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    Croatia 2022

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    It has been a very challenging week and if there was ever a time I needed a holiday, it's now. Everything is getting on top of me and I have literally had enough. If it wasn't for Darrell, friends and colleagues, I really don't know how I would cope at the moment. I am spending as much time as I can working and keeping busy, that way I can take my mind off what is going on around me. I understand my situation isn't ideal, so booking a trip away, after four years of no travelling, has allowed me to focus on a short term goal. In September, Darrell and I are heading to Croatia, to stay with family along the Dalmatian coast, and I can't wait. I need this holiday more than you could possibly imagine.

    Darrell and I have been to Croatia many times before, staying with our Croatian Cousins, and have always been welcomed with open arms. In 2012, the last time we saw them together, they stayed with us, at our home in Southampton. My husband's ancestry began in Eastern Europe, and he still has family living and working along the Dalmatian coast, between Split and Dubrovnik. His Grandmother grew up in the beautiful fishing village of Podgora, a place we have visited on numerous occasions. This is a part of the World we both feel relaxed and at home in, and I would personally love to live there one day. Of course, that is far in the future; for now we are happy to just enjoy our time in the company of a family who have become closer than my own. 

    We haven't made any definite plans for our stay on the Makarska Riviera, just a short drive from Podgora. I would be happy to just sit and chill for ten days. However, this popular tourist destination, where Darrell's cousins currently live, is also a port, with ferries leaving for the many islands that occupy the waters around Croatia as well as the historic city of Dubrovnik. For twenty pounds, we could take the three-hour journey to this Croatian jewel, or simply explore the waters around the bay. Whatever we do, it will just be nice to be away from the UK. 

    The last few years have been awful to live through. The last time Darrell and I took to the skies was nearly four years ago during our trip to Asia, and if I am honest, it has been driving me mad. My mental health and wellbeing has suffered terribly and whether we are living through a pandemic or not, I just need to get back to a semblance of normality. Putting my life on hold, for such a long period, has had consequences we are still suffering from now. Our life together has always been based on travelling, after all we both come from opposite sides of the World, and whilst I was happy to comply with the draconian restrictions in the past, I'm not now. I have had three vaccinations and caught Coronavirus twice, there isn't much more I can do to protect myself from this disease. If I don't have antibodies now, when the hell will I? 

    There is so much travel chaos to contend with at the moment, with flights still not back to normal after the pandemic, but I am hopeful we will get away in September. It is concerning seeing the number of flights being cancelled from British airports daily, but with our trip planned after the school holidays, I just hope we will get away as planned.

    My concerns don't stop there, especially with COVID once again on the rise in the UK. I am trying to be as safe and careful as I can, but as I discovered, if you are going to catch this dreaded virus, you are going to and usually when you least expect it. I was so meticulous at following rules and wearing a mask in the past, that I believed I would be safe, nevertheless, even I caught it. Although I didn't suffer terribly like some, I still had a nasty infection. I strongly believe that today, I just have to continue living normally and put COVID to the back of my mind. All of us have to learn to live with it and yes, we will get it, but it shouldn't overtake our lives. Thankfully, Croatia no longer has any restrictions in place for travellers entering the country, and we are more likely to suffer from Brexit red tape, than from Coronavirus rules. 

    I am counting the days until I can set foot on foreign soil again. Croatia is an amazing country to explore, full of history and breathtaking scenery. Spending time with family, is also the icing on the cake, and it will give Darrell and I quality time together, away from the drudgery of life here in Portsmouth. Sampling the local cuisine and fragrant wine, whilst sitting along sun-kissed beaches, is of course a bonus and an experience I am once again anticipating. I finally have something to look forward to, I can finally live life again.
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    Portsmouth Pride 2022


    Portsmouth Pride 2022
    On Saturday Darrell and I headed down to Southsea seafront; we had nothing planned, just a long walk, something to eat and a little chill time. After an early lunch at The Jolly Sailor opposite Southsea Common, we enjoyed an impromptu day at the 2022 Portsmouth Pride festival. The common was full of people, of every gender, enjoying the celebrations. The flags were flying in the strong winds that always blow across this open public space, along the sea front. After a brief look around, we headed back into town, expecting a quiet night in front of the TV.

