Looking for Inspiration!

It's been a week since Precious died; a week I would rather forget. Obviously, I am still missing my cat of twelve years, as is Lily, who I have spent the last seven days looking after. I am finding it much easier to deal with now, although Lily is still finding it hard, constantly on edge, looking round the house for her friend. On top of this loss, I have also been very ill, flu in the main, a product of being run down.  Today i have been left with a chest infection.

I haven't left the house in over a week now, since Darrell flew out of Spain. I don't mind telling you, how stir crazy I feel.  A little over a week ago, I was happy enough, surrounded by friends, today I am sat here on my own.  I don't have a problem, spending time on myself and enjoy my own company from time to time, but as is the story of my life, there is never a happy medium, a middle ground! So a period on my todd it is, so be it!

I don't cope well when Darrell leaves Spain, which isn't great for my state of mind and actually makes me want to turn my back on this God damn Country. Every day that goes by in this place, just pushes me towards the door marked 'Salida'. I don't want to go into detail about why, but I am missing home now, the life I had, stability, friendships and the future. Maybe I didn't appreciate Britain, enough when I lived there, but after the year I have had in Spain, I certainly would appreciate it now.

It is true, my feelings for Spain go up and down negatively and positively all the time, depending on where I am emotionally at any given point. I can't fault Gran Alacant and the people who live here, they have been nothing but open and welcoming. What I am not enjoying is the lack of freedom I have here, compared to the UK.  I dislike relying on anyone, yet have had to rely more on people in Spain, than I ever have anywhere else. I really, just want my independence and life back; something I currently don't have.

Yes I am still down in the dumps and at a low ebb; I need to write about how I am feeling, everyday if I have to; it helps comes to terms with the difficulties I face. There are those people out there, who would say, 'buck your ideas up and just get on with it!' To them, I would say.....Live a day in my shoes, then utter those words again. Your life is nothing like mine; I was forced into the situation and in the main, have had a harder time here than I ever had in the UK.

Of course my situation could change at any stage, I am very well aware of that, nevertheless this blog entry, has to reflect how I am feeling now, Today! I have been better, a lot better.

Well tomorrow is another day, lets hope for some positive news for a change, if not, I shall probably be writing more of the same, or nothing at all.  For now, I'll just keep my fingers crossed and keep hoping!

​Peace and love y'all!