Popped along to the Quesada Restaurant with Dawn and Katie yesterday afternoon. To be honest we were supposed to go shopping at Euroski, but ended up drinking red wine at this lovely venue on the coast, at Santa Pola. I nice bottle of Rioja, chatting with the 'No Wives Club!'
We ended up talking about families and family trees, which is one subject I am passionate about, having researched my own tree, back to the 1500's.
I is also difficult, living abroad, without one's family and was nice to hear about Dawn and Katie's similar feelings and experiences.
After dropping Katie off at home, I went back with Dawn for a glass or two more, of wine; where we chatted more. Dawn was interested in what had happened between myself and Oxfam; what exactly had brought us to Spain? She has been reading my blog and was interested in my 'Charlatan or Confidant' entries and my conversations with Penny, the secret Director, Psychic and Manager. Well, these were her words not mine. To this day, I still have no idea who the woman was and probably never will.
Explaining to another person, just what happened, during that period of my life is difficult. People normally sit there, blank expressionless, or looking a little confused. Dawn was a bit different to most. She has studied psychology herself, rather like my old friend in the UK, Ramona, so was well aware of what I was talking about. She was able to offer advice and empathise, is a way that others can't.
My story is a little bit different from most of those who live here and is not something I talk about to everyone I meet. I am a writer and will always detail those events in the way I need too. It helps me come to terms with what exactly happened. Dawn was more interested than most. That is great for me, because talking about that time is a great healer, just as writing about it is, also!
I do sometimes feel that people disbelieve what you are telling them. That is most certainly true with individuals, who don't really know me. All I can say is, my partner and husband went through it with me and we were both abused in a way that is difficult to comprehend. In time, we hope to be able to return to Britain, briefly, to give evidence against these people. That is an ongoing saga and one that will end one day, Until then, it is great to have people, like Dawn, Katie and many others to talk to, especially when feeling lost or down; which does happen often, although less and less as time goes on!
After another bottle of wine at Zest, watching British quiz shows, we were done!
Thanks Dawn and Katies for another 'No Wives Club' afternoon!
Yesterday was the first meeting of the 'No Wives Club!' All of us out for the day, without our husbands or wives; just a tongue in cheek way of looking at our situation. We all met at Dawn's lovely home, perched on the top of a cliff, overlooking the mediterranean. Even though we are heading towards the end of November, the weather was great; you could see straight across the sea towards Benidorm. The house is in a stunning position, just what Spain is all about!
After a coffee at Dawns, she took us all to lunch at El Hatsikidee, a wonderful Dutch restaurant at the GA Centre. It was the first time, I had ever been there and it was great. The food was delicious, the service was wonderful!
Had a wonderful afternoon and evening back at Dawns. It is good to be around people in similar situations, it does help to cope with the daily problems associated with living apart from one's partner. All of us are able to give each other advice, especially at times, when you may feel lonely. Darrell is away longer than any other partner, but all of us are experiencing the same feelings. If it wasn't for this group of friends, life at the moment would be far more difficult than it is.
The most important thing to remember, when you are spending long periods apart from your partner, is that you are not alone. There are other people in your position, many of whom suffer far more than you. I have learned after four months to cope with my situation. This is in part due to my own mechanisms, but it is also through following guidance from others.
If I were to give advice to someone living apart from their partner, I can only say how I manage, what works best for me, but of course everyone is different. Firstly have a good network of friends; we are talking quality here, not quantity. So far, so good for me. The people who are close to me are fabulous and make everyday easier. Secondly, do not phone, skype or message your partner everyday; all this does, is make the whole experience more painful. Currently I speak to Darrell, maybe once a week, even less sometimes. With your other half away, you still have your own life to lead and that does not include him or her for a temporary time. Live your life, normally! Thirdly get out, as often as you can. Sitting in four walls, does not help you; it just makes you think about your situation more. Keeping oneself active and occupied also helps to divert attention into other, more productive tasks! Lastly, get a pet. This really does help with the loneliness. I would not be without my two cats.
Everyone does have their own ways of coping in difficult situations. Many of you may disagree with the methods I use. In all honesty, for me they work pretty well. However you manage and survive, the one thing that you should always hold on too, is, the situation you are in, is only temporary. This realisation, makes muddling through, that much easier!