Suicide!

Whether this is an appropriate blog entry so soon after the  death of TV presenter Caroline Flack, is a matter of opinion. For me, this is entirely congruous, especially at this time. Turning on ones television set this morning, one couldn't escape the news that Ms Flack, the former host of 'Love Island,' had killed herself as a result of a sustained media campaign to bully and intimidate her because of her involvement in an alleged attack against her then boyfriend Lewis Burton. The circumstances of  the incident were fiercely contested by both parties involved, but however, used by the media, especially the British tabloid press, as a catalyst for some truly heinous and provocative headlines. The abuse and mistreatment Caroline endured was most certainly the beginning of the end for the talented television presenter; her untimely death, a reminder of bullying that anyone of us could suffer at any time.

Suicide has played a prominent role in my life I'm sad to say, not in the literal sense, but as an onlooker from the sidelines. I witnessed many young friends take their own lives, because  of the turmoil of growing up homosexual at an age when we had no rights as a community. Coming to terms with who we are was a big deal for most us and so many other gay people from my generation.

Psychological and mental health issues were common place amongst my peers. Discovering I was gay was not the liberating experience it is today. I myself suffered trauma and bullying for many years, just because of my sexuality and have contemplated and attempted suicide, because of the negative circumstances I found myself in.  Suicide is a deeply personal experience and no one can describe the pain and deep sense of loss and foreboding you go through as a person. Suicide is not an act you consider or carry out lightly, it is a final call for help and a much-needed release from demons you can no longer control.

When Caroline Flack decided to take her own life, she would have been at her lowest ebb and unable to control emotions that she had kept in check for too long. The pressure and attacks she suffered during her final few days and her subsequent death, show just what bullying can do to someone. This was another death where the media had blood on their hands, like so many before. A high profile celebrity if you like, who could no longer cope with the lies and mistruths that were touted as accurate portrayals; nothing could have been further from the truth!

I am sure I will be criticised for writing about the death of a celebrity, whilst commenting on my own experiences, but it is important to express a view freely on controversial subjects that wouldn't otherwise be brought to the attention of the public. Suicide is rarely discussed and the reasons behind it are often covered up and hidden away. Just as I would sit around a breakfast table with my family as a young boy and discuss the daily headlines in the newspaper, so I will communicate my opinion on difficult, uncomfortable topics today. The death of Caroline Flack has highlighted subjects that wouldn't otherwise be talked about and it is the duty of a writer to bring those subjects to the attention of their readers, as I have done in this entry. The stark reality of death has conjured up some uncomfortable memories for me and my family and I feel compelled to write about them, while this talking point remains fresh in my mind.

Nothing can explain just how angry I felt this morning when I heard about the death of Caroline. I didn't know her or even watch any of her shows, but her struggle became a source of personal angst, as I remembered just what had transpired in my life. The bullying I suffered at the hands of others, ending with my time at Oxfam is very much at the forefront of my thoughts once again. The death of a celebrity has reopened some old wounds, recollections I thought were laid to rest but clearly were not.

All of us should mourn the passing Caroline Flack, whether we knew her or not. Another life has been lost to suicide. The reasons why someone chooses to take their own life are complex and unique to each individual concerned. As people, we should all understand the signs that lead  to such despair and do all we can to help and understand before passing judgement. Caroline's story is not an isolated one, learning why suicides occur is an important first step in recognising the stigma that surrounds this subject. More lives will be saved if only we took the time to listen!