Coming Out Story - Eloise Felstead!

My name is Eloise, and I am a 22-year-old bisexual woman.

I first properly came to terms with my sexuality when I was around 13/14. Before then, I had seen pretty women on TV or in public and wondered why I felt ‘funny’, but it didn’t really make sense until I started watching and becoming a fan of popular TV shows and getting involved with the online community surrounding it.
 
I became a little infatuated with one of the characters and cast members of my favourite show at the time, Glee. It was because of her that I came to terms and realised I wasn’t actually straight. I didn’t have an issue displaying this on certain platforms online where it wasn’t viewed by my peers, but remained closeted and silent in public.
 
Over the years, I came out to several friends who I trusted and who I knew understood how I was feeling. I always wanted to come out to my family, but the fear and anxiety it caused made this difficult. You are constantly reading about horror stories in the LGBTQ+ community and how young kids are being abused or thrown out of their home for something they can’t help, which puts the fear in your own head that the same is going to happen to you.
 
I would be lying if I said I didn’t think my parents were homophobic/biphobic at least several times. My dad would always make jokes and call my steel capped boots I wore to Cadets my “dyke/lesbian” boots. Whilst this was a joke to him, it was scary to imagine what he would say if he knew I wasn’t straight. My mum joked about bisexuality a lot, saying bisexual people are greedy and should pick a side, and it saddened me. But I never spoke up in fear of being outed and disowned. These jokes and comments came from all around me. Friends, family. I felt like I had been pushed so far back in the closet so, I never even contemplated coming out. I know none of it was ever malicious, but words do more damage than people care to admit.
 
In 2016, my dad sadly passed away before I had the chance to tell him I was bisexual, and this has always affected me because I never got to come out to him and tell him who I really was. There’s nothing I can do about that now, but I always wonder what he would say, if he would be proud of me, if he would care.
 
After a while, I met someone online, and it was getting quite serious. I knew I’d have to come out eventually if I really wanted this relationship to go anywhere so, one night, after work, I had plucked the courage up to come out to my mum. You may laugh, but I spent the entire 45-minute walk home from work listening to ‘I’m Coming Out’ and other pride hits to give me the courage.
 
I got in and saw my mum on the phone. I didn’t want to wait up as she can be on the phone a long time so, I went up to my bed, and composed a text. I didn’t particularly want to come out via text, but it was the only way I felt brave enough. I typed out this message, debated pressing send, before I realised that I really had nothing to lose. The response I was going to get from my mum would be the same response I would get if I came out in a year. 5 years. 10 years. I pressed send and a wave of anxiety and sickness washed over me.
 
Within a few minutes, I heard my mum coming up the stairs and I started shaking. I was so scared as to what she would say. She came into my room, asked if she could sit down on my bed, then started speaking to me.
 
She told me she didn’t care about whom I loved, as long as I was happy. She joked that she thought I was pregnant when I sent her the text beginning “I have something to tell you.”. I was crying, and we went downstairs to have a proper chat. She asked me questions about bisexuality to try and understand more, and that comforted me and made me feel like she truly cared about bettering herself and becoming more educated. She asked me if I had a girlfriend and I said yes, and told her about Caitlyn, who is still my girlfriend over 3 years later.
 
I felt like my coming out was very anti-climatic. It was nothing like the shows or movies, it was so much easier and calmer and... happier. The only issue I really had surrounding my coming out is that your coming out doesn’t become your own story to tell any more.
 
My mum started telling friends and family, who told friends and family, so on and so on. This upset me as I didn’t have the chance to tell my closest friends first. I felt that this rushed me into telling others when I wasn’t ready for that, and I told my mum this. But, to me, it felt like it was now her news for her to share. She didn’t seem to care about the effect it had on me or my well-being. Despite these feelings, her telling people had no negative effect on me, and in the long run, it probably made things a lot easier for me.
 
After my grandparents found out, my nan was very set on telling me that I’ll “end up with a man one day”. I know she was only looking after me, but this felt like my bisexuality was being treated as a phase. I never spoke up as my anxiety refused to let me. This stopped after a while and now everyone could not be more supportive of myself and my girlfriend.
 
My girlfriend and I have now been living together for almost 2 years after she moved 630 miles to be with me. We are happy in our own home, just the two of us, and she is a part of my wider family. We will have been together 4 years this December.
 
While my coming out was difficult at times, I know I’ve had it incredibly easy compared to others, but this doesn’t mean there still isn’t a huge stigma surrounding coming out.
 
I hope my story has helped someone, even if it’s given them a little push towards telling someone they trust. You will never be alone. Love always wins.

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