Friendships

I wanted to talk today, about friendships.  Friends are the most important people in my life for many reasons. I am not as close to my family as I should be.  To be honest as a family, we have never really been united.  Something happened along the line and we all just drifted apart.  As readers of all my blogs know, I do not talk to my parents at all. The reasons for this are well known and sadly none of us have made an effort to change that situation.  Whether or not it will change in the future, nobody knows!  A lot more time needs to pass, before any bridges are rebuilt.  Time is a great healer as they say, and we certainly need a lot of it, in order to repair the damage caused!

So for most of my life, I have relied heavily on friends to fill the void, that my family left behind.  Rightly or wrongly, I have embraced that choice to the fall. Jamie is like a son to me and holds a very special place in my heart.  As you would, your own son or daughter, I would give the World, to see that he is okay.  He is a good lad and just needs a step up in life.  A little bit of help will go a long way to help him, achieve all his goals!

As one would expect, we have had a lot of friends in our life over our twenty years together.  Most of them have drifted in and out of our circle, quickly, it has to be said. People who are there one minute and gone the next.  In fact, I suppose I shouldn't even call them friends, because they never really were.  There is a brief moment, when you feel you are close, but soon realise you are nothing but!

Others hang around that much longer.  These people are the manipulators, the ones I have never been able to quite work out.  Oh they come across quite genuine at the beginning, extending the hand of friendship, but these people are false.  The closer you get, the more you recognise the signs of exploitation.  Darrell and I have met many people like this.  Even up to the day we left the UK, certain individuals were still claiming to be members of our close network, who would never let us down, but as I know now,  nothing could be further from the truth!

When I look back at the above photograph, taken at our Wedding in September 2015, I can, even that short time ago, safely say, that a quarter of the people there, should probably not have been.  They were never friends in the real sense of the word.  They were opportunists, Machiavellian and contriving.  These people were part of a long term problem in our life.  They were part of the reason we left for Spain in the first place.  Shrewd, amoral and underhanded, this was the real face behind the facade of alliance.  They were out for what they could get and when it didn't materialise, their true, unscrupulous selves shone through.  Luckily they are in the past and one day they will very much get what they deserve!

I am trying to do things differently this time.  I always said after what happened, I would never have close friends again.  I had all the close friends I could possibly need and there was no room for anymore or no possibility, of making the same mistakes again.  From now on, I would be looking out for me and my nearest and dearest, only.  In a way there was a slight tinge of bitterness, but also a realisation, that maybe I was not cut out to see through others deception and really should just concentrate on those friendships I already had, after all they had more than proven who they were and the bonds we now had, were strong enough to endure the test of time.  Why even bother with anyone else, the consequences could be horrendous!

​This outlook has changed dramatically.  A few weeks after living in Spain, Jamie received a vicious message from  someone we thought was close.  He admitted how he had used all of us and was only out for what he could get.  I had let this person back into my life twice and did actually hold him in high regard, so comprehending what he was really like was hard, but lasted only briefly. I suppose I knew deep down what he was actually like, I just always denied my own perception and the voice of warning in my head!

I can go through life, staying bitter and angry, but then that would mean that person and others like him would have won.  I can't go through life, avoiding every person who may come my way, because of bad memories.  The best way to beat these people, is to move forwards, live my life better than theirs and don´t let them achieve their goal of destruction towards me and others like me.  I am open to all forms of friendships again, but this time, I am taking advice from others.  Others who are  a far better judge of character than I, and to be honest, the people in Gran Alacant, are great at offering guidance, but not everyone, gives the correct information, that is clear.  

​After three months in Gran Alacant, we have met quite a few people.  Most of those we have spoken to have been genuine in my eyes, though even me, the worst judge of character, has seen through a few of the less savoury residents.  I have also been warned about others to avoid or told to just keep my distance from the residue.  I suppose this has to be one of the most close knit places I have ever lived, with objectionable and good people voicing their opinions loud. This is not to say I hate it here, far from it.  I love this place with all my heart,  because those we have met, who are good and genuine, are the most rewarding group I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.

There are good and bad eggs in every community.  You are never going to live somewhere, completely isolated from the worst life can throw your way.  Although a lot of chatter exists in GA, it doesn't make it a bad place.  This is the best place I have ever lived  and I enjoy everything about it, especially the people, both expat and otherwise.  Everyone here are a welcome break from those we knew in Southampton, who were grotesquely bad for us.  I have many good friends still there, and when you move away, you do finally find out who your true friends are.  I have lost a few, already and I expect to loose more in the future.

The future is the key!  In time I will forget most of those I knew and disliked in The UK. Even the behaviour of those who I worked with, in authority, who abused their power, will be forgotten.  Memories do fade and that will finally allow me to lay to rest the cretins of the past!  Theses people are and will always be dreadful individuals, but that should never stop me from establishing new friendships.  I have learned a great deal from what happened in my life and from those who influenced its direction.  I intend to re-establish those friendships in Britain, that should never have suffered.  I also intend to remain open and receptive to new understandings in Spain.  If I didn't, then my life would be all the poorer.  Learning from what happened and how to recognise abhorrent people, is also something I need to be more aware of.  It will help me establish my new life, in a positive way!

To all those, who are still in my life, thanks for being there.  To all those I have just met in Spain, thanks for being a part of my life, I look forward to many years of continued consonances!

​Peace and love, always!