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    Christmas Thoughts!

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    Well that's it, Christmas is over for another year and this time I couldn't be happier. I really haven't been in a festive mood this year, but despite feeling down, it was wonderful to receive a small hamper from my friend Ramona back in The UK, full of my British favourites. Ramona and I have been friends for 33 years now, having been to University together back in the early 1990's. We have a lot of history together and know each other inside out.

    I remember having a conversation with her quite a few weeks ago. She was asking me what I missed about Britain, and I told her all the things we can't get here, that I used to be able to get back home. She must have taken note, because a month later I received a box full of goodies. 

    Despite not feeling particularly Christmasy, receiving gifts, cards, emails, and texts from friends back home is as special to me today as it always has been. My lifestyle and financial situation has changed for the better, immeasurably, but, I will always miss my friends back home, especially Ramona!
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    Despite not feeling particularly festive, Darrell and I did spend the day with friend Joy and her friend Sharron at Banksia Tourist Park in Western Australia. Christmas Day was hot, very hot, in fact I read just yesterday that WA was the hottest place on Earth this year, and it definitely felt that way. The temperature reached a steamy 43 degrees at the park, which was certainly a welcome bonus for me, since I absolutely love the hot summer here in Australia. For Darrell and Mum, not so much!

    Joy had ordered some platters from Coles: Cold meat, wraps, fruit, dips, and nibbles. There was no cooking involved, no standing by a hot stove in the searing heat, and no washing up at the end of the day. Christmas is very different down under; there are of course the die hard Brits who live here, who still cook a roast, but in the main, a simple cold meat salad or BBQ is the order of the day.

    I remember cooking a Christmas dinner the second year I was here, and I wowed to never do it again. The heat can be dreadfully debilitating at times and even with the aircon on full blast, the intense Australian summer calls for something a little less elaborate. It was interesting, however, that the West Australian government had enforced a BBQ ban on the day. This often happens when temperatures reach such scorching levels, because of the fire risk, but that didn't put a dampener on our celebrations and the food tasted great!
    It was great relaxing at Joy's home in the tourist park, where she lives. This beautiful place is an over 55 residential park, and the perfect place to relax. Sitting on her veranda, you can see the Australian wildlife directly in front of you — kangaroos, parrots, and yes, the odd spider strolling past. This is the kind of village I could see myself living in, in a few years, and it is so different from the urban sprawl where we live now.

    Of course, I was reminded of Christmas back home in England and just how different it is in Australia. Despite enjoying the day, I do miss spending this time of year in the UK. As a child Christmas was special, and somehow it seems better on a cold, frosty, crisp festive morning. Much of this has to do with childhood memories, which are far more evocative of innocent, carefree times, but it is also about the loss of those no longer here.

    Every year I put up the last Christmas Card Mum and Dad sent me together, before Mum died in 2019, and I often look back over old photos from past family gatherings. I miss spending time with loved ones and friends, and I remain deeply emotional at such a poignant time of year.
    ... Talking of poignancy, I found this amazing cookery book, by Marguerite Patten over Christmas in the most unexpected of places — so what I hear you ask? Well, this is the exact same book My late Mother used to have when I was a child. She taught me to cook and bake using it, and I remember flicking through the pages, looking at all the delicious food on display with her, on a cold rainy afternoon. To be honest, looking at the retro food in its pages today, it doesn't appear to be as appetising as it once was.

    The book isn't my Mothers, of course, but the emotions that came flooding back were immeasurable. Finding this little treasure was the perfect end to Christmas and another example of just how much importance I give to memories of fonder times. This book encapsulates my childhood, the meals Mum cooked, the moments we spent together and of course the special times we spent as a family — a family still very much alive in the memories I share today!
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  • Published on

    Happy Christmas Day!

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    I've been out walking this morning - up at 4am, taking advantage of the cooler mornings. Today the weather forecast is predicting a high of 42 degrees and thankfully for me, I won't be tied to a kitchen. We have been invited to a friends house this Christmas Day and I am looking forward to a few hours of peace and relaxation.

    I would like to wish all of you a very Happy Christmas and New Year. Despite not celebrating as I would have done in previous years, I love seeing all of your social media posts, messages, emails and cards. I hope you get everything you wish for and have a wonderful, safe and peaceful 2026!
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    Can You Truly Leave The Past Behind?

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    Me and John 1993

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    John, Jenny, Saffi and me - Pride 1993

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    Me and John, Portsmouth 2022

    Last night I spoke to my dear friend, John from the UK. John is more like family, and we have been friends for over 30 years. I wish I could say I contact him and other friends often, but I don't. That of course doesn't mean I don't hold them in high regard, because I do, but I do find it difficult talking to people, I know I can't see in person. Living in Australia for over three years has been a challenge for friendships in every respect. I suppose deep down I knew that the important people in my life would be hard to leave behind, especially at my age, but it has been more difficult than I expected.

