Tags

  • Published on

    Oxfam - Surviving the Aftermath!

    Picture
    Picture
    In 2015, I started blogging, to write about my experiences working for Oxfam. My time as a Manager for the biggest international charity in the country didn't end well, after a prolonged period of harassment and bullying, and I was glad to lay my eight years of employment to rest. In the main I enjoyed working for and promoting this organisation, but the last ten months were intolerable and not an experience I want to repeat. I wrote about my challenges frequently, trying to make sense of just what happened during my time at Oxfam and to my surprise I came into contact with other employees who had and were still suffering from bullying, abuse and discrimination. These were the people that helped me through some terribly dark days and individuals I still have a connection with today. Every person I communicated with helped me get through this difficult tenure, many of whom still message today.

    On Thursday I heard from Lee, an ex employee of Oxfam, someone I have spoken to before and  a person I wrote about on the 10 March last year. Lee, like me suffered some dreadful bullying and torment whilst in post at Oxfam and didn't know where to turn. Last year, he contacted me via my channel on youtube and asked if he could phone to have a chat, about are shared experiences. I was not only delighted to hear from Lee, but I was also happy to do what I could to help him come to terms with what happened. Lee suffered as I suffered and many others still suffer; People like Lee are the reason why I write about bullying and want to see Oxfam brought to account for what they did to me and many others who worked for them!

    Lee wanted to thank me for encouraging him to speak up and contact people who could really make a difference in closing this dreadful chapter in his life. He has managed to take the first steps in making his story heard. For so long, he has kept what happened to him a secret, in fear of what may happen if he speaks out, but after much thought and soul search, talking to others and contacting me, he has finally begun to vanquish the demons that haunt his life.

    We spoke on the phone for a little under an hour, it was great to catch up from where we left off 363 days ago. This was a young man who had become strong and able to deal with the circumstances that dominated his life for so long. There was a change in his voice and tone, and he sounded confident and self-assured. Although he had moved on from those dark days at Oxfam physically, he was still suffering from the effects of bullying, rather like a victim suffers from PTSD. Neither Lee nor myself will ever really get over what happened to us, but we can learn to live with the aftermath, and he has come a long way in helping himself to finally become the person he wants to be.

    I am proud that this blog has given Lee hope, he was more than generous in his assessment of  Roaming Brit and I couldn't thank him enough for his continued support. The bullying I suffered from those in charge at Oxfam were truly terrible and tore my life apart, but people like Lee have allowed me to rebuild in a way I would have never thought possible. Today I am able to spend quality time writing and discussing the behaviour that surrounds bullying and use my conclusions to help others who would otherwise suffer in silence. Lee spoke to me because he needed an outlet, an outlet he wouldn't have had otherwise. His experiences also brought back many terrible memories for me, but recollections I wouldn't otherwise have faced my self. Our shared encounters have been a blessing. I have been able to analyse my time working for Oxfam and learn from my mistakes, noticing the signs of manipulation far more easily!

    Lee's quest for closure continues, long after mine has come to an end, which is understandable, considering the pain he went through and I will be here for him every step of the way. He has become a benchmark for the decisions I take now, trying to come to terms with my own memories. I know we will always have a connection that will help guide one another towards a better future, without the need to forever relive our time at Oxfam. Someone, far wiser than me, who had been through much worse than I once said that 'the torture I suffer today will last for the rest of my life, but it will gradually fade into the background,' that I understand well! I am a very different person today than I was in 2015 and am able to deal with the bullying in a way I was never able to before. Lee will also do the same eventually; yes it is a long road, but there is light at the end.

    Light comes in many forms and Just a few weeks ago I was approached by an old colleague, who I haven't heard from in over five years, too scared to reach out before. They asked if I had finally found peace after Oxfam, after much thinking I nodded my head and said 'yes absolutely.' The disgusting treatment I endured was now firmly a distant memory, but I will always remember it for the lessons it taught, the people I met, the friends who walked away and the future I now forge. My life is far better now, than it ever was. I am doing things, I would never have dreamt of doing a few years ago, and I am a survivor, when so many weren't. Strength comes from our ability to survive in the most horrendous circumstances and with every breath I take, I will always do what I can to help anyone who suffered the way I did! Bullies will never win, they grow less important with every day that passes; one day they will disappear completely!
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
  • Published on

    Looking Out For Others!

