IBS label. This is a tag you live with for the rest of your life. You have good days and bad days, but when they are bad, they are the worst — nothing compares to IBS pain, and you never truly learn to live with it.
With this terrible week at an end, I am able to lay here on the sofa, with a water bottle on my belly, writing my thoughts down. The best medicine for me is the ability to share my musings with you. The release I feel as I write is unbelievably healing, and I am just grateful to be able to do it.
If you suffer from IBS, like me, you'll understand my pain, and if you ever need a chat, just drop me a message, I'm always here. Chatting about this condition with people who understand the symptoms, is a lifeline at times of great stress. Nobody, including my husband, really understands just what I am going through and for that reason, my writing has become a catalyst for getting well. My ability to blog is a tonic at times when I need it most — without it, I would feel even more alone than I do today.
IBS encompasses so many disorders and defects, that it becomes an almost impossible problem to solve. Failure is my biggest enemy, so as I battle this dreaded indisposition, I am reminded about the time before I was diagnosed and the happy, carefree World that I used to inhabit. This is the marker I need to push me ever onwards, towards a cure, and the ability to exist comfortably, without pain. This is the goal I am determined to achieve, to finally live stress and pain free, and be happy again like I used to, in a time before IBS!
I have a feeling, I'm not in a great place at the moment. Generally I am feeling pretty unwell — nothing specific, but just a feeling of constant malaise. I just can't put my finger on what is wrong, but I get like this from time to time. IBS has once again reared its ugly head and overtaken my life.
Just one other thing to mention, before you check out the video, and it's about a person I haven't seen in eight years. Dawn, was a fellow expat, and close friend I knew, while living in Gran Alacant, in Spain. She just happened to show up in my store in Midland a week ago — just out of the blue. She was visiting a friend here in Australia and was passing through, before travelling onto Africa.
