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Friendship Rekindled!
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Yesterday I heard from an old friend. We met at college in Fareham in 1987. I was studying Business and Finance at the time, One of those many mistakes I made in life, studying a subject I could not stand. I was never business minded, always a complete dreamer and in truth had a bit of a creative streak, no logic, but a lot of willpower. I chose the subject, because that is what everyone was doing at the time. It was the done thing in the 1980s. Margaret Thatcher as Prime Minister, deregulation in the stock market, everyone was going to make millions of pounds out of thin air. As I know now, nothing could be further from the truth. I had a great time at college, spending time doing homework in the local pub, The Admiral Cunningham and late nights at the Cuckoo Pint, a hostelry we frequented often. They were happy years, growing into an adult, finding my way in life and usually failing at the first hurdle, which has been the story of my life ever since.
My friend, Nathan, and my own life, followed very different paths. Nathan was successful in every sense of the word, following a career path, that would turn him into a very efficacious guy, certainly in my book. My life followed what I can only call, an 'eternal student' road, completely the opposite to that of Nathan. Despite our different choices, backgrounds and levels of success, we always managed to stay in touch, seeing each other whenever we could. I attended both of his Weddings and in all but name, he was like a brother to me. It was nice dipping in and out of normal life, staying with Nathan, at his home in London and Nathan, also spent time, with myself and husband, experiencing our rather alternative reality. Homosexuality was never an issue with him and no matter how ill I had been in the past, he was always supportive and there if I needed anyone. Like most 'blokes', neither of us really issued a cry for help, it just isn't the done thing!
In 1995, my life changed suddenly, when I met Darrell, leaving Britain for Australia, with just the clothes on my back. It was one of those life defining moments, that made me as a person, though at the time, it was traumatic for all those involved. At the same time, Nathan was going through his own issues, turning up on a doorstep, of a house I no longer lived at. I had gone, at a time when he needed someone. I do feel guilty about that, but like everything in life, things moved on. As people we both embarked on new paths, following, once again, very different tracks.
There were periods, when we both, as friends, lost contact, but always found each other in the end. No matter how long we didn't see one another, when we did, we always carried on our relationship, from where it left off. That is the mark of true and genuine friendship.
During my recent relapse and subsequent Marriage, Nathan was conspicuously absent. I wanted him at my Wedding, as he attended my 'Rite of Blessing' in 1998. Although he agreed, suddenly, as my relapse got worse, he disappeared and wasn't there. I assumed it was because of my illness, accepted it and moved on, not wanting to dwell on the reasons why.
When I received his message yesterday, I don't mind telling you, I didn't want to read it. When you have been that close with someone, I was afraid about what he might say. Nathan has always been honest with me and I was expecting him to lambast me, after what happened last year. Although not my fault, I still did not want to have a reminder of that time and do still feel ashamed about what transpired. Often the person being bullied or attacked, does feel shame, that was just how I felt.
Nathan explained what had happened to him and what he had been experiencing. Once again, just like in 1995, at the same time as me, he was going through his own uncertainties. I was upset and sad for what he had suffered. I should have guessed that something had happened, but I was so wrapped up in my own drama, I couldn't see past my own selfishness. I explained the circumstances that brought myself and Darrell to Spain and Nathan was equally shocked. I mean who wouldn't be, it is a shocking story.
When I got home from work, I continued to message. Give or take, Nathan knows now, what I went through. Not everything, because some things are very difficult to write down and should only be done on a phone or in person. Since I am not returning to Britain any time soon, I am sure we will make that call in the future.
Since my accord with close family has fractured, my connection with friends are important. Nathan is important to me for many reason, least of all, because our friendship has endured over three decades and despite what has happened in both our lives, we have always managed to be there for each other, even if it isn't at the most appropriate time. I am glad he is back in my life. Once again the past is just that, the past and I just hope we manage to maybe see each other in the future, even though I am living in Spain. From what I gather, he is now happy and content, rather like me. That is the most important outcome, from what both of us, have borne in recent times. Happy to have you back mate!
My friend, Nathan, and my own life, followed very different paths. Nathan was successful in every sense of the word, following a career path, that would turn him into a very efficacious guy, certainly in my book. My life followed what I can only call, an 'eternal student' road, completely the opposite to that of Nathan. Despite our different choices, backgrounds and levels of success, we always managed to stay in touch, seeing each other whenever we could. I attended both of his Weddings and in all but name, he was like a brother to me. It was nice dipping in and out of normal life, staying with Nathan, at his home in London and Nathan, also spent time, with myself and husband, experiencing our rather alternative reality. Homosexuality was never an issue with him and no matter how ill I had been in the past, he was always supportive and there if I needed anyone. Like most 'blokes', neither of us really issued a cry for help, it just isn't the done thing!
In 1995, my life changed suddenly, when I met Darrell, leaving Britain for Australia, with just the clothes on my back. It was one of those life defining moments, that made me as a person, though at the time, it was traumatic for all those involved. At the same time, Nathan was going through his own issues, turning up on a doorstep, of a house I no longer lived at. I had gone, at a time when he needed someone. I do feel guilty about that, but like everything in life, things moved on. As people we both embarked on new paths, following, once again, very different tracks.
There were periods, when we both, as friends, lost contact, but always found each other in the end. No matter how long we didn't see one another, when we did, we always carried on our relationship, from where it left off. That is the mark of true and genuine friendship.
During my recent relapse and subsequent Marriage, Nathan was conspicuously absent. I wanted him at my Wedding, as he attended my 'Rite of Blessing' in 1998. Although he agreed, suddenly, as my relapse got worse, he disappeared and wasn't there. I assumed it was because of my illness, accepted it and moved on, not wanting to dwell on the reasons why.
When I received his message yesterday, I don't mind telling you, I didn't want to read it. When you have been that close with someone, I was afraid about what he might say. Nathan has always been honest with me and I was expecting him to lambast me, after what happened last year. Although not my fault, I still did not want to have a reminder of that time and do still feel ashamed about what transpired. Often the person being bullied or attacked, does feel shame, that was just how I felt.
Nathan explained what had happened to him and what he had been experiencing. Once again, just like in 1995, at the same time as me, he was going through his own uncertainties. I was upset and sad for what he had suffered. I should have guessed that something had happened, but I was so wrapped up in my own drama, I couldn't see past my own selfishness. I explained the circumstances that brought myself and Darrell to Spain and Nathan was equally shocked. I mean who wouldn't be, it is a shocking story.
When I got home from work, I continued to message. Give or take, Nathan knows now, what I went through. Not everything, because some things are very difficult to write down and should only be done on a phone or in person. Since I am not returning to Britain any time soon, I am sure we will make that call in the future.
Since my accord with close family has fractured, my connection with friends are important. Nathan is important to me for many reason, least of all, because our friendship has endured over three decades and despite what has happened in both our lives, we have always managed to be there for each other, even if it isn't at the most appropriate time. I am glad he is back in my life. Once again the past is just that, the past and I just hope we manage to maybe see each other in the future, even though I am living in Spain. From what I gather, he is now happy and content, rather like me. That is the most important outcome, from what both of us, have borne in recent times. Happy to have you back mate!
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