Strength!

I had an email yesterday, in connection with one of my other blogs, written over a year ago.  I often get messages from people, explaining how much they can relate to what I went through and how my words are helping them come to terms with many different issues in their life.  The one word that keeps cropping up, time and time again is strength.  I must have a lot of strength to overcome what happened to me or where did you find the strength to carry on?  Today this blog entry is for Susan, who is going through a tough time at the moment.  Susan is being bullied at work and her cries for help are being ignored, not only by her superiors but also her colleagues, who are worried about losing their jobs if they speak up.  In many ways Susan is going through a similar experience to me.  She is single, and sadly does not have the support of a partner.

As my partner, Darrell was a great source of strength for me at the beginning, when I discovered that I was not only the subject of bullying, but also far worse.  To be honest Susan, when you first realise what others are doing to you there is very little you can do.  The shock of knowing, usually turns oneself inwards, as happened to me.  I did not want to talk to anyone about what was happening.  Part of the problem here, is the inability to feel we are the victim.  I remember thinking, it must be my fault this is happening, so I will just continue to live with it.  For me, I truly thought I deserved what was going on.  Bullying makes us vulnerable and susceptible to suggestion.  The suggestion that I was responsible for what was happening perpetuated by the bully was accepted by me fully.  The bully in my case was my boss and colleagues, who at the time were clearly working with each other to try and remove me from work.

The first course of action in these circumstances, is finding just enough strength within yourself Susan, to at least speak out.  Go  above your Managers head.  Speak to someone you can trust and confide in.  If you have a trusted friend, or someone you feel comfortable conversing with, then talk to them.  Being able to express how you are feeling is important.  Closing up, becoming inward looking and feeling isolated is only going to make the problem worse.  The first step is always the hardest.  Once you offload your emotions, it will feel like a great weight has been lifted.

Of course my situation got gradually worse over time.  My pleas for help went un-noticed.  The more I asked for help, the further away, those who could have made a difference were.  Walls came up and in reality I was very much alone.  My saving grace was the huge network of friends and the support I had from various help groups and charities.  Combined, these really got me through, what was to be the most difficult year of my life. There are organisations who can help you, even if you do feel alone. Check the links on my two other websites, where you will find a variety of good and trusting people to help you!

For months I had very little energy and strength left, to deal with the horrendous situation that I was faced with.  I was as weak as I ever had been, and other people, who I regarded as friends were also taken advantage of my weakened state.  This is common in a lot of bullying cases and yes Susan, it does make the situation worse. My story is not a common case, and as time progressed I became fully aware of that.  My vulnerability became my prison in the end.  I felt there was no way out of this worsening situation.  Wherever I turned, more obstacles just seemed to appear and I sank into a deeper, deeper depression, with dreadful consequences.  The people at that time, who claimed to be my friends, were actually not.  The advice they were giving, was making my situation worse.

My strength came from weakness.  I remember laying in bed one day.  I was tired and exhausted.  I was fighting on all fronts and couldn't take much more.  I was on my laptop, researching what was happening to me, when I came across a phone number of a charity, who could help.  Obviously, because the charity I worked for, were the ones bullying me, I was extremely weary of another charity, who could quite frankly be the same, but I took the chance.  I picked up the phone and rang them.  It was the best decision I ever made.  I no longer felt isolated.  I had a number of meetings with a wonderful lady called Liz, who listened intently to every word I spoke.  She believed what was happening to me, had heard it a million times before and would do all she could to help!

With the support of Liz, my partner and husband, good and true friends, as well as family I got through this worse time in my life.  Without them it would  not have been possible.  Today I am stronger than I ever have been before.  I am now, over a year later, able to deal with the consequences of what happened to me.  The crimes committed against me were so great, myself and my partner left the Country to restart our shattered life. We didn't take that decision lightly.  It took a lot of soul searching and advice and this was the only course of action we could realistically take.  In your case Susan, you are only now starting to deal with what is occurring.  Speak to one of the helplines listed in my blogs and they will be able to guide you further.

Today I am happy, growing, recovering and rebuilding my life, with my partner and close friend Jamie.  We have made numerous new friends, too many to mention and life once again is great.  Don't get me wrong, times are hard, but the relief I now feel, being away from harmful people and influences is amazing.  You can feel that again one day Susan.  By speaking to me you have made that first step.  I will always be here, even though I live in Spain so contact me whenever you need to.

Spain, especially Gran Alacant has been the change of life I needed. This place and the people who live here have given much to me, without wanting anything in return.  This is home now, for the foreseeable future and that future looks good.  Good luck Susan, sending much love to you!