Suffering!

I always reply personally, about subjects ranging from Bipolar and living with cycling, self monitoring of the illness and also about my new life in Spain, offering advice on how to navigate the system here.  I also receive emails about 'Sociopathy!' I find these messages heart wrenching and at times difficult to respond to.  Having gone through my own experiences with Sociopathic behaviour, not a significant time ago. Answering calls for help from those suffering similar occurences today, can be  all too raw for me. Sometimes one email pops up and really pulls at the heart strings. I had one such communication yesterday.

Jane had contacted me, she was somewhat distressed about her current situation. She is the subject of constant bullying, harassment and intimidation.  By all accounts, Jane is very able and highly intelligent, which seems to be part of the problem.  To cut a long story short, Jane is at her wits end and no longer knows what to do.  I often get these kind of emails and occasionally, like today I will publish a public reply.  I obviously can't broadcast all replies, I just don't have the time.  Today this is about Jane and what she is experiencing.

Jane, Sociopathy is very real.  The twisted behaviour of an immoral individual, using the lives of others as a game, personal entertainment  or as a means to destroy them, is abhorrent. These people have no conscience, so appealing to their better nature is a worthless exercise.  

I discovered I had been the victim of a Sociopath in April 2015.  The process of 'knowing' the truth, was a long one, There were many individuals involved.  The approach they used was a softly, softly one, gradually leaking information to me, about the reasons, why I was in the position I was. Of course working for a large charity, made this release of information even harder.  They had a reputation to think about and I was expendable, as bad as that seems.

Shady figures, claiming to be people, there to help, were used to inform me of just what had ensued.  They personally never used the word Sociopath, they couldn't. Admitting that you have a Sociopath working for you, in a position of power, in charge of vulnerable people, would be a death warrant for those in the know.  The only way I discovered the truth, was by speaking to organisations who could help.  Jane, if you refer to the links section, on my blog 'Bipolarcoaster', you will find a list of groups who can help you.  I was also informed by a work colleague, what was going on, in a round about sort of way.  Working for Oxfam, speaking in code, cryptic language, never fully admitting the truth, to me at least. This creates a lot of self dobt in you as a person. Denial, betrayal and leaving one to fend for one's self, abandoned and in most cases alone, leave people like you and I in a constant state of flux, unable to comprehend what is happening.

You speak in your email, about feelings of guilt, for allowing this behaviour to continue towards you.  You spoke so powerfully about everything being your fault. These are all perfectly normal reactions to what is going on.  A Sociopath, wants you to believe that you are at fault, it validates them for who they are.  

I asked you to send me a CV, which I received this morning.  As I have mentioned, at the beginning of this entry, you are an extremely bright and able young lady.  It does seem from what you have written to me, that your superior has and continues to use your skills to their advantage and credit.  You are in reality a threat to her and she knows that.  She will continue to use you for her own ends, then, as happened with myself and my partner, dispose of you in whatever way she thinks fit.  Sociopaths are game players.  I am well aware of them these days.  The word, their actions and crimes are well ingrained in my psychy.  When I look back at the story of my life, I can see that these type of people are scattered throughout my life, right up until the day I left for Spain.  Sociopaths are attracted to you and I for who we are.  We are good, have maorals and a conscience, they do not.  You are not to blame for anything that is going on Jane!

In the final paragraph of your message, you ask me, what you should do.  Let me first tell you, what I did, which I have since discovered, is the wrong thing to do.  When I discovered who and what my boss was, I was distraght.  Quickly this emotion turned to anger, as I felt determined to stop this woman in her tracks.  I was going to fight her and win.  I had a plan of exposing her to Head Office, the Board of Trustees.  I would beat her at her own game, fight fire with fire if you like and I would get her arrested, for her actions.  The organisation I worked for, Oxfam, would help me right? Wrong! Nothing could be further from the truth.

Oxfam would never help to expose a Sociopath, within their ranks.  Their reputation was far too important to risk exposure,  So I could expect no help from them.  In all probability, those who needed to know about her, almost certainly did already.  If I had written to the Board of Trustees, they would have closed ranks.  Finally fighting her, was doomed to failure.  You can never beat a Sociopath.  They are extremely clever, powerful people and will always win.

The only advice I can give you Jane is this.  The same counsel I was given, at the very beginning, when I discovered who she was.  You need to remove yourself from the situation you are in.  Stop all contact with her and leave your current job.  She is a Sociopath and needs you, to continue playing her game, without you there, all of this pain will eventually go away.  You can not beat this person.  How can you win against someone with no conscience.

I eventually saw the reality of my situation, but not before a lot of damage to my health, my partners and our well-being had been caused.  We should have left a long time before we actually did.  The legal advice we were initially given, was to leave, go away as far as you can, don't look back and in my case, to forget the last five years of my life, that's how bad it was.  Instead of taking that guidance, I did the opposite, stayed and fought and lost through lack of support from Oxfam, who are covering up her existance. I was told, however, to return one day, when it is right to give evidence against her.  At no stage was there any thought given to me or my partner.  This was just about Oxfam and the people at the top!

​Sociopathy is wicked, evil, criminal and can never be cured as an illness.  This shows you, that you can not defeat it, so for your own health and state of mind, while you can, get out and start a new life.  Everything begins to change thereafter; life finally becomes better.  I am still living the repercussions of what transpired in my life, because I refused to head advice.

Best regards to you Jane