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Asian Adventure - Anxiety, 2 May 2019
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Today my Aunt went to Halong bay, where I was supposed to join her - I bottled it! I started to feel rather anxious last night, when I returned to the hotel after dinner. My head didn't feel right and I just couldn't be confined on a boat feeling the way I did. At times anxiety can be a real bitch, but I have been living with it for a long time and sometimes just have to make the best of a bad situation.
I have stayed in my hotel room, feeling like crap, winding myself up about residing in a skyscraper, on the next leg of our tour of the far east in Hong Kong and researching escape routes should I have a panic attack, which is quite likely the way I am at the moment. I hate how anxiety can overtake your life; dealing with it can be hard. On occasion I can get myself in some terrible states and today is one of those days. I feel like I have reached a critical juncture and am panicking all the time. Of course this isn't an everyday occurrence for me, it is just fleeting moments of trepidation that I have to try and control.
This will probably be one of the last times I travel to this part of the World and I am meeting my husband tomorrow, after seven months away from each other, yet I get strange sensations of alarm and horror overtaking my everyday thoughts. These are based on ridiculous notions that do not make any sense and are purely a figment of my imagination.
The big problem for me, holidaying in Asia is my fear of tall buildings or to give it its proper title batophobia, which has got gradually worse over the years. In the past I have holidayed in New York and Kuala Lumpur, both with towering awe inspiring buildings, which I did go up, even if it was reluctantly at times. I even climbed to the top of the tower in St Marks Square, Venice, in February, during extremely windy conditions, yet today, I can't even stand close to a tall high rise...Stupid isn't it?
My level of anxiety increased when I left my job in the charity sector at the end of 2015, which is understandable given the circumstances. My fears are always at the forefront of my mind and when I am in a situation that I can't control, like flying or staying in a large busy city, I do find it harder to cope. The emotions that manifest themselves during periods of stress are not real or normal in the tangible sense, but they are pretty genuine and authentic to me, at least at the time.
I love Asia and this part of the World, Vietnam is spectacular, but negativity can overtake my ability to relax and enjoy myself. My Aunt was more than happy to do the cruise alone today and she has met some wonderful characters, so my absence really didn't make a lot of difference. The only person who suffers on days like today is me and I miss out on what could have been a terrific experience; still what's done is done, there is nothing I can do or turn back the clock, so I just need to look forward to tomorrow when Darrell and I will be reunited...Onwards and upwards as they say!
I have stayed in my hotel room, feeling like crap, winding myself up about residing in a skyscraper, on the next leg of our tour of the far east in Hong Kong and researching escape routes should I have a panic attack, which is quite likely the way I am at the moment. I hate how anxiety can overtake your life; dealing with it can be hard. On occasion I can get myself in some terrible states and today is one of those days. I feel like I have reached a critical juncture and am panicking all the time. Of course this isn't an everyday occurrence for me, it is just fleeting moments of trepidation that I have to try and control.
This will probably be one of the last times I travel to this part of the World and I am meeting my husband tomorrow, after seven months away from each other, yet I get strange sensations of alarm and horror overtaking my everyday thoughts. These are based on ridiculous notions that do not make any sense and are purely a figment of my imagination.
The big problem for me, holidaying in Asia is my fear of tall buildings or to give it its proper title batophobia, which has got gradually worse over the years. In the past I have holidayed in New York and Kuala Lumpur, both with towering awe inspiring buildings, which I did go up, even if it was reluctantly at times. I even climbed to the top of the tower in St Marks Square, Venice, in February, during extremely windy conditions, yet today, I can't even stand close to a tall high rise...Stupid isn't it?
My level of anxiety increased when I left my job in the charity sector at the end of 2015, which is understandable given the circumstances. My fears are always at the forefront of my mind and when I am in a situation that I can't control, like flying or staying in a large busy city, I do find it harder to cope. The emotions that manifest themselves during periods of stress are not real or normal in the tangible sense, but they are pretty genuine and authentic to me, at least at the time.
I love Asia and this part of the World, Vietnam is spectacular, but negativity can overtake my ability to relax and enjoy myself. My Aunt was more than happy to do the cruise alone today and she has met some wonderful characters, so my absence really didn't make a lot of difference. The only person who suffers on days like today is me and I miss out on what could have been a terrific experience; still what's done is done, there is nothing I can do or turn back the clock, so I just need to look forward to tomorrow when Darrell and I will be reunited...Onwards and upwards as they say!
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