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Taking back control!
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Each and everyone of us has a passion in life. Some of us have several, and others have yet to discover what theirs is. From an early age, my passion was writing. I used to spend my time writing at school, mainly comedic pieces, based on people I knew. I have always been interested in others and enjoy the company of all those I meet, even though any friendship may well be short lived. Everyone has a view about life, that is equally as valuable as anyone else's. These are the things I like to write about. Individuality is the most precious thing we have. we should never give up our beliefs, morals and sense of purpose. It is important we preserve, who we are at all costs. If we are forced to change, by anyone other than ourselves, you can be sure it will not work, for long.
I have always been an individual in every sense of the word. My views on life are not commonplace and I choose to follow my own path. Whilst my friends and family were building careers , conforming to society and settling down, I was suffering the turmoil of a same sex relationship, with a foreign national, that wasn't allowed to remain with me, in my home country. My focus changed from ambition to survival. You see many people, sat in their glass houses, have dared to pass comment on my life, when they had never had to suffer the indignity of fighting a system, just to stay with their partner, under conditions, that were quite frankly, draconian.
As a couple we spent years trying to navigate through the mayhem, that was tipped in favour of a Government who were in reality homophobic. That turns you against a country that you were brought up to respect. Our relationship was rejected officially as well as abused by people who did not want to accept that gay people existed. As a couple you find there is very little you can do about your circumstances and spend your time fighting on all fronts to preserve what you have.
People take advantage of those in relationships, at least that is my experience. Unhappy people see others commitment and contentment as an excuse to interfere and in more extreme cases, try and split up, what they do not have. I have been with Darrell for over 21 years and at every juncture in our life together, there has been someone who has gained influence over us as a couple and used it to their advantage. My poor judge of character, has allowed that to happen, every single time. The lies, bitterness and disrespectful nature of individuals, who had nothing better to do with their time, so used it to try and destroy others lives. I could name each and everyone of these people, right here, right now, but they already know who they are. They were in our life, even over here, right up until recently and that is the story of us.
Today I have removed the last stumbling block to our continued happiness. I didn't keep this person hanging around for long. Once recognised, they were swiftly removed. In that respect, I have learned much, from the last twenty or so years. The key to a successful relationship, now, is for me and my husband to take back our lives, before somebody takes it away from us. Rumours, lies and gossip are really just that. It doesn't particularly mean anything, except to those who spread words, made up in their own heads. As everyone knows, when you shout loud enough, sometimes mud sticks, so it is important to make it clear, just how wrong, distasteful, immature and damaging people can be. They need to be outed for who they are and told, just where to get off.
Moving to Spain was about Darrell and myself taking back control of our life. We made the choice very early on to move away and restart our life, after others had tried to take it away. Others controlling influences were really intense. In extreme cases, as happened with us, it took over our whole existence. Regaining what you once had is important. Only you can recognise what has been lost, then you can remove those who have sort to remove your soul. For me at least, Spain has given me back my self worth. I have pulled out all the stops to make a new life here, without reservation. I set my own goals on day one, when I arrived and I have achieved all of them. I will not be giving up my life in Gran Alacant anytime soon, because this is now my home and I am happy with it.
Darrell has had a much more difficult time of it here. He has not settled into expat life, as well as myself. The biggest stumbling block for him, was the fact he was still dealing with issues, that followed him to Spain, from his previous employer. He had been left dangling by one of the worst employers I have ever known. Their treatment of us, through the worst of circumstances was horrendous. Whilst myself and Jamie were networking, finding jobs and meeting new friends, Darrell was still made to endure, the rigors of others behaviour that was basically obscene. Our relationship suffered during this time, but I was at least finally well enough to take charge of both our lives and battle my way through the Spanish system, finally feeling comfortable and happy where I am today. Things were looking up and both of us could finally see through the darkness.
Circumstances changed quickly for us, when we discovered Darrell's Mother was ill, very ill. Yet another problem we had to deal with, but one that only we could make. Initially Darrell was going back to Australia for a few weeks, but after discussing the situation we have decided that would not be long enough. Darrell will be spending six months in Australia, working and sending money back to Spain. You can earn a lot more money there than here. This is not an ideal arrangement for us, but after a lifetime together, it is one that we are well able to sustain for as long as necessary. It will allow me to concentrate on my writing career, get a part time job and spend six months travelling when Darrell returns home at Easter. I have discovered many people have very similar arrangements, out here. Spain's saving grace is its low cost of living and lifestyle. It is an ideal base for us. The money Darrell can earn in Australia, will ultimately, in a short number of years, be used to buy a home and finally live happily in a place we have both grown to love.