    Moving to Australia in my early 50s has left me quite empty in many respects and contented in many others. I have always regarded friendships as family, especially when I wasn't particularly close to my own relatives during my 20s and 30s. I grew up on a gay scene, at a time, when many of those close to me, were estranged from their kin folk. For this reason, we became family in all but name. The 1990s was a difficult time to be gay; we didn't have the rights we enjoy today, and discrimination was commonplace. With each of us dealing with our own demons and relying on each other for support, our lives at least became more liveable, rich and mostly free from harm. Safety in numbers was our saving grace.

    A gay scene was a way of life. Everything we did revolved around our respective sexualities — not because we disliked straight people, but because we were there for each other. Protecting those we loved from the negative aspects of life outside our bubble, in a safe, nurturing environment, was important at a time of change. Peoples attitudes and views of the gay community were slowly transforming, but the politics behind this evolution also created a backlash from the more undesirable elements of society.

    ​I have lost count of the number of times I was personally attacked and abused for being gay. It was a fact of life back then, and we all learnt to accept it. Life was hard, but having each other helped us navigate the harsh world we were now a part of. Many of us retreated into ourselves, avoiding the reality outside. We chose to live in an exclusive gay world, on a scene, because it accorded us the acceptance that most of us never received elsewhere.

    Sat here in Australia today, a part of me misses that closeness. Darrell and I are alone, living our life away from the friends we grew up with in the UK and when I speak to people like John, it makes me appreciate the times we spent with him and many others. Every time I speak to people back home, I become sad, regretful and terribly introspective. The less I speak with people like John, the more I am able to block out the way I feel — I suppose silence is my coping mechanism!

    I admit moving to Australia at my time of life has been hard. Australians are not as welcoming as the British, and it is difficult building a new life at such an old age. Of course Darrell and I are lucky to have each other, which is more than a lot of people have, but we are always mindful of those we left behind. When you do get older, less able and full of self-reproach, it is important to have others around you, who take your mind off the challenges we all face as we age. Here, in Western Australia, it is Darrell and me against the World, and we have to live with that.

    Mentally, it can be exhausting without friendships. As an individual I over-scrutinise, dwell and forever think 'what if'? The feeling I have left my history and upbringing behind, is tough. The real person I am is left in the UK, and I am now coping with a new life, without the reminders of the past. It is almost as if, the longer I am here, the more the memories will disappear and that makes it easier to cope with my new reality. 

    Reading between the lines, you can tell I am not the happiest person on the planet right now, and I can't deny that fact. I do crave the reminiscences of more eventful and momentous times in my life, but that is only to be expected when you up sticks and move abroad. I do have many reminders of my past with me, not particularly in tangible form, but through digital photographs, that I frequently look at, recalling happy occasions, that keep me grounded in Australia.

    This is a new chapter in my life and the most difficult yet. I do miss my gay scene life, the friends, and family who are not here, and the contact we all crave. But, I am fully aware of how better off I am, despite the feelings of loneliness, and yes, at times, isolation. Technology today has helped to keep the nostalgia and conversations alive, and for that I am truly grateful. Coming to terms with my new normal, just as I did during COVID, is a challenge I am happy to endure. This is a time for Darrell and I to shine. This is a period to make money, build a future and nest egg, and it is also a chapter in which to reflect, remember, and hold on to memories the made us the couple we are today. 

    ​Life is hard right now, but as I am well aware, nothing lasts forever! 
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    Best and Worst of British!

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    This week I have seen the best and the worst of Britain. Sometimes I really despair of the country of my birth, and some of the people who call themselves so-called patriots. Before I delve into the darker side of Britain, I wanted to mention 'Best of British', a British shop in Joondalup.

    Ever since moving to Perth, I have tried to hold on to the British customs and foods that I hold dear. This can be a difficult task, especially with limited choices in Australian supermarkets. Most of them, including Woolworths, Coles, and IGA, have an international food section, but the offerings vary from store to store. Items I have always bought here in Perth will be on sale one week and not the next. For that reason, I tend to buy in bulk when my favourites are in stock.

    Until about eight months ago, Coles stocked Scottish Oatcakes, then suddenly they were gone. I have eaten these for as long as I can remember, and I can't get enough of them. Could I find these anywhere in Western Australia? Could I hell! After writing to the manufacturers, they informed me of a small independent shop in Joondalup, where I could hopefully buy some. So, with Christmas looming, last Monday, Darrell and I made the half-hour trip to this oasis in Perth city, and I wasn't disappointed.
    ​The Oatcakes were $8.95 a box, which, considering the price in the UK, is rather expensive. However, you are paying for the luxury of having items you can't get anywhere else, and there is no price on a box of oatcakes in my humble opinion. I was just delighted to have found them and include them in my daily diet. To all of you, this must seem rather strange, but unless you have ever lived abroad, you really won't understand how the little things make all the difference! I did, however, draw the line at paying $99 for a tin of Quality Street; despite being tempted - One look from Darrell and I thought better of it!

