Bullying!

I wanted to speak about bullying today, after I saw this online article, about a young lad in Wales, who was attacked getting off a bus.  He was taken to hospital with a suspected broken jaw.  I was horrified by the pictures, and was in two minds as to whether it should have been published at all.

To be honest, after thinking about the whole business of bullying again, last night, I understood completely why these photo's were released with the families permission. I personally have written about my experiences with bullying before, on many different occasions, It is a subject very close to my heart and something I will always campaign against.  The damage caused by such behaviour lasts a life time and in the case of this poor boy, he will probably have to undergo counselling to recover fully from this attack.

My latest confrontation with bullying, came at Oxfam GB.  As a victim, my abuse carried on for a number of years.  The mistreatment I received, as my Manager sought to disparage me, was subtle, carried out over a long period of time; she was a person who was very accustomed to oppressing others.  She was good at what she did, covering her tracks, hiding who she was, often accusing those, who were victims, of being the perpetrators.  A bully is an arch manipulator and as a casualty in their game, I often felt that what had happened was my fault.  This is a natural reaction; only through talking to others, who understand the issues at play, can you fully understand, what has happened.

Bullying often starts at school.  A bully is often a victim themselves, somewhere along the line.  They learn traits from those who intend to cause harm to others.  When confronted, a bully will testify to the abuse he or she has endured, often over many years, from families or peers.  A bully is indeed a victim of circumstances themselves and also needs time and careful management to overcome the stigma of who they are or what they have done.

At school, I was bullied, not dramatically, as in the case of the young boy above, but enough to cause long term effects.  I didn't enjoy my time at school at all.  I will always be of the opinion, that if I had been in a better, more academic environment, away from certain elements, I would have done much better, educationally wise, achieving all I wanted to.  Of course there were other friends who done remarkably well, as I see on facebook every day; fantastic lives and careers, families and futures!  I did have the same opportunities as those I am talking about, but I was also dealing with issues of sexuality and bullying, which compounded my feelings of despair, at times!

As a victim, when school is  at an end, you  finally evolve, as the adolescent, you were meant  to be.  Once again, this impacts your life negatively. While you are out being a rebellious teenager, your peers are out forging new lives and careers. Sadly for me at least, my school years sealed my fate for a lifetime, that's how long the pain of bullying lasts.

As my readers are aware, I have also done some charity work in the past, with 'Action for Children', one of the best experiences of my life.  The traumatic stories of abuse carried out against children, by their tormentors and abusers, is at times difficult to comprehend. The training I undertook, to become an Advocate and Mentor, although extremely painful, was worth all my time, after all it was nothing compared to what those poor kids went through in their lives.  Not only was I dealing with the results of ill-treatment towards minors, but I also had contact with those who carried out crimes; yes children who had hurt others, in some cases, committing murder.  All of these children had one thing in common, they had at one stage or another, also suffered at the hands of inauspicious individuals both mentally and physically.  Bullying is a vicious cycle and needs to be broken, in order to try and stop these destructive traits and influences.

So what can we do as people to stop bullying? Can we break the cycle involved?

There is no easy answer, in dealing with bullies and the effects of bullying; it is not symptomatic of one particular class, it permeates throughout society.  It is a scourge, that has left many people, like myself by the wayside, thrown to the curb as those dealing with the aftermath, don't know how to pick up the pieces. You have to change a bully, very early on in life.  characteristics are initially learned through parents and families; this is where the change needs to occur.  If there is a problem child, then schools and local authorities, need to work closely with  parents to change attitudes. A child knows no better, learning and absorbing information; whether that conduct is good or bad.  Schools should include lessons on dealing with  bullying, victimisation and harassment, so children can recognise the signs, seeking help from a school counsellor or trusted individual, if necessary.  Above all a child must be made aware, that subjecting others to degrading actions is wrong and will not be tolerated.  Early intervention is crucial.

There is also much we can do as individuals to stop bullying.  If I see someone suffering abuse or any form of mistreatment, I will generally, always get involved; part of my own set of morals, kicks in.  That isn't to say everyone should, it really depends on the volatility of the situation.  What I do firmly believe, is if you see vitriol, wherever it is, you either confront the perpetrator, or report them to someone in authority.  If left unchecked, bullying will become a lifetime curse, a nemesis to be carried around with us.

I will leave some links below; those you can contact, if you are a victim of abuse of any kind.  Please also join my campaign to expose those at OXFAM, who continue to protect employees that have committed licentious acts against staff and volunteers. They  need to be removed from their positions! You can click on the link at the top of this post, or those below. None of us should tolerate bullying, all of us should do what we can to change society and work towards a better future for our children, so they don't have to deal with the issues we had to, as victims!