    We stopped at a local pub on the way home and chatted over a beer, when we were contacted by an old friend, who had seen our post on facebook, wondering where we were. After a bit of hesitation, we agreed to jump in a taxi and meet SJ at the Lord Palmerston in Southsea. I mean, how could we not; she was a dear, close friend, and we hadn't seen her in seven years.

    It was a pleasant surprise to meet up with SJ and Darren, who was with her, after such a long time. It is odd, that after six years apart, you really do pick up where you left off and speaking with her, it felt like it always had. She hasn't changed much and is still exactly the same as she ever was. Catching up with friends is important, especially those who played a big part in my life. SJ was there through some rough times and was also around on our final day in the UK. She has also remained a friend throughout our ongoing adventures in Spain and now in the UK. It was extremely uplifting to see her, especially after the torrid time we have had during the last few years.

    The last time I attended Pride celebrations, was in London, in 1996, 26 years ago. To be honest, I have never really been someone to indulge in affirming my sexuality. I am a gay man first and foremost, but it doesn't play a big part in my life. When I was younger I enjoyed celebrating my homosexuality, but as I have grown older I really don't see the need and am very comfortable with who I am. Nevertheless, I had a fantastic day, surrounded by friends, old and new and enjoyed being a part of a celebration, that still remains an integral, cohesive part of the gay community, of which I am a part. Diversity should be celebrated, cherished and respected in all its forms, and Pride teaches us the importance of love, in a World so divided and polarised with hate!

    Dinner Date With The Girls
    After an amazing day out at the Pride festival and a terrible day at work suffering with a hangover, a pre-arranged dinner with the girls from work, wasn't top of my list of priorities. I was really in need of an early night, after only having two hours the night before. Darrell's lack of alcohol tolerance, had kept him and consequently I awake into the early hours, throwing up every half hour or so. By the time I finally staggered out of bed, greeted by a blocked up sink of sick, I was about ready to drop. Feeling exhausted, I managed a short, but busy shift, before a thankfully calming evening and a carvery with colleagues.

    I've had nights out with the crew before and always had a great time. I have never really been fond of Portsmouth as a place to live, but people like these make it far more tolerable. The bog-standard food at Toby Carvery was really secondary to the opportunity to relax, unwind and be in the company of friends. We did what we always do, had a laugh, great conversation and plenty of laughs. As all of us at work approach the busy summer season, it was nice to have a short break before the hard slog starts. It was a perfect end to a fun filled weekend and the beginning of a long few weeks before my holiday in July.  Neither Darrell nor me let our hair down that often, but when we do, it's a reminder that we are still alive and ticking, living our life together surrounded by the people we love…. That is all that matters, that's all we can ask for!
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    A Wonderful Weekend in Homage to The Queen!

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    If I'm honest, I'm quite partial to a good old Jubilee, stretching all the way back to 1977 and our present Queen's Silver Jubilee. I have always tried to take part, as you would expect from a Royalist. The photo below is of me, dressed as The Queen during her Diamond celebrations, ten years ago. That was the year I went all out  for Her Majesty and arranged a fancy dress party for friends and family. This year was very different; at fifty-one years old, there was no partying into the wee hours, but I did do my best to enjoy the four-day Bank Holiday weekend. It was an occasion to remember, that stirred emotions inside me and made me realise, our dear Queen will not be around forever and all of us should expect to see less of her during the next few years.
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    Newcome Arms
    For the most part, I was working over the Jubilee. I had taken time off from my supermarket job, to join in the party at The Newcome Arms, working behind the bar for a few shifts. It was amazing to be part of the wonderful atmosphere, back in a pub I love, surrounded by patrons and colleagues I haven't seen in a while.

