'Your dead Nan will pay a visit!'

Today I am blogging in bed.  I am really unsure about what to write about what happened yesterday.  When you have Bipolar, people will always read the worst into what you write, judge you and 90% of the time, think you are once again entering another period of instability.  What happened yesterday is the truth, as weird as it seems.  There are people around me most of the time now, so they can be witness to any 'insanity', that may or may not arise. It is a sad fact, that after the last two years, I now have the need to produce proof, for anything that may happen.  If I had to explain this one to my psychiatrist, she would be horrified.  It reminds me of The Princess Diana incident in 2004, which is another story.  

Here goes!  I was spending the afternoon with a large fury animal, Natalee in a onesie, with matching tail.  Even the cats were scared!  We were having a few beers and were looking for Military style suits for the wedding.  I received a message from someone I know in a professional capacity;  I have always had the utmost respect for her.  The message did not sound like her at all.  She asked if I was well enough to receive a message; yesterday was a great day.  I have turned a corner  and have been in a much better place for the last week, unsure about the reasons for the question, I said all was well.  An apology  was made right at the beginning, for contacting  me, but the lady who was with her, was doing her head in.

She told me, she was a Medium.  You must bear in mind, I had known her in a professional capacity for about seven years.  She had never told me this before, and probably never would have, except for her current circumstances.
'Vi???'
'She wants you to look closer within, to see what matters'
At this point, I did not understand her at all.  The conversations I have had with her in the past were just not comparable!
'She keeps showing me a pocket watch, saying time is all you need. Plus, the blue necklace doesn't go!, pearls please!'
By this time I was totally confused and asked her if she had taken drugs. It was gobbledygook!
'Nope no drugs! A beautiful lady called "Vi" be it violet or Vivian has been on my case for 3 weeks! Tell him tell him!!! Etc... She's laughing now; I know you know who she is??'
More confusion than ever, so I gave her a ring!

My Nan died a few years ago, she was 89, Liverpool Irish, Catholic, feisty, opinionated and in her youth a very glamorous Lady. She had great Christian faith and as a rule, would never believe in those who claimed to be contacted by the dead. Personally, I am agnostic, very spiritual and have seen several Mediums in my time. I have always had an open mind on such matters, but for some reason, I could not get my head around this. Maybe it was because I had known the person in a very different capacity and I could not marry this position with the role of a Medium. I have no idea!

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I spoke on the phone to her for about twenty minutes.  She explained that my Nan had been with her for about three weeks.  She described her perfectly, telling me the perfume she wore, through the smell, that she sensed.  She mentioned a diamond and sapphire necklace.  Wear the pearls, not the diamonds.  I have no idea what that means.  I have racked my brains, but to no avail.  To be honest I thought she was taking the piss by this point!

Your Nan will visit you tonight, but you have to want to see her.  She described what to do, and I would see her.  'She has a message.'  OK, I was freaked out by now.  If this had come from anyone else, I would say they were trying to put me back into a relapse situation.  This person has no reason to do that, no motive, nothing.  Everything she said would suggest my Nan was there.  When I went to bed last night I took a sedative, refused to believe and passed straight out!

I have seen a Medium in the past.  A Lady from Salisbury, called Terry Day.  She is a jewellery reader.  In the main she was spot on.  There were one or two questionable things, but that was nothing like this.  Yesterday there were specific things that were too close for comfort.  

My open mind, does not mean I believe everything I am told, far from it.  What it does mean is I am open to different ways of thinking, and I am willing to listen.  What should one do under these circumstances?  Something inside wants to believe it, but something keeps pulling me back.  When I had my Near Death Experience, I was completely shell shocked at what I saw. It changed my outlook on life, but to an extent you will always dismiss what you can't comprehend.  If one does not understand something, one will always block it out.

Bipolar is also a major stumbling block.  During my current relapse situation.  I am far more vulnerable, open to suggestion and unable to concentrate and compute information in the same way. People do take advantage of people with a mental illness.  Darrell has drummed this into my head before.  Darrell the biggest sceptic and judge of people I know.  This type of thing would have been dismissed out of hand, which is why I got him to phone the Medium.

When he got off the phone, he was as white as a sheet.  He said he truly believed my Nan was there, and he needed me to believe it.  He actually became the believer I became the sceptic.  I know I am of sound mind as I write this.  I know I do not have mania.  I have seen and heard things before that for me were very real, but  in reality I am accepting, were part of a damaging Bipolar cycle and did not happen, so my mind is confused on this whole episode.  As I lay here in bed, waiting for my Nan to turn up I feel a total sense of  bewilderment and puzzlement.  My mind has wandered away from my wedding to spiritual matters and that scares me.  I have been in similar situations before, not quite like this, but it has left me in a terrible state.  When my relapse happened, Jason became my carer and was told to protect me from harmful influences.  Is this harmful? Or is it really my Nan wanting to pass on an important message?  I have no answers.  Really I should switch back to reality, but at the moment I don't quite know what reality is any more!

Thank you to Jay Greaves and Natalee for their patience last night.  It was good to have laughter to detract from all this madness!  It helped loads!

Myself, my Grandad Eric and by Nanny Violet, probably taken in 1975. Always in my memories, love you both! x