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Yesterday Darrell, my Aunty Trisha and I went to visit Mum in Hospital. She has been there for quite a few weeks now and is currently recovering from an operation to remove part of her right leg, a week or so ago. Up to now her stay at The Queen Alexander Hospital in Portsmouth has been the usual mix of conjecture, frustration and indignation. As a family we have come to expect this scenario and do all we can to make sure Mum gets the best treatment she can.
On arrival from Southampton General Hospital, after her amputation, she waited two hours for a bed to be allocated; the ward she was due to go on, no longer had any space available. temporarily she was put on a dementia ward and her recovery and rehabilitation suffered as a result. Mothers state of mind became muddled and confused, slowly she began to deteriorate.
When we arrived to visit Mum, we were immediately told we couldn't see her as there were strict visiting times. After a brief conversation, it was agreed we could go in; Mum was in a private room, so there was no grounds to prevent people from sitting with her in the first place. Archaic policies preventing loved ones seeing their families, are outdated practices that have no place in a modern hospital. This angers me; hospital administrators need to buck their ideas up and move with the times, not implement rules that have no meaning or justification. Other hospital wards allow visitors at any time, why this particular one doesn't is rather beyond my understanding; perhaps one of my readers could enlighten me as to the reasons why!
As soon as we saw Mum, we were all shocked at her disposition; had we not been allowed in we would have not known just how bad she was. Mum was being sick, her gown and sheets were soiled and and she seemed bewildered, dazed and upset. Mother was clearly in a distressed state, yet no one had done anything to help. This is an appalling way to treat people in the 21st century.
After sitting down and talking we realised she was in a terrible condition mentally, saying she didn't want to 'be here,' anymore and we would be better off without her. She hadn't eaten or had fluids and couldn't keep anything down, including her medication that she still had sitting in her hand, unable to swallow the pills. A nurse came into the room, where she took Mum's blood sugar levels, which were out of control at 27.9; at this rate Mum could quickly go into a coma.
I was finally able to give my Mother the medication she needed and did my best to wipe her face and hands, just to make her feel a little better. Her spectacles were covered in grime and dust and I cleaned them completely also, so she was able to see properly again. My Aunty, who is also a Nurse then started to ask questions, we all needed answers and the nurse promised to get a Doctor to talk to us as soon as she could. In the mean time we did our best to lift Mum's spirits.
It wasn't too long before a consultant arrived and finally somebody took notice of Mum's predicament. She was promptly put on a drip and within half an hour of our arrival, taken for a CT scan, all the things that should have happened before we vocally voiced our opinions, shouting loud enough. If we hadn't, Mum could well be in the same position today. I find it inconceivable, that a woman of my Mothers age and infirmity is left to suffer in the way she has, what a terrible state of affairs. As my Father said, 'she would have been better staying at Hospital in Southampton, where the standards of care are far superior to those in Portsmouth.'
It is beyond comprehension that patients are left to lay in their own vomit, given medication they can not take and not given the care they need. My Mother was covered in ulcers; she was essentially left in a bed, in the same posture, unable to move and most importantly not monitored. As someone spending long periods in bed, her position should have been changed regularly, every two hours; it wasn't! This resulted in open bed sores, painful and bleeding, unlike any my Father had ever seen; extremely dangerous given her condition. The long term effects of these open woulds, left unchecked, could have resulted in Mum's death, as any infection entered the bone.
Finally I looked around the room she was in, I was struck by the pills I found on the floor, pills she should have taken and clearly hadn't. As human beings, we treat animals better than we treat our own and that is a shameful. We were lucky, my Aunty spoke up and made sure Mum got what she needed, for anyone else the outcome may have been very different. The Health Service may well be a much loved institution, but there is no point having a national treasure if it isn't functioning as it should. Something needs to change, so patients no longer suffer the indignities of illness without the supervision and support they need to heal successfully. I will most certainly be putting in a formal complaint, as anyone should, left in similar circumstances!
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Celebrating a milestone, surrounded by family and friends; a special day to remember when everyone is gone. There are no guarantees we will be here forever, but will always look back, as if we are; photographs that tell a story, shared eagerly, from afar!
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Smiling faces, laughing, successful and faultless; my life is far better than yours, how envious you must be!
The truth is somewhat different, hiding behind a mask; disguising the reality of all our lives, reading between the lines!
A photo may well tell a thousand words, fictional or false; only we have the power to keep it real; avoid regrets, circumvent remorse!
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We've had a few days of celebration at my Aunts house in Portsmouth this week. On Saturday Darrell and I celebrated our 23rd Anniversary, a milestone in anyone's book, especially in this day and age.
We are lucky enough to be in the same country this year, before Darrell leaves for Australia next Wednesday. Events were kept rather low key, with our long term friend Chris arriving to spend a few days with us. The days of massive parties are well and truly over; spending quality time with friends and family is most certainly the way forward for us at least. I spent the entire day working at the supermarket and the Newcome Arms on a busy day, so Darrell and Chris met me there later in the evening, sharing a beer or two and meeting those who work and use this traditional Portsmouth pub!
Yesterday my little Cousin Cain celebrated his 1st Birthday; on the same evening my Aunty Trisha threw a party for her 59th Birthday, inviting family and friends over for a packed evening of music, chat, dancing and food. This was the first time Darrell was able to meet everyone I have grown close to; he seemed to enjoy time spent talking with everyone who came and used the party as a platform to make his final farewells, before he leaves next week.
I want to end this entry today by saying a word or two about family. When I look back three years ago, when I started blogging, I had no contact with family at all. My relationship with those closest had broken down for a number of reasons and I was very much making my own way in life, with my partner Darrell. We both believed we would not have any communication with my parents again and lived in relative solitude, at least where our kinfolk were concerned.
