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There isn't a lot of time left now, before the new bar opens next week. We went out for a few drinks last night, having a fabulous time as usual. This is the last weekend before Darrell and I start working, so it was appropriate to spend time with friends. It has been exactly a year, since I was last employed at Dunbar's, so the first few weeks, opening a new bar are going to be something of a culture shock for me; in a good way of course!
In today's blog entry, I wanted to reflect over the last year; boy what a year it has been, for both Darrell and myself. This time last year I had finished working at Dunbar's, as Darrell prepared to travel to Australia; spending the final month together before his departure at the beginning of August. We had never spent longer than a week apart from each other in twenty two years; having to spend seven months without one another was going to be hard. Having just moved to a foreign country, without a trusted support network and without an income, were just some of the obstacles we had to overcome, in what was a most difficult year, one I would rather forget and certainly not a time I would want to revisit again.
Surviving on ones own, isn't something I have done very often in my life, in fact the last time I had to do it, was when I attended University in 1992. I was never any good at living as a single man and found this last year hard. I did of course have a small group of people around me; although these people are no longer there, I am grateful they were at the time. In reality I spent most of the time on my own, or with Jamie, before he left for home in January of this year. After the trauma of Oxfam I was and still am, very reluctant to invite people into my life. Even in Gran Alacant, we have experienced difficulties with individuals, who others had warned us about. Only now am I able to stand tall and have the courage of my own convictions.
The last year, has taught me a great deal; hardships tend to make us stronger and I have learned to live in a way, only my grandparents would understand. Living on 10,00€ a week, is not something I have ever had to endure, but am grateful I did it. Living hand to mouth at my time of life, is not a way of life I would recommend, but the life lessons you learn are invaluable. As a person, I have always been independent, not wanting to ask anyone for anything. I was more likely to get taken from or used, even if I didn't have a cent to my name; not any longer however; hardship has also taught me to harden up, say no and walk away.
While Darrell was away in Australia, I was trying to live my life, the best way I could and am lucky enough today, to have gained a strong network of friends, who have been more than generous, towards us. We have gradually changed our circle of contacts over the last year, as our life, and those we used to be friends with, have changed direction. This is probably the first time in my life, when I have actually finally began to think of myself and Darrell only. When you have nothing, you have nothing to give; the networkers and takers, also tend to avoid people like us, because we have nothing worth taking. You are finally left with a small group of people, close, good quality friends, with no expectations on anyone's part.
With Jamie leaving in January, my life really did take a downward spiral. Jamie left me financially in a mess and it was touch and go, whether or not I would survive. With Darrell caring for his Mother and having no source of income, these were dark times, during a particularly bad winter in Spain. This was the lowest point in my life here, the last few months before Darrell returned were deeply disturbing. I saw friends less and less, as they had their own lives to lead and initial reasons of companionship dwindled away.
I managed to pop out as often as a could, to my local pub, Zest in Sierra Mar. I have never been a person, who walked into bars on my own and to be honest never needed to, but when you are feeling low and in need of company, with few people to rely on, it is the ideal place to sit, relax and unwind. The people who work at Zest are great, whose company I enjoy; each of them were there for me, during difficult times. I have formed many close bonds and am lucky enough to call many of those who work there, friends. Zest will always be my local, somewhat of a sanctuary, away from the stresses of life in Spain.
Natalee Michele is back in our life, after we fell our nearly a year before. Darrell arranged for us to meet at Zest, where we sorted out our differences finally, realising in the process that out initial reasons for breaking contact, were probably made up in the minds of others, trying to drive a wedge between friends. It is good to have her back and I am thankful to all those who played their part in getting us talking again.
Our first cat Precious, died in March. Her health had become steadily worse over the winter and by March, she was practically lifeless. A friend, Paul took me and Precious to the vets in Santa Pola, where I decided to have her put to sleep. The lady vet thought she had experienceda brain hemorrhage and suggested the most humane option. This all happened on the day Darrell returned to the UK, renewing his visa and sorting out the last of the paperwork for residencia in Spain. Like Darrell, I miss Precious everyday; we still have Lily, although after the death of her sister, she has aged dramatically; I don't think she is long for this world. I am happy we rescued Lily and continue to give her a good life. Animals play a very important role in a home.
