Feeling Angry!

Christmas is coming and it is going to be yet another milestone that Darrell and I won't be enjoying together. This is actually my favourite time of year, so not spending it with my partner is going to be difficult. I have seriously been thinking about upping sticks and just getting on a plane and going to be with him in Australia - easier said than done I hear you say, but I am finding life particularly taxing at the moment; I am not enjoying it one bit!

'Compared to other people, I really don't have a lot to complain about!' This is all I am told, encouraged to 'knock myself out of it,' whatever 'it' is and get on with life. However, these are the people who really have no concept of what I am going through and the torment I feel every day. These are the people with perfect lives, wife, 2.4 children and an 'easy ride;' these are the people who have no idea what it is like to struggle, fight, battle and strive, and I am sick of hearing their opinions!

Today I am feeling angry, angry at the World and angry with myself. I wish I had gone to Australia when I had the chance, despite the difficulties involved; I surely would have muddled through. This bloody pandemic is getting me down yes, but the reaction of people is grating on me even more. No one cares about anyone, just themselves and how they are missing their annual holiday, can't go to their favourite restaurant or have that extra pint in the pub, because it is closing early. I am fed up with their selfish attitude towards others. They only wear masks when they want, refuse to socially distance, break all the rules and think they have the right to ignore the rest of us - well they don't, and they should be bloody ashamed of themselves!

I may well not be suffering like other people in the physical sense, but mentally I am drained and at the end of my tether. I haven't seen my husband for a year and have no idea when I will be allowed to see him again. If all you have to whinge about, is boredom on a Saturday night, because everything shuts at 10pm, the lack of quinoa on supermarket shelves or the queues outside Primark for your cheap, nasty clothes, then you really have no idea what heartache is. Yes I am bitter and feeling sorry for myself, yes it is rather self-indulgent, sybaritic and unrestrained but I have a voice and today I want to shout out loud from the rooftops... I have a reason to roar, can you really say the same!

Rant over!!!!

---

---