A few farewell drinks for a colleague, has brought back memories of a rebellious teenagehood and surviving in an ever-evolving World. So much has changed since that first cigarette aged thirteen, in the old pig sty, in the forest, at the end of Fareham Park Road; I can barely remember, why I began smoking in the first place. Whatever the reasons, it became such a big part of my life, that it will likely affect me until the day I die.

It's funny to think, that a small white stick, that I believed to be an innocent tool to relieve anxiety, was in fact a highly addictive, poisonous vice, that I should have never taken up in the first place. Of course, I am the only person to blame for that; I was the one who started thirty-three years of smoking, and I was the only one who could stop it.

One of my biggest regrets in life, was starting to smoke in the first place, but without It, I wouldn't have met the people I did, socialised with confidence, and enjoyed the perceived freedom it gave me. That cigarette did initially represent my rebellious nature, and a desire to act in a way my parents disapproved of; in the end, however, it became a millstone, and a catalyst for the health anxiety I suffer with today.

​I do wish I had never started my love affair with the dreaded cancer stick, but I did — it is a part of who I am, and I can't change that. Like most things I did in life, I have no regrets; if I hadn't taken up smoking, I probably would have led a very different life. The lifestyle choices I made as I grew up, went to college and university, are a direct response to my love of smoking. Yes it was love at first puff and here began the story of my life.

First and foremost, I smoked to relieve the pressure of school, while I came to terms with my sexuality. At the time, the dreaded Section 28, prevented me from seeking help and advice, whilst coming to terms with my emerging homosexuality, and anything that helped me relax was welcome. Cigarettes allowed me to take my mind off a highly stressful period, dominated by the AIDS epidemic and my own fears for the future.

From dance clubs in the 90s, after parties with new friends, long smoke filled flights with my partner to Australia (Well it was the 90s), cigarettes were there in my man bag, as a crutch to get me through the trauma of life. Despite the health implications, that I became aware of, the older I got, I continued to smoke more cigarettes, up to eighty a day at one stage. At thirty years old, I was a walking heart attack and I longed for the day, I could finally stub out my last fag.

Well to cut a long story short, today I am smoke-free since 2018, and will never again let another cigarette cross my lips. After thirty plus years of smoking, I know the damage I have caused, and the future implications of my actions, but for now, I am healthy enough and able to live a full life. My advice to anyone still smoking, is give up. Anything Governments can do to prevent people from smoking or vaping in the first place, is welcome. Eventually there needs to be a ban, so no one again has to suffer the pain of disease through smoking. Anything we can do to hurry that process along is welcome — rather than ignoring the facts around smoking related disease, we should educate ourselves, and finally, bin the fag once and for all; it's the right thing to do!
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