Surviving on ones own, isn't something I have done very often in my life, in fact the last time I had to do it, was when I attended University in 1992. I was never any good at living as a single man and found this last year hard. I did of course have a small group of people around me; although these people are no longer there, I am grateful they were at the time. In reality I spent most of the time on my own, or with Jamie, before he left for home in January of this year. After the trauma of Oxfam I was and still am, very reluctant to invite people into my life. Even in Gran Alacant, we have experienced difficulties with individuals, who others had warned us about. Only now am I able to stand tall and have the courage of my own convictions.
The last year, has taught me a great deal; hardships tend to make us stronger and I have learned to live in a way, only my grandparents would understand. Living on 10,00€ a week, is not something I have ever had to endure, but am grateful I did it. Living hand to mouth at my time of life, is not a way of life I would recommend, but the life lessons you learn are invaluable. As a person, I have always been independent, not wanting to ask anyone for anything. I was more likely to get taken from or used, even if I didn't have a cent to my name; not any longer however; hardship has also taught me to harden up, say no and walk away.
While Darrell was away in Australia, I was trying to live my life, the best way I could and am lucky enough today, to have gained a strong network of friends, who have been more than generous, towards us. We have gradually changed our circle of contacts over the last year, as our life, and those we used to be friends with, have changed direction. This is probably the first time in my life, when I have actually finally began to think of myself and Darrell only. When you have nothing, you have nothing to give; the networkers and takers, also tend to avoid people like us, because we have nothing worth taking. You are finally left with a small group of people, close, good quality friends, with no expectations on anyone's part.
With Jamie leaving in January, my life really did take a downward spiral. Jamie left me financially in a mess and it was touch and go, whether or not I would survive. With Darrell caring for his Mother and having no source of income, these were dark times, during a particularly bad winter in Spain. This was the lowest point in my life here, the last few months before Darrell returned were deeply disturbing. I saw friends less and less, as they had their own lives to lead and initial reasons of companionship dwindled away.
I managed to pop out as often as a could, to my local pub, Zest in Sierra Mar. I have never been a person, who walked into bars on my own and to be honest never needed to, but when you are feeling low and in need of company, with few people to rely on, it is the ideal place to sit, relax and unwind. The people who work at Zest are great, whose company I enjoy; each of them were there for me, during difficult times. I have formed many close bonds and am lucky enough to call many of those who work there, friends. Zest will always be my local, somewhat of a sanctuary, away from the stresses of life in Spain.
Natalee Michele is back in our life, after we fell our nearly a year before. Darrell arranged for us to meet at Zest, where we sorted out our differences finally, realising in the process that out initial reasons for breaking contact, were probably made up in the minds of others, trying to drive a wedge between friends. It is good to have her back and I am thankful to all those who played their part in getting us talking again.
Our first cat Precious, died in March. Her health had become steadily worse over the winter and by March, she was practically lifeless. A friend, Paul took me and Precious to the vets in Santa Pola, where I decided to have her put to sleep. The lady vet thought she had experienceda brain hemorrhage and suggested the most humane option. This all happened on the day Darrell returned to the UK, renewing his visa and sorting out the last of the paperwork for residencia in Spain. Like Darrell, I miss Precious everyday; we still have Lily, although after the death of her sister, she has aged dramatically; I don't think she is long for this world. I am happy we rescued Lily and continue to give her a good life. Animals play a very important role in a home.
Darrell in Britain
Darrell returned home in the middle of May, finally back together, hopefully for good. I am not sure whether this is the end of the tough times or not. The insecurity and anxiety I feel is still there, inside of me, after such testing times. I still believe there are real struggles ahead for us both, as we adapt to yet another new chapter in our life. This will once again be a learning curve, a time that will help secure our life in Spain or not and hopefully avoid returning to Britain anytime soon. The bipolarcoaster ride, I have been on since 2014 continues unabated. In time as we both gain the security we deserve, the ups and downs of our life will cease to be important. A smooth ride is all I desire, doing our time, forebearance over personal burden and vestigial perseverance, in the face of disaster, will help to repair the damage of the past. To learn, is to evolve; evolving helps to forget; always a reminder of challenges overcome!
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