Thoughts on Sunday - Things To Say!

I was up bright and early this morning, waking at 7am; last night was Darrell's first at the airport. For the next month, before we move to Puerto Marino, Darrell has decided to work the night shift, which makes it easier for both him and I, travelling to work. I didn't sleep too well at all, I never do when Darrell isn't here; at least the cats were there to keep me company. When I went down stairs this morning, Darrell was already home and seemed to have had a good night. I know from previous experience how difficult working nights can be; I hated working them myself.

I am beginning to look forward to moving at the end of November and continue to pack boxes everyday. I certainly don't want a last minute rush, on the day we move, preferring to organise a few boxes each day. At least this time, unlike when we moved from Capri, in Southampton, the load will be lighter, I am streamlining our life more and more each day, not wanting so much baggage to carry around. When I moved from Capri, it was therapeutic clearing out my memories after so long, being left with only the bare essentials.

Yesterday I heard from a friend back in the UK, someone I haven't spoken to in a while. It is always good to make contact with those close. I am surprised, hearing from those I haven't corresponded with in a while, friendships born from difficulty and lost in the same way; it seems that time is indeed a great healer. Previously, I was a rather difficult individual, my views of friendships were very different to those of others. Today I prefer to keep people at a distance; the relationships I have had in the past have only served to cause me more problems. When forming new bonds, I am very careful who I trust; during my first year in Spain, I was still making mistakes, unguarded and unsuspecting of others motives. The time for giving everything and receiving nothing is well and truly over. The only people I care about is myself and my partner, as it should be. Nevertheless it was heartwarming to receive greetings from bygone times and an apology for the treatment given towards myself and Darrell, not that long ago. Whilst an apology is welcome, it changes very little. My life has moved on, I am not looking backwards, towards darker times.

These words seem a little bitter don't they? Well I have gone through more than most in my life; having to move abroad because of a sociopath, is not something all of us will have to endure; the whole experience has changed me, not necessary for the better. I have become far more emotionless now, not letting anyone or anything get in the way of my new life. I do miss Britain, family and friends everyday, but do remember, I had no choice but to move here, unlike others who have emigrated to this part of Spain.

I have had a lot of thoughts about home recently, which maybe has something to do with the time of year. I love the colours and smells of autumn during the run up to Christmas, it was always my favourite time of year. It wasn't unusual for me to have my Christmas tree up by now, helped by those around me, somewhat of a tradition. I do miss the people I knew, not the Country I left behind. I am lucky enough to receive visitors here in Spain often, especially during the summer months, but it isn't the same as having friends in and out of ones home on a daily basis, Capri was always a busy place, guests coming and going frequently; Spain is very different, but I am grateful for that. This is a time for reflection, reassessing ones life and deciding ones own destiny, not having others decide it for me. Britain will always be there, friends likewise, when the time is right, when I am feeling able, I will return to the UK and finally lay to rest the ghosts of the past!