    It was an extremely busy night on Friday, and I didn't stop all evening. That's the kind of shift I love; it was great to see so many happy faces toasting our Queen. The Newcome had pulled out all the stops over the bank holiday and had arranged live music, disco's, talent competitions and a children's party on the Sunday. It was impressive to see just how much effort this little pub in the heart of Fratton had made, to ensure everyone had a good time, including me!

    It is unlikely we will ever see a Platinum Jubilee again, at least in the near future. I was therefore extremely mindful of the great historic significance, this four day holiday had for all British people. The Queen is beloved by all of us who live on these islands, and the celebrations across the country demonstrated that. Walking home from the Newcome in the early hours of Saturday morning, you could still hear parties continuing throughout the neighbourhood. It was heartening that everyone was respectful and there were no drunken shenanigans, as one might expect after a few days drinking. The regulars at the pub were a joy to be around, and I thoroughly enjoyed being back behind the bar, even for a short time!
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    I did a brief few hours behind the bar on Saturday also, giving other members of staff a short break, before the disco in the evening. Dipping in and out of the pub at will, rather than having rigid shifts, has suited me and has fitted in well with my current commitments. I do love bar work and the social interaction that goes along with it, and I'm sure it will remain at least a small part of my life for a while to come yet!
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    Like twelve million others, after work on Saturday, I sat down to watch the Platinum Party at the Palace. There have been other concerts in front of Buckingham Palace in the past, but this one was special, unlike anything I had ever seen before. The organisation, special effects, light show and projection of Her Majesty's life onto the palace itself was truly magical and out of this World.

    I really didn't know many of the newer acts and, in truth, didn't particularly enjoy them. I am not one for rap and other modern styles of music, but thoroughly enjoyed most of the show, especially our Eurovision Star, Sam Ryder and of course Diana Ross. As a nation, we really do know how to put on an amazing performance, especially during important milestones. I understand peoples concerns about the money spent, especially during the cost of living crisis, but you have to remember why we were celebrating in the first place. Queen Elizabeth's seventy years as Monarch and head of state is something we should all be proud of. The majority of the British people support her and after the dark days of the pandemic, it was a necessary distraction. All of us were able to focus on a woman, who has given her life in the service of this country.
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    Like everyone else, I was taken aback with the opening sketch of The Queen and Paddington Bear together at the palace. Our Monarch may well be 96 years old, but this short video showed her great sense of fun and humour and left a lasting impression on all of us who saw it. It was of course uniquely British and showed The Queen enjoying her old age, in a way we haven't seen before. Finally, Her Majesty is doing what makes her happy, attending events that are significant for her and continuing to play an important role in the history of this country. This was the Grandmother of the nation at her finest!
    Lunch Date at The Ship & Castle
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    On Sunday, Darrell and I took the opportunity to meet up with my old University friend Ramona. I rarely have Sunday's off, so I headed to my go-to place of choice, The Ship, and Castle at The Hard in Southsea. This place does the best carvery, perfect for a Sunday lunch. As usual, we all had a lot to catch up on, having not seen one another for a while, and it was nice chatting over a few pints and good food.

    Ramona is really my last true friend from my early years living in Southampton, thirty years ago. No matter how different our lives have been, we have always managed to stay in touch in one way or another. Like us, life hasn't treated her in the best way possible, so we do have a lot in common. I made a conscious decision to offload a lot of people from my life a few years ago now. Today I prefer to hang out with friends like Ramona, my best buddy and someone who probably knows me better than I know myself!

    After a lovely afternoon and a spot of window shopping at Gunwharf, since I can never afford anything there, it was home to catch up on the Jubilee pageant. Watching that final clip of our Queen stood on the balcony, dressed in emerald green, she did look rather frail. I couldn't help thinking how much longer we will have with this lady as our Head of State. Not the nicest thought at that moment, but all of us have to accept that Her Majesty is now winding down after seventy years on the throne.

