Sickness!

​Firstly, I want to apologise, for not blogging for the last four or five days. That in itself is unusual for me. As a blogger I have always made a point of writing, at least once a day. These past few days, have not been, what I would describe as great or happy; I have been in no capacity to even consider blogging.

When Precious died, this week, it really knocked the stuffing out of me. This house is full of memories and it is not the best place to be, in order to get over the death of your life long pet. Lily, has also been pining terribly. I am having to look out for her, more than ever now. She is old, about fourteen years to be exact, and has spent the last ten years of her life, living with us and having Precious as her companion. Her behaviour at present is showing signs of concern; she is not coping well, with the loss of her friend. I can hear the comments of people reading my blog now; ‘she was just a cat, what’s your problem?’ Precious may well have been ‘just a cat’, but she was part of our family. We do not have children, like most people, so our animals are our kin folk. I have taken it quite badly myself. I didn’t enjoy, having to watch my cat die in front of me; for me it was a harrowing experience.

​After returning from the vets, I fell sick, with what I thought was just a cold; I soon discovered it was Spanish flu; the same thing I contracted, the first year I arrived in Spain; it’s horrible, I have never had flu, like it.

For the last four days, I have been really ill; I haven’t eaten or left the bed. Today is the first time, I have managed to come downstairs and even now, I am not feeling good. In all honesty, I think I have been so run down recently, with everything that has been going on in my life, the death of my cat, Darrell leaving Spain once again and worry whether or not Lily will survive, that it has all caught up with me. If I ever thought moving to Spain would be easy, I was most certainly wrong.
Spain was of course, the only option we had available to us, at the time, we made the decision to leave; I would have preferred the right of self determination, that wasn’t to be.

Since moving here, it does seem I have been more unwell, than I ever have been in my life. In the UK, I was never really ill at all. My own anxiety and stress, has reached levels, I am not comfortable with. As an individual I don’t like to be at the mercy of others, as I have been here. Nothing comes quickly in Spain and the waiting has taken its toll on me physically. I have been left in a country I barely know, during extreme hardship, when all I really wanted to do, was go home. The pressure of every day life is going to cause problems with health in the end!

Once again I have been left with a severe chest infection: I feel warn down and battered. I am not enjoying this experience at the moment and feel like my life is on hold, while everyone else is continuing to move forwards. I will not keep taking everything that is thrown at me, forever; none of us are indestructible; no man can live on hopes and dreams alone.