As is usual with us, plans will probably change, but at least for now, we have made choices and will see them through. This time next year, things may well be different, but for now, we at least know the path we are following!
I have always been an individual in every sense of the word. My views on life are not commonplace and I choose to follow my own path. Whilst my friends and family were building careers , conforming to society and settling down, I was suffering the turmoil of a same sex relationship, with a foreign national, that wasn't allowed to remain with me, in my home country. My focus changed from ambition to survival. You see many people, sat in their glass houses, have dared to pass comment on my life, when they had never had to suffer the indignity of fighting a system, just to stay with their partner, under conditions, that were quite frankly, draconian.
As a couple we spent years trying to navigate through the mayhem, that was tipped in favour of a Government who were in reality homophobic. That turns you against a country that you were brought up to respect. Our relationship was rejected officially as well as abused by people who did not want to accept that gay people existed. As a couple you find there is very little you can do about your circumstances and spend your time fighting on all fronts to preserve what you have.
People take advantage of those in relationships, at least that is my experience. Unhappy people see others commitment and contentment as an excuse to interfere and in more extreme cases, try and split up, what they do not have. I have been with Darrell for over 21 years and at every juncture in our life together, there has been someone who has gained influence over us as a couple and used it to their advantage. My poor judge of character, has allowed that to happen, every single time. The lies, bitterness and disrespectful nature of individuals, who had nothing better to do with their time, so used it to try and destroy others lives. I could name each and everyone of these people, right here, right now, but they already know who they are. They were in our life, even over here, right up until recently and that is the story of us.
Today I have removed the last stumbling block to our continued happiness. I didn't keep this person hanging around for long. Once recognised, they were swiftly removed. In that respect, I have learned much, from the last twenty or so years. The key to a successful relationship, now, is for me and my husband to take back our lives, before somebody takes it away from us. Rumours, lies and gossip are really just that. It doesn't particularly mean anything, except to those who spread words, made up in their own heads. As everyone knows, when you shout loud enough, sometimes mud sticks, so it is important to make it clear, just how wrong, distasteful, immature and damaging people can be. They need to be outed for who they are and told, just where to get off.
Moving to Spain was about Darrell and myself taking back control of our life. We made the choice very early on to move away and restart our life, after others had tried to take it away. Others controlling influences were really intense. In extreme cases, as happened with us, it took over our whole existence. Regaining what you once had is important. Only you can recognise what has been lost, then you can remove those who have sort to remove your soul. For me at least, Spain has given me back my self worth. I have pulled out all the stops to make a new life here, without reservation. I set my own goals on day one, when I arrived and I have achieved all of them. I will not be giving up my life in Gran Alacant anytime soon, because this is now my home and I am happy with it.
Darrell has had a much more difficult time of it here. He has not settled into expat life, as well as myself. The biggest stumbling block for him, was the fact he was still dealing with issues, that followed him to Spain, from his previous employer. He had been left dangling by one of the worst employers I have ever known. Their treatment of us, through the worst of circumstances was horrendous. Whilst myself and Jamie were networking, finding jobs and meeting new friends, Darrell was still made to endure, the rigors of others behaviour that was basically obscene. Our relationship suffered during this time, but I was at least finally well enough to take charge of both our lives and battle my way through the Spanish system, finally feeling comfortable and happy where I am today. Things were looking up and both of us could finally see through the darkness.
Circumstances changed quickly for us, when we discovered Darrell's Mother was ill, very ill. Yet another problem we had to deal with, but one that only we could make. Initially Darrell was going back to Australia for a few weeks, but after discussing the situation we have decided that would not be long enough. Darrell will be spending six months in Australia, working and sending money back to Spain. You can earn a lot more money there than here. This is not an ideal arrangement for us, but after a lifetime together, it is one that we are well able to sustain for as long as necessary. It will allow me to concentrate on my writing career, get a part time job and spend six months travelling when Darrell returns home at Easter. I have discovered many people have very similar arrangements, out here. Spain's saving grace is its low cost of living and lifestyle. It is an ideal base for us. The money Darrell can earn in Australia, will ultimately, in a short number of years, be used to buy a home and finally live happily in a place we have both grown to love.
As is usual with us, plans will probably change, but at least for now, we have made choices and will see them through. This time next year, things may well be different, but for now, we at least know the path we are following!
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