Of course as we know now, events in our life transpired to change our whole outlook on the World, including our relationship with parents and others in our extended network. Time abroad living in Spain taught me much about relationships. I was drawn back to my parents because of adverse times and illness, finally realising just how important they were.
When Darrell and I took the decision to move abroad, we mistakenly believed running away from our rather war torn and battered life was the only option, finally forgetting the difficulties of the past. As we both know now, this was not an answer, this was just a sticking plaster masking deeper problems, that would likely resurface in the future. Spain did at least offer us both the opportunity to think and reflect about our chosen path and I rapidly came to the conclusion that Britain was my home and I wanted to be back there, with the people that mattered.
I have always been close to my Aunty Trisha, even when we had little or no contact; we are very similar people, made from the same mould. She was a wild child, who found it difficult to conform to 'normal' life, just as I have, preferring to spend my time, enjoying life to the max. Trisha was the first person I asked for help when I realised I had to get out of Spain and she was happy to do what she could, offering me a place to live, while Darrell and I dealt with issues of family, illness and confronting the bullies in our midst. Without my Aunts help and support my life would probably be in a far worse state than it is currently.
As I rebuild my life here in the UK living with family, while Darrell embarks on his own personal journey to care for his ailing Mother, I am content staying with the one member of my family who really understands me. My life hasn't been a bed of roses, with everything handed to me on a plate; I have had to graft for what little I have left, just like my wayward Aunt. This is what makes us close, this is what makes us understand each other and this is what pushes us forward in life.
Whatever has happened in your life, however bad it was, don't push away the very people who can and will help you. Without close family bonds, we loose the ability to connect with our past, present and future, in a way that reflects our true self. Families are important because they offer an insight into our forebears that would otherwise exist without meaning; a life without meaning, is no life at all!
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What a busy few days I have had. In between working a ridiculous amount of hours in three jobs, I have at least managed to fit in some 'me' time, spent with family and friends. Cousin Emmy came over on Wednesday afternoon with baby Thomas; luckily I just managed to catch her after getting home from a long shift at the supermarket and before I started work at the Newcome arms. Seeing Emmy is always a pleasure and Thomas is the icing on the cake.Thomas continues to grow and is looking fit, strong and healthy, as is Emmy of course; you wouldn't even know she was pregnant a few weeks ago. Cradling Thomas is becoming a little easier each time, although I am still a uncomfortable holding such a young child; my experiences of 'baby holding' is not a vocation that will win me any prizes anytime soon. Still he was rather relaxed in my arms and actually didn't cry, so I must have done something right!
In the evening I had to work a shift at the pub; Wednesday is truly a busy day for me. After spending a few hours with family, it wasn't something I was looking forward to. Already tired from my morning job, I really could have done with a few hours sleep before serving behind the bar, but needs must and no one else was going to do it for me. It's amazing how quickly the human body can adjust itself into a alien routine if it has to. No sooner had I left the house, I was psyched up and raring to go again. I have been called a workaholic in recent times, a title I am happy to accept; nothing is for free in this World and I have spent far too long sat on my laurels!
Darrell came into the bar at 9pm to meet Garry, who I had arranged a catch up with before Darrell leaves for Australia; I left them to chat and reminisce about times gone by, while I served customers. I am not sure if Darrell will get the chance to see anyone again once he leaves, so I am doing my best to organise a few get togethers before the 3 October. By all accounts they both enjoyed the encounter, after having not seen each other for so long; at least I can cross this audience off my bucket list!
Despite trying to have a lie in this morning, I was awake by 6.30 am once again. With a baby in the house, my body clock awakes when Cain gets up, even when he isn't here, so there was no point in staying in bed and I was up by 8am on my day off.
I was due to visit Mother today but have delayed that until next week. She has been moved to ward E3 at Queen Alexandra Hospital in Portsmouth, from Southampton General. Dad thought it would be an easier location to get too.Even though QA is closer for family to navigate, it seems she has been moved to a unit that caters for mainly dementia patients, something Mum doesn't have and visiting hours are restricted for security reasons. As a rule I am only able to visit Mum in the mornings and not from 2pm as they demand on this ward. Dad is incensed that Mother has been put in such an area, believing she should be in a more appropriate department for someone in her condition; I can't help agreeing with him. The only reason she has been put here is because there were no beds available anywhere else in the complex, a terrible indictment on today's National Health Service! I have now delayed visiting Mum until I can make arrangements to do so. My work load should be a bit lighter next week, hopefully allowing me to rearrange a few appointments; fingers crossed anyway!
With time on my hands I popped into Portsmouth City with Darrell to carry out a few errands I had been putting off. We both managed some quality time together at least, a rare thing these days. After buying my Aunts Birthday present for Sunday, we grabbed a spot of light lunch at Jenny's Cafe in Charlotte Street; the first time I have been there and it wont be the last; the food was delicious!
....and finally! Duchess is growing at a rate of knots at the moment, eating everything she can get her paws on. She has a fantastic personality and is the life and soul of the household. I have never had a cat quite like her and it is wonderful to see her flourish, leaving her mark on everyone. Duchess has become an integral part of the family; without her all our lives would be that much poorer!
I have a busy weekend ahead, what with work and my Aunts 59th Birthday. My life in the UK has suddenly become extremely busy and I am relishing the new opportunities ahead. As Darrell makes his final plans to leave the United Kingdom, probably for the last time, we are both happy that my time here is secure in the short term. Whether or not he returns is a matter for both of us, but until then I will just keep working hard and striving for a better future, as all of us need to do!
