Stop Running!

Having experienced sociopathic behaviour in the past, I slowly became aware that going to Spain was not a solution to dealing with such anti social conduct. Moving to Gran Alacant was my partner Darrell's decision ultimately; I went along with his wishes, hoping we could start a fresh away from the difficulties of the past. I remained open minded and willing to do all I could to settle into Expat life. The reality is, both of us gave up on the idea of living in Spain, a long time ago, for a number of reasons, some a matter of economics, others concerning logistics and many more, complicated combinations of emotions and home truths; in a new series of blog entries, I want to discuss the pitfalls we encountered, living in Gran Alacant and the truth behind our departure. In today's entry I wanted to talk about people, the personalities we met, good and bad and how one such person made me finally decide to leave the Costa Blanca.

I have been back in Britain for over three months now and am finally enjoying life again. For the last year I haven't had the best of times. Most of those I met in Spain were fantastic in every sense of the word; local matriarch June, welcomed Darrell and I with open arms, helping us navigate the community in which we were now living; bar owners Brett and Lee always offered a word or two of support when needed and close friends Andy and Katie were always there, through good times and bad. The residents of GA were a joy to be around; we all shared some wonderful times together. Aunty Pam at Zest, a motherly figure, who was always available for a hug when needed; Gavin, the proprietor of Molly Malones who wanted both Darrell and I to stay, offered us far more than we could ever have hoped for and Lorraine and David, two customers from the bar I worked in, who became and remain close friends today. These were just a few of the wonderful characters we were close to, people we will dearly miss; there were however others, who I will remember for very different reasons. It would be wrong of me to mention names, so close after our departure, but it is appropriate that I at least say something, about the worse GA threw our way.

At the beginning of today's entry, I mentioned that dreaded word 'sociopath,' something I have a lot of experience of and a subject I write about often. Once you have been a victim of someone with 'Anti Social Personality Disorder,' the chances are you will be again. For some reason sociopaths and empaths like me are attracted to one another and in true form I met such an individual in Gran Alacant. At first I believed he was genuine, and a decent member of the local community; I even referred to him as a gentleman; falling for his charms. If I had been more focused and aware, I would have seen right through this charade being played out before my very eyes. For the first few months of our friendship, I was happy and content; It wasn't too long however before the cracks started to show and I began to understand, just who I was dealing with.

A sociopath seeks to control others; I felt the signs once more, only this time I wasn't taking any of it and resisted as much as I could. Paranoia, hate, lies and deceit were all part of the game and I became disillusioned and depressed at times, coping with childish, pedantic, dramatic and neurotic behaviour. For the most part, I just agreed, smiled sweetly and just got on with my life; in general it worked. I listened less and less to the unsubstantiated claims, brutal words and constant attacks against those who were in the firing line this week, including me. I had worked out how to wipe my mind of all negative thoughts and direct my attentions to more important tasks, not fantasies made up in the mind of a mad person.

After  a while dealing with such delusional reactions, to perfectly normal situations, you do become rather drained and it can takes its toll on your psyche. There were occasions I felt exasperation, defeated and worn out, but I wasn't going to let such a person destroy my sense of wellbeing again; in the main they didn't and I rose above what I was witnessing. Towards the end of my time in Spain, I was able to disregard the bitterness and decide my own destiny, not having someone else decide it for me and chose to return home. It was clear, the sociopathic mayhem I was running away from in the UK, existed everywhere, especially in a tiny Expat enclave on the Costa Blanca. Exploiting others who are less fortunate is just another example of someone with low moral fibre, falsely believing they are more important than the likes of me for example; it's only because I have been at the sharp end before that I was able to recognise the signs and get out when I did.

Today I am happy living with family once more, missing many I used to know in Spain. I chose to leave before yet another low life pushed me over a cliff. Thankfully he did me a favour and I am now home with my parents at a crucial time. If there was a moral to this story it is, stop running away from your problems, they will follow you wherever you go. Stand up to the bullies, walk away and stick two fingers up to their twisted sense of reality; Gran Alacant made me see the light and today I pride myself on what a good judge of character I am; Gran Alacant taught me more in three years than I learned in 47; for that I am truly grateful!