    In the same way I celebrated with friends this Jubilee weekend, taking the opportunity to see people I haven't seen in a while, it was also great to see The Queen doing the same at such an important milestone. These last few days have been momentous for many reasons, but they have also allowed people like me, the time to spend with people I hold dear. I hope we will continue to remember this day for many years to come, it is after all a historic event, unlike any other that's gone before!
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    Elizabeth R – The World's Last Great Monarch!

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    I am often asked why I support Her Majesty The Queen? What is it about this lady that makes her so special? What impact has she had and continues to have on the World around us? Quite simply, she is the best public servant we have ever had. At twenty-one years old, she pledged her life to the country she serves and to the people who call her Head of State. Her dedication and commitment to the role she was born to inherit, has been heartening to observe from afar. As individuals, we have so much to learn from a woman, who has been the constant in all our lives!

    My respect for the institution of Monarchy, of which The Queen is head, goes back to my childhood, the Silver Jubilee in 1977 and the street party I attended in her honour. It was of course a joyous occasion for a six-year-old child, singing, waving flags and partying on cordial and sausage rolls, but it was much more than that. I can remember looking at her picture on the mug we were all given on Jubilee day and thinking, who is this person, and what exactly does she mean to me?

    My love affair with The Queen began on that day; every time I saw her on the television, I would pause and watch her quiet dignity, as she went about her work, promoting the country she served. Sometimes on the rare occasions she spoke, at times of national significance or on Christmas Day, I would listen intently, as her words of wisdom echoed throughout the room. Her Majesty, has been with me throughout my entire life, a part of the fabric of society, an enduring emblem of fortitude, tenacity and perseverance, even in the face of adversity.

    Through every milestone, The Queen has been there; the last Head of State to have served during the Second World War, she continues to discharge her duty to the nation. Over seventy momentous years of change, her composed, unassuming, steadfast loyalty has shone through, even during the darkest events in modern history. This is a woman who has been the guiding hand for all of us, as we weave our way through life, pausing briefly to acknowledge her presence on state occasions and dutifully pledging our support when required to do so. Her Majesty remains serenely in the background, a part of who we are, a  mark of Britishness, admired throughout the World.

    In recent times, during the pandemic, The Queen became the pivotal linchpin, as all of us tried to weather the storm clouds gathering around us. Her speech to the nation became the mantra, expressing positivity, that all of us, friends, families, and neighbours, would one day meet again during better times. When her Husband, The Duke of Edinburgh died in 2021, her unfaltering sense of right and wrong, as she sat alone, mourning the death of her strength and stay, was on display for the World to see. As Governments were rocked by lies and scandal, she remained above the fray, always following the rules, never deviating for personal gain.

    Elizabeth II is the last great Monarch, echoes of a bygone age. In 2022, the World has changed out of all recognition during her seventy-year reign, and we are unlikely to ever see someone of her character again. In this age of turmoil, upheaval  and uncertainty, The Queen remains unwavering in her commitment to the people she serves. We are extremely lucky to have her as Head of State  and a symbol of freedom in this blood stained World. This platinum Jubilee serves as a reminder of the dedication and lifelong service, of a Monarch who should never have been. As we continue to celebrate over this long holiday weekend, pause for thought at the reason we raise a toast to The Queen; Grandmother of the nation! We are thankful for her service, longevity, and dependability; we are proud and inspired by a reign unmatched!
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    If the alarm bell starts ringing in my head, then I use that as a sign to move on!

    Today, I finally have some time to myself, something I just do not have as a rule. Life has become rather busy for me in every aspect; I am spending more time at work and trying to keep myself busy, every day. Since returning from Spain, I have made a conscious effort to work hard and at the moment, I have a need to do far more than I otherwise would. I have a number of projects I need to save for, as Darrell and I look towards a future based in Europe; this remains our overriding priority. At this moment in time, I am happy to be concentrating on me and Darrell and even though it may seem selfish, I do not care what people think. We have both gone through life caring too much about others and what they may or may not feel, and it has got us nowhere. This is a time for us and succeeding where we have too often failed in the past.

    As a person, I am approachable, welcoming, and open; I enjoy spending time with friends and family and want to help where I can. Both Darrell and I have been taken advantage of in the past and every time we have fallen for manipulative, dishonest, dubious characters, again and again. This has always been our Achilles heel and in recent times I have done everything I can to avoid similar situations and most importantly, toxic people.

    I could write a book about toxic people, they have played a prominent role in my life, from early adulthood onwards. It is only now, I can claim to finally be a good judge of character. I can spot a bad person a mile off and will always run for the hills in the metaphoric sense. The old me would do everything to help change someone for the better, give them a leg up, roof over their head or a few quid in their pocket if they needed it. The new me is completely different; sadly, I will not get involved in other people's lives and will generally do my best to walk away, when I should probably help. I have been bitten so many times in the past, that I have the scars to prove it; the memories reinforce my current way of thinking, that I can not, and will not, do anything that will affect me or Darrell negatively.

    Despite past efforts, I have nearly always been left feeling empty, abused and mistreated. There has not been one occasion where I have been appreciated for helping someone, every single time has left me depressed and down. My own mental health has suffered terribly over the years, not because of me, but because other people have quite simply taken advantage of my good nature. Darrell has always said, 'they see me coming,' and I need to harden up and not give so much to people who don't deserve it. I would of course politely listen, take on board what he was saying, and then promptly do the complete opposite. Today I am very different and if I am honest have learnt the hard way. It isn't until you have reached the bottom that you can really see where you went wrong, and after nearly fifty years, I can finally see the chaff from the wheat.

    Today, I don't suffer fools gladly and will often walk away from people at the first sign of trouble. If the alarm bell starts ringing in my head, then I use that as a sign to move on. How many chances should we actually give someone, before finally giving up? Well now, I give no chances, all part of a learning process that has left me feeling pessimistic and downbeat, but sanguine for the future. The fact that I have learnt to deal with the worst society throws my way, leaves me hopeful, that I won't slip up and dramatically fail as I have done in the past. I may well feel melancholy at the moment, but I am aware I won't always feel that way.

    From politicians getting away with lies and falsehoods, to a manipulative, abusive antagonist, hurting anyone who doesn't agree with their views and a Mother screaming at her child in the street, I have had it all this week. I have been left feeling emotionally exhausted and can't for the life of me, fathom why people have to be so cruel.

    There isn't much I can do about the wider World, mad President Putin in Russia, Boris Johnson getting away with yet another lie or the horrifying prospect of President Trump in the Whitehouse yet again. However, I can stop the rot on my doorstep and remove the most destructive influences in my own life. It is difficult to describe my thoughts and emotions to someone who doesn't understand or indeed care, but writing this entry today, has at least allowed me to offload the anxiety I currently feel. There is so much turmoil in the World at the moment, that my own personal demons  and the friction I witness on a daily basis almost pales into significance. The fact it remains a constant source of pain, shows the impact it has on me and the people around me. Despite trying to block out the apprehension I feel, it just doesn't go away and when you experience the week from hell, you just need to lock yourself away.

    The cathartic nature of blogging is the key to my sanity and the reason I continue to write. Without publicly acknowledging how I feel, I wouldn't be able to understand the warning signs, I missed in the past. Reading back over the events of the last seven years, since I started this blog, I have finally been able to move forward. Discarding the mistakes of the past and understanding the nature of individuals, my writing quite simply remains as a warning to do better in the future!
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    Royal Navy Day Jubilee Celebrations – HMS Excellence, Portsmouth!

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    HMS Excellence
    It has been twelve days since I last sat down and wrote a blog entry, which is highly unusual for me. The truth is I have been busy, really busy, and haven't had a lot of time for myself, so finding even an hour to blog, has been a real challenge. Like most people at the moment, I have been feeling the pinch in the cost of living, so any overtime I can get, the better. I have a lot of things to save for, especially as I want to go on holiday in September. I am looking at Crete currently, but also one of the beautiful lakes in Italy; wherever I go with Darrell, I want it to be relaxing, so we can both take some time out and chill together, after the turmoil of the last few years!