    Picture
    Picture
    I was brought up to look out for others and do what I can to help anyone who needs it. I have always done as much as I am able to give other people a sense of self-worth and boost their confidence at times when they are feeling low. First and foremost I am a people person and just want to help if I can. One of the reasons I joined Action For Children as a volunteer in 2010, was to give something back to the community in which I live, by encouraging kids from difficult backgrounds to feel good about themselves and work towards a better future. The role as a Mentor and Advocate was a challenging one, but a position I found rewarding and a benchmark for my future outlook on life.

    Living in Portsmouth, I recently bumped into a lady (Mrs F) who needed  someone to talk to. Living opposite my Aunts home in Portsmouth, I try to pop in to make sure she is OK when I can. We are all told to keep an eye out for the older generation, especially when they live alone and I do what I can as a friend and neighbour to help lift her spirits. Everyone deserves to be thought of once in a while, brought a bunch of flowers or made to smile when they are feeling down and chatting to this dear soul is a pleasure, something I enjoy, offering contact with community when it can often be difficult to go outside!

    Older people feel lonely and invisible, spending much of their time away from society, confined to their home, especially now with Coronavirus on the rise. Today we are told to isolate the old and vulnerable from the ravages of Covid-19, but it shouldn't stop us from visiting them when we can. I enjoy listening to the stories from an age before I was born and I know Mrs F enjoys our chats also. The wise words and wisdom from senior citizens are  words we can all learn from and Mrs F has much to offer the rest of us.

    All of us should take the time to check on elderly friends and neighbours, a friendly face can often mean the difference between a good and bad day. Everyone deserves to be noticed, respected and afforded the courtesy they would give us, if the shoe was on the other foot. Old people matter, they are a link to the past we can ill afford to lose!
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
  • Published on

    Chaos!

    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Is it me, or does the World just seem crazy at the moment. Rain just keeps on coming down here in the UK, as we brace for yet more storms and another deluge, the hot summer of 2018 seems a long way away, and I am looking back to Spain with fondness, more and more every single day. The cold inclement weather is beginning to take its toll on me and my general sense of well-being needs a boost. My mood is low and the aches and pains from arthritis, IBS and Diverticulitis seems to get worse every day. The reality is, I am not enjoying Britain at the moment and am badly in need of a break, which may or may not happen anytime soon!

    Of course Coronavirus is at the forefront of every ones mind and people are beginning to panic, not only here in the UK but also elsewhere in the World. In Britain a public information campaign has been launched as the Government tries to get to grips with this virus. Listening to politicians and scientists one could be forgiven for thinking the end of the World is nigh and maybe, just maybe those in charge aren't actually telling us the full truth. It does seem a little absurd that there are only ninety cases of Coronavirus in the UK, yet the measures being put in place would suggest a much larger crisis looming on the horizon. Of course people like you and I are always the last to know what's really going on, and we either believe our Government or we don't. As for me, well I remain nervous and confused about the whole thing, baffled, like all of you.

    My biggest fear is the holiday to Asia we have booked in May. I am being told on one hand not to worry about the Coronavirus and continue with my plans, and warned to avoid going altogether by others. All I can do is listen and take on board what other people are saying, but ultimately my travel plans are in the lap of the Gods. As an observer looking in at this ever-changing situation, I am truly amazed by what I am witnessing on the television. Panic buying of hand gel, face masks and absurdly, toilet roll across the World by selfish people who have little or no understanding of the virus and would probably do the same in any situation, that affects their perfect little lives. This is not a time to run around like headless chickens, this is a time to pull together and work with one another for the good of mankind.

