What If?

It has been a couple of months since I have done a blog entry. Things have been pretty busy over the last couple of months, which is one of the reasons I haven’t sat down to write anything. There have been a few changes since I last wrote and I’ve started 2020 feeling really positive and really optimistic about the year and the future.
 
I decided that it was time to really make some changes in my life and take full on ownership of those changes. I started the year by committing to dry January and cutting out alcohol completely for January. It was easier than I thought it was going to be and it was really good to start the year by achieving that.
 
When I first started this blog I wasn’t happy with my life in lots of ways. I think this is partly down to the way I am, the way I see myself, and the way I see what I should be achieving. I spent a lot of time last year asking questions about myself and what I was capable of. I also spent a lot of time pushing myself – especially in work – always asking questions and constantly challenging myself. ‘What if….?’ was a constant throughout the year.

There is uncertainty in work again – another restructure and there is the risk of redundancy. Not ideal but I have some influence on the roles I can go for and what my capabilities are. I joined a new team around a year ago and felt like I was a very small fish in a very, very big ocean. Over the year I have achieved quite a lot in work, and I am hoping this is both realised and recognised in the selection process.

I’m never one who enjoys taking credit or compliments from others but some of the feedback I’ve received from managers and colleagues leads me to believe I am destined for bigger and better things at work.

When I first started this blog I was determined to complete an ultra-distance marathon. That is still a goal and will be something I achieve. However, I’ve been realistic in terms of my capabilities and set this as a longer term target for either 2021 or 2022.

I am training still and have set myself some more realistic targets for this year, so I can get back into a more varied and structured way of training. I’m hoping that having a variation will also result in me remaining injury free (something that has hampered my training over the last year).

I am planning on doing some running events, a couple of triathlons, some sportive cycle events, and hopefully finish the year with a marathon. Rather than focusing on one event I’ve decided to have smaller targets across the year so I can adapt the training and the focus before taking on that much bigger challenge.
 
I’ve made a good start to 2020 and I am determined to keep that going. I have people in my life who mean a lot to me, improve my life, make me happy, and make me laugh.
I spent a lot of last year looking at the things and the people who made me feel negative and decided to fully distance myself from them – it was an easy choice to make.

I looked at my own behaviours and what triggers those behaviours – again eliminating the negativity was an easy choice to make.

My mindset has changed for 2020. I used to feel that if I wasn’t achieving everything I needed to then I didn’t have the right to feel happy about things. I felt in constant conflict with myself and I’ve realised that this is not good. We all have a right to be happy and that should be on our own terms and our own terms only. Other people can have an influence on this but it is down to us as individuals to decide how we feel.

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