Despite The Challenges....

Yesterday I went to visit my friend Mr F as promised. She has left the Hospital and was at home, feeling philosophical about her diagnosis. We have been friends for a little over a year now, and I have got to know her quite well. She always has a smile on her face and is full of positivity, despite the challenges she faces on a daily basis. Her Cancer diagnosis has undoubtably changed her outlook on life, but it has also given her an opportunity to talk to people in a way she hasn't before.

Mrs F has asked me to help her over the next few months; she wants to write letters to family and friends, expressing how she feels about them and the role they have played in her life. She has spoken extensively about the people she holds dear, but is finding it difficult to express herself in words. Mrs F is beginning a process most of us will have to embrace at some point in our lives. She is putting her life in order and saying her last goodbyes, in the best way she can.

I spent an hour listening to this dear lady talk about her life, the trials and tribulations she endured, her hopes and fears for the future, her recollections of happier times and her regrets, disappointments and anguish. There were some tears of course, but mainly this was an opportunity for Mrs F to tell her story and have someone listen to her words.

I took notes and have started to write the letters on her behalf. To many, composing farewell messages for someone else, may seem a bit strange, but this is the way she wants to say farewell and most importantly, it gives her the chance to talk about her life, to someone who doesn't really know the details. I am able to listen, understand and not judge, equally I can be a sounding board and a friend; this is particularly fundamental for Mrs F at this time.

I have the feeling she feels comfortable with this process in my company, and I'm not so sure whether she would find it as easier around people who are close. Sometimes the person looking in, can be a catalyst for recalling events, that others might dismiss as irrelevant or unimportant. I understand what is crucial for Mrs F now - the support of friends on her final journey and  I will do what I can as an outsider, to be there to listen and help at this difficult time. I hope her final months will be congenial, as she thinks about events and circumstances that have contributed to the life she has led, leaving an indelible impression on all those who know her!