    Today is my one and only day off a week and I have a lot to do as usual. I have just got off the phone to my travel agent, trying to rearrange flights to no avail. Having cancelled my flight to China and Japan, I have been unable to change the rest of my itinerary; we are still scheduled to fly to Phuket and Hong Kong. It does seem likely that we will continue with our plans, unless the Coronavirus situation changes dramatically between now and then. One would imagine that the disease would have spread widely by our date of departure;  in any case the World isn't going to stop flying because of a virus!

    On top of all this doom and gloom, yet more trouble, with airline Flybe collapsing this morning. Darrell and I used this carrier for many years, from its base at Southampton Airport. We flew to and from our home in Spain as well as many holiday destinations throughout the World. This is yet another blow brought about by the Coronavirus and is just the beginning of an economic downturn that will see all of us suffer. Only today I checked my pension and shares portfolio, where I discovered twenty percent had been wiped off their value in just a few days. This doesn't bode well for the future and like everyone else, I will have to take this financial hit on the chin.

    The World really isn't a nice place at the moment for a variety of reasons and all I want to do is run away and hibernate, or rather self isolate, until this ghastly situation is over. Sadly like us all, I have to get on with life and the old adage, 'What will be, will be' will forever be my mantra, at least for now. There is nothing I can do to alter what is happening. Of course any anxiety and stress does play havoc with my constitution, especially with my IBS, so I have to learn to deal with the ups and downs of life in a more relaxed way. I am sure everything will turn out OK in the end and all of us can once again live a relatively normal life, until then, it's time to batten down the hatches and enjoy the bumpy ride!
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
  • Published on

    A Knife Edge!

    Picture
    Image description
    It looks like the Coronavirus (Covid19) is getting worse. This morning when I turned on the television, before work, I listened with interest about the spread of the virus throughout Asia and now Europe. The number of deaths is rising and recorded cases multiplying almost by the hour. It does seem that wherever you travel to, you are now at risk  and unless you decided to hibernate for the next few months, you are going to have to put up with the dangers that surround this virus. So far at least, I haven't given the illness a second thought, too busy dealing with my own issues, to be thinking about something that may or may not affect me in the future.

    At the moment our jaunt to Asia is still very much alive, if a little dishevelled so to speak; we have had to cancel the first flight on our trip, travelling through China. After contacting Air China, I negotiated a full refund without any argument. The airlines' spokesman was more than happy to help us and told me they would be re-routing flights around infected areas anyway. The other flights we have booked remain untouched, until we have arranged new tickets with a different airline, or cancelled altogether.

    Darrell continues to cast doubt on travelling to Japan and Thailand at this time. He remains medium risk for contracting Coronavirus after suffering two lung collapses in the past, one of them on a plane flying to Australia. With his Mother seriously ill, he doesn't necessarily want to put himself and consequently his Mum at risk by touring the worst infected areas on our journey.

    Whatever we choose to do, we will have to make that choice in April and book the rest of our trip last minute or arrange a new holiday instead. None of us have enough information to make an informed decision at present and have not  been able to cancel the other two flights in our itinerary. My insurance company has delayed taking responsibility for any change until we have exhausted every avenue open to us first. Of course insurance companies are great at offloading their liability in such situations and are less willing to help when it is needed most.

    On top of all this stress, Darrell was also informed that his Australian travel agent, who he bought his aeroplane tickets from has gone into administration. They haven't paid for his flights to Singapore and Japan and with protection limited, he has more than likely lost the money he paid. This is just another hurdle to cross, and I am surprisingly taking it all in my stride, which is highly unusual for me.

    Only time will tell what happens next and I still remain positive about our vacation for now. I can't change what is happening in the rest of the World, but keeping myself updated on this rapidly changing situation and remaining upbeat, not panicking and ignoring the sensationalist headlines, should allow for a measured approach when making any decisions. The World will not stop because of Coronavirus, planes will still fly and people will continue to travel, as long as we all take sensible precautions, life should carry on, very much as it has before!
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
  • Published on

    Gran Alacant - Making The Right Choices!