    Despite my busy schedule, I did manage to find some time to spend with family this Saturday. Celebrating The Queen's Platinum Jubilee, the Royal Navy had organised an amazing day for the families of those serving in the military or working at HMS Excellence on Whale Island. Along with my Aunt, Cousins and friend Pat, I tagged along and enjoyed a thoroughly entertaining day in the sun.
    To my surprise The Sunshine Sisters were playing for the families on the base and as usual they were fantastic. For those of you who don't know these two lovely girls, they used to be members of staff, during the pandemic, at the supermarket where I work. Usually in the acting profession, they came from The King's Theatre here in Portsmouth, to work with us, when the theatre was closed due to Coronavirus restrictions. I recall many occasions when these two amazing young girls played in the foyer of the supermarket, celebrating momentous milestones, with customers and staff alike. Zoe and Rachel were inspirational at a terrible time in history, shining light where there was darkness and brightening everyone's day. Seeing them both on Whale Island was a special reminder of a strange period in my life; it was great to see them both!
    The Royal Navy band was tremendously uplifting, playing many popular seafaring songs in celebration of The Queen's Jubilee, including a rather emotional, stirring rendition of the national anthem. Patriotic and champion of the Royal Family, I was happy to listen and sing along with the rest of the crowd. Not only was the music inspiring, it was also rousing and a reminder of just what makes our country great. Our military in all its forms is the best in the World, and we should be very proud to have them. With the war in Ukraine still raging on, they are also a symbol of resistance against the Russian onslaught. I was happy to take part in such a special day, surrounded by family and friends!
    As we approach HM The Queen's Platinum Jubilee, the celebrations will become more widespread. With time off work, I have been asked to help out at The Newcome Arms, where I worked until last month. I have agreed to do a couple of shifts, as The Newcome celebrates the Jubilee with the rest of the local residents. Despite serving behind the bar, I look forward to spending time with old friends from the pub, even though I will technically be on holiday. The Newcome will certainly be the place to be over that long four-day weekend. With The Queen looking more and more frail, the hope is, she manages to attend some organised national events, after seventy years on the throne!
    Charles Dickens Birthplace, amid the brutalist architecture of the last century!
    After leaving HMS Excellence, we walked the short distance home, via the pub of course. Interestingly, just around the corner from my Aunts house is the old childhood home of 19th century author Charles Dickens. To be honest, I had no idea he was born in the Portsmouth, so this was a bit of a shock for me.

    Walking along the road, past row after row of brutalist social housing, architecture I am familiar with and a design concept I have a fondness for, we stumbled upon Old Commercial Road. This was the street where Mr Dickens was born in 1812 and the house stands perfectly preserved in this quaint side street, surrounded by large tower blocks.

    As a 'book person,' I was in awe of the revelation that this author was born in Landport, Portsmouth, and the fact you can visit his home was even more mind-blowing. I suppose, because the area is so built up now, a concrete jungle of 60s flats, it is even more amazing to think this little house is still there, perfectly preserved, for all to see.

    The longer I live in Portsmouth, the more I discover about this great city I now live in. There are many aspects of my home I can't stand, but there is also much I love. It is a great historic city on the south coast of England first and foremost, but it is also a home for two hundred thousand people, many of whom work in the Royal Navy. The event at HMS Excellence brought together the naval community and showcased its commitment to all those who are a part of its extended family. Saturday I felt a part of something special, living and working in a wonderfully eclectic, gritty, consequential city. It does have many downsides, but the welcoming nature of those who live here and their dedication to friends and neighbours is truly heartening and really, who could ask for more, when deciding where to lay down roots; Portsmouth will certainly be home for many more years to come!
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