    Equally, when I lived in Spain, there was a similar local shop selling British consumables. Like 'Best of British' in Joondalup, 'Quick Save' in Gran Alacant also sold a variety of other items celebrating Britain. This, for me, was the highlight of my visit, and I loaded up with various souvenirs that I wouldn't be able to get anywhere else. I suppose the pricing in Australia was comparable to Gran Alacant, although I haven't lived in Spain for a few years now, so I can't be sure. Brexit would have changed this, I have no doubt, but the fact remains that as an Expat, we expect to pay a premium for goods that are not readily available down under. That isn't a problem for me, certainly when wages are substantially higher here than they are back home.
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    Quick Save, Gran Alacant

    Whether you live in Australia or, like many of my friends, live in Gran Alacant, it is important to keep links to home alive. Small local Expat shops not only sell goods to people like me, but they are also the hub of local communities and play a role in all our lives. I have many happy memories of 'Quick Save' in GA, and I'm sure I will also have many more from 'Best of British' in Perth. 

    I will always remain British at heart, wherever I am living in the World, it is a part of every aspect of my being. The words I speak, the accent I have, the way I dress, and the morals I hold dear will not change, despite residing in Australia or indeed Spain. The British are a stubborn lot, and we like to keep our bonds with home strong. Food, for me at least, has emotional relevance - from Oatcakes, a bar of Yorkie, or a box of Milk Tray, there is a connection that can never be broken. Life is better when you have the things you love, so I can only thank the lovely ladies at 'Best of British' for their help and hospitality and look forward to seeing them again soon!
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    With the best bits of the UK out of the way, I just wanted to mention the precarious state of Britain, as I see it right now. Social media is a great place to understand just what is happening in the UK, and it is full of unhappy people demanding that the  British PM Sir Keir Starmer, resigns. Not living in Britain, I am not sure just how bad things are and if Starmer is a bad Prime Minister or not, but judging by the dreadful comments I have seen, he isn't popular and has the lowest approval rating of any PM in history.

    Speaking as an Expat, with limited access to news from home, relying on Sky and GB News for my daily dose of political debate, I can only recall what I see and hear. The Labour Government appears to be shambolic and chaotic, changing their minds frequently and in part targeting people who can ill afford to pay for the Tory mistakes of the past. Of course, they are constrained by the promises they made to the British electorate before the general election, but they seem tone deaf. Unwilling to listen to voices of discontent, they are stumbling from crisis to crisis, making up policy as they go along, and most importantly, facilitating the rise of the far right and Reform.

    The only British news channel I can get on my Aussie smart TV, is GB News. Yes, I've mentioned it before, and I know what you'll say, but I actually enjoy watching it. However, I am under no illusions as to its affiliations and understand the close links it has with Nigel Farage and the Reform Party. For that reason, I am aware of how popular Reform has become, and that shocks me. I may well watch GB News, but I am not far right and detest Reform as a party. It is truly scary to think that Nigel Farage could be the next Prime Minister and all that that entails for the future of my home country.

    Farage and Co. lied during the Brexit Referendum, and he continues to lie today. His beliefs are far right, and all of you should be aware of the consequences of your actions. If you vote for this party, you are voting for your own demise and the end of British values as we know them. There is no place for the politics of division in any country, and Britain appears to be more divided than most.

    Nigel Farage stokes up hate; you can see it on the news every day. On the surface, he comes across as your friend, but in reality, he is not. Unless you are rich and of his ilk, you will suffer under any Government led by him. You will lose your precious NHS and end up paying for treatment like me. Farage preys on ignorance and stupidity - by smoking a cigarette and drinking a pint in a pub, you think he is like you! HE IS NOT, and you will rue the day you vote for him.

    Britain does feel dark, falling apart, ridden with crime and anger. Immigration is out of control, and people are poorer. The cost of living is high, unemployment is rising, and taxes are likely to rise even higher, as the chancellor looks for money to fill the legendary black hole - I am aware of all these things and many more! Farage will not solve these problems; he will add to them. Brexit and the lies he told are responsible for the state of the UK today, not Starmer. The Tories' disastrous time in office has made Britain poorer, the rich richer, and people like you and me looking for alternatives. I still vote in the UK and I have no idea who to lend my vote to next time, but one thing is for certain, it will not be to Reform, their fascist agenda and the politics of hate - the World has seen enough of that!
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