    Picture
    Image description
    It has been nearly two years since I left Spain to return to the UK, after what I can only describe as a manic time living and working in Gran Alacant. As I look back at that period I am reminded of the difficult journey that Darrell and I travelled, trying to forge a new life in a country both of us loved but knew little about. In this new section of Roaming Brit, I want to relive my experiences in Spain and try to understand just what went wrong. It is true to say our move in 2015 was brought about by adverse circumstances, and we started off our new life in a rather negative way. On the surface this could well have signalled the beginning of the end of our adventure before it even started, but of course our move was significant for many other reasons, not just the turmoil that was the catalyst for our decision to move.

    We left Britain behind with some apprehension, neither Darrell nor I knew if our move would work and really had to take a chance, leaping into the unknown and trying to salvage what was left of the life we once had. After a terrible time working for Oxfam and the bullying we endured for many years, we both decided a fresh start was necessary to begin the process of rebuilding and repairing our sense of self-worth. After much research we decided Spain would offer us the best chance of a new life away from the memories of the past. By the time we left the UK, we were both exhausted, ill and shadows of our former self. As I stepped onto the plane with Jamie, a friend who had decided to move with us and Darrell had left Southampton with a single van load of stuff, we were both really unprepared for what happened next. Spain was nothing like we had imagined, it was the beginning of the most difficult time in our life.

    After a brief stay in Alicante, we took a taxi to our new home in Gran Alacant, a destination we chose through luck. We saw a house we liked online and immediately contacted the agent a few weeks before our departure. We knew nothing about this small urbanization in the Valencia region, except it was close to Alicante, Benidorm and Torrevieja in the South. It was the ideal choice for our relocation, being close to work and links to Britain. This seemed like the perfect     raison d'être on paper and as we drove up to the new house, I was positive about our decision.

    The weather was cold, very cold and the house even colder inside. This was the beginning of February and all of us were unprepared for the freezing temperatures that greeted us. When one thinks of Spain, one never imagines for a minute the British like conditions, howling wind and icy cold nights, but Spain in the middle of winter was as bad as Britain, if not worse. The houses were cold, without central heating or carpet and the single glazed windows let in the cold and damp air. Our location at the top of Heart Attack Hill overlooking a ravine was indeed idyllic, but it also left us exposed and vulnerable at a time when the weather outside was decidedly unwelcoming. The first few weeks took some getting used to and all of us suffered to differing degrees.

    It was important for me to get out and about as soon as I arrived and not dwell on the past. The predominantly British Expat community would be our home, and we needed to find our place within it, meet the locals and discover just what life was like in Gran Alacant. It didn't take too long to find our way around and introduce ourselves to residents. Daily activities were centred around one of three squares, Plaza Mayor, Sierra Mar and the Centro Commercial, as well as a strip of bars and restaurants at Carabassi at the bottom of the hill we overlooked; everywhere was within walking distance. With beautiful white sandy beaches, just a short walk away, the lifestyle this enclave offered was inviting and popular among the many tourists and second homeowners who lived there! The streets were safe and clean, the locals would say hello, pass the time of day and were generally more approachable. At first this was a little disconcerting, but as time moved on, I became used to this friendly community vibe and grew to love its charm.

    The characters that lived and worked in GA, as Gran Alacant is affectionately known were varied and full of surprises. Within a short space of time I had made friends with some incredible people, who went out of their way to help me fit in and adapt to Expat life. Sitting in Dick Turpin, looking out across the square, winter sun high in the sky, warming my cold hands from the night before, I was suddenly at ease, safe and feeling at home. This was the first amicable bar we had stumbled across and I can't fault it in any way. In reality, this was how I pictured life living in the sun and I wanted to make this adventure work. An instantaneous feeling of determination overwhelmed me and I made a pact with myself to do everything possible to remain focused, at a time when I could have so easily let go. After such a horrendous time in the UK before we left, this is when the weight of the World lifted from my shoulders and it was all thanks to those locals who made our first few weeks so memorable, happy and inviting. Gran Alacant was my home, as it still remains today, firmly in my heart, rooted in the memories of an altogether better time!
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture