Christmas Thoughts - The Ghosts of Christmas Past by Luke Martin-Jones!

15/12/2018

There was me expecting a boring Yuletide; nothing could have been further from the truth. I was doing my best, trying to celebrate a traditional Noel, spending a fortune on all the best things, any 'normal' family has during this festive period. The one factor I always forget, is that we were not a normal family. I invited a member of my volunteer team round for Christmas dinner, together with her son. A three course meal, home made soup, roast turkey, cola ham and all the trimmings. Lots of alcohol, tins of roses and luxury crackers from Mr Singh on the corner!

With our 'normal' friends over, I spent the whole day in the kitchen cooking; the biggest f*ck off turkey I could find, because that's what it’s all about ….. RIGHT? Christmas carols played on the radio, the smell of cooking filled the air, the chink of crystal celebrated the day. After dinner, we watched TV, The Queens Christmas broadcast, talked about the year ahead and managed to catch forty winks; finally like a bloated whale, suitably fed, I laid on the sofa, trying to ease my pain!

I didn’t have a 'normal' family back then, not in the time-honoured sense. I did however have a gay family. The only family that really mattered at the time. On Christmas Day my mad wayward gay daughter Lee Ralphie Ralph sheepishly phoned, offering an olive branch after we both fell out a few weeks before. I never approved of his insane behaviour and the dubious company he kept, not forgetting his yo yo relationship that I would publicly attack at any given opportunity, causing more problems for Lee!

It was the season of goodwill to all men; drawing the line at all, what I really meant was most. Being the charitable person that I am, I told Lee he could come down for the evening. In typical style he arrived, drunk, slurring, a little more strange than usual, with what I assumed was his latest 'special friend', baring gifts of joy, left fermenting from years gone by!

We shouted a bit, scratched each others eyes out and slapped a few cheeks, each of us trying to get one over the other. Posturing like a pair of peacocks, we growled like lions, biting one another’s head off. In the gay world ‘one-upmanship’ is commonplace, part of the life we lead. He had taken something, this wasn't normal, he was happy and glowing; this wasn’t the daughter I knew. Our Lee had his addictions, which are vast and many, but he'd discovered the joys of happy pills, a little something to get him out of bed and focus his mind on the day ahead. Even I can't recall the last time I experienced happiness in all its amazing glory, surrounded by loved ones under the sparkling lights of the tree.

Christmas presents opened, expectations low, I was surprised at just how swimmy I got. ‘I'll just have half, maybe a pint or two later.’ I didn't like to indulge too much back then, with my ailments, age and mental disposition. Well to cut a long story short, that was it, I don't remember much thereafter!

Now my house had always been open to all, welcoming, liberal, a place to unwind; If you stayed for the night, you may well have seen things you wish you hadn't; the front door was always there and useable. I obviously didn't make a point of allowing lurid behaviour and tried to encourage piety, devotion and godliness 24/7, but it has happened, especially when Lee, plies one with ‘Christmas Cheer.’ He had got me in some states in the past, but to be honest I was pickled. The sherry trifle had gone to my head, and I did some things, no daughter should see. Unbeknown to me he had his little camera, to record such fond memories for the family album, ‘Drawing Room Whispers’ he called it, clicking away, getting all the best angles, photographs telling the story of Christmas 2014. She knows how to make the best of what she has.

Things happened in between, oh how we laugh about it now, but at that time, it all seemed a bit weird, so as we often did, me and our Lee fell out, both him and I were out for each others blood.

There were certain people who were in my life back then, who I wish had never been. People of low moral standing, those who feed on others pain and live a miserable existence. At the time after much consumption I felt obliged to speak to one such individual, due to the nature of threats made against my home ‘Gay Capri,’ a few days before. (Someone said something to a friend of a friend, you know the sort of thing.) In my book if you do something wrong, be a man and admit it; no such luck. The excesses of the day were beginning to cloud my judgement, happiness turned to strife. In order to defuse a rather tense situation and hopefully get my combatant to see sense on a number of different issues, I debated candidly over the phone, all the while my arch nemesis was taking my honesty as reason to gossip. With me and Lee at loggerheads, me screaming down the phone, she does what she does best and dug the knife a little deeper. Rumours abound, comments made, she rattled my old bones.

Back on the sunny side of the City, Gay Capri was dealing with more pressing matters. Christmas festivities were getting jiggy. The arrival of my other gay daughter Jamie and pregnant mother to be Kirsty, Jay and Natalee, brought a particular eccentricity to the festivities. Kirsty was in a bit of a mood, eating Twiglets by the bucket load, badly in need of cheering up, Jamie was his usual vacant self and Jay wanted to be centre of attention, as was usual on these occasions. Once again my expensive, extensive, couture wig and designer outfit collection was raided and the family looked radiant that Christmas weekend. Our Natalee bought some more memorable items from her revealing collection of themed costumes and Jamie took an instant shine to them all. The next few hours were rather a blur; a house full of madness wrapped up in sparkling dresses, dazzling jewels and plenty of slap!

We dressed for Baby Georges pram/trolley, multifunctional tartan vehicle, test drive, how stunning we looked. Jamie had his 1970s retro bakelite rotary phone in case of emergencies and a bag full of supplies, in case we got lost. Suitably attired, We headed towards The Avenue to wave at the cars on this fare Christmas eve. Due to the stunning nature of our looks and style, a strange man, almost aggressive in nature, disguised in a real fur hat and big glasses flashed his lens at us all the way there and back. To our surprise we later discovered the man in question was Jay, capturing the moment for his album of people he'd most like to shag....Beautiful we were!

I also spent time with dear old friends Dale, SJ and Claire on New Years Eve, having the best time ever. I hadn’t grinned so much in years, smiles so big, it warmed my heart. Laughter, drama and feelings of comfort and joy; It really was great to see people happy, surrounded by friends and loved ones. This would be the last time, we would all be together as a truly united gay family; a time of healing, comradeship and being who we wanted to be.

Many things happened there after, too many to recall today. Gossip and rumour, bitching and humour, fun, frolics, seasons greetings and traditional salutations. Text messages received in close succession, difficult to read, magnifying sheet in hand, squinting with determination, I did my best to see the screen. A swirling mess, who had indulged a little too much, finally relaxed after such a difficult year!

My concerns for the wellbeing of my friends, our reputation and dignity, were well voiced that Christmas. As the weeks rolled on the language of discontent got louder and louder as those, so bitter tried to destroy our character. Suffering with depression, at the time on medication, I was able to see past the charade and deal with the muddle and confusion. It’s not until you spend time with like minded individuals that you finally realise your place in the World, see past the platitudes and form opinions based on mutual understanding, supported by those close.

Getting people to finally see the truth is hard, especially at Christmas; most don't listen; even intelligent people with a head on their shoulders. Christmas 2014 remains the last ‘Gay Christmas’ I ever had, surrounded by friends and foes alike, Since then I have grown a lot and wouldn’t even consider entertaining anyone I didn’t like or feel comfortable with anymore. Gay people can be overly dramatic, full of their own self importance and lack the empathy most rational individuals have. I had some fantastic Christmases, spent with some truly wonderful friends over the years, but none so uplifting, strange and noteworthy as 2014, remembered with fondness because of its impact on my life today!

Four years later I am surrounded my family and friends, celebrating in a more conventional way. There wont be any dressing up, endless partying for days, shouting and screaming, lies and scandal. The memories this year will mark the beginning of a new chapter in my life, so different than before, a different kind of magic where less is most certainly more.