The Measure Of Success!

After a rather strange conversation last night when I got in from work, I thought today was the perfect opportunity to talk about success and failure. In today’s blog entry I want to talk about measuring success; what represents a happy and positive life? After my online chat, it seems people have very different opinions when recording their sense of well-being and prosperity. As I sit writing today, I don’t mind admitting, I have very little money or security living in Spain, but I do have enough to get by. In Britain I was always trying to live up to other peoples expectations, doing the right thing, saving for my old age, making sure I was comfortable. Well anyone who knows me well enough, will understand my life has had many ups and downs, which prevented me from following a more traditional path. A same sex relationship with an Australian, moving from country to country, with conditions attached to your every move, was just one hurdle I had to overcome. My relationship was fraught with challenges, because of laws designed to inflict damage on our union. We had to fight a discriminatory system with archaic laws, public revulsion, homophobia and hate in order to stay as one. We fought harder than anyone else I know. Don’t look into my relationship and judge my journey, when you did not walk in the same shoes as I.

When I look at those around me, friends and family I am aware of how confused they may be about my general direction in life. After all these people are successful in their own right. They have fantastic careers, children, a nice home and money in the bank; I couldn’t be happier for them. I am however a little perturbed about their shallow materialistic outlook on life. How does one actually measure success? Is wealth and assets the only way we can prove our affluence? Or is their another way of calculating our self worth?

I certainly don’t have any assets; I have owned property in the past, but sold the three houses I had many years ago, preferring to live a carefree independent existence. Once I came off the ‘property ladder,’ it was very difficult to jump back on, so I chose not to! I was not fortunate enough to have the same level of support others had, so very much stood on my own two feet; struggling to survive at times; I also had other periods of success in equal measure. I have not had any close bonds for many years; I certainly don’t rely on others for anything and only have a small income. I am not, nor never will be, wealthy; I spent too much time concentrating on my relationship to consider becoming a millionaire; I am happy with that.

I would love the security of owning my own home, I just do not have the resources to do so, like many other people. Property costs are out of the reach of the majority of us these days. Saving for a deposit on a house and surviving each day, is not something I can achieve. I had to leave Britain under traumatic circumstances, giving up a career and home, restarting my life again; being able to afford to buy a home, just wasn’t a priority; recovery from adversity was. In truth Darrell and I are nearly free of the distress Oxfam caused. Once this current wrangle with them is over, we can fully move forwards, until then we have some fighting to do.

Measuring success is deeply personal to the individual concerned. I am lucky to be living in Spain, with the person I love; 23 years together, looking out over fantastic views, enjoying spectacular weather and surrounded by a supportive network of friends, both here and in Britain. Does this constitute success? Yes it most certainly does! When one considers where my life was, after eight years working for Oxfam, it is immeasurably better now; I couldn’t ask for more. In most peoples eyes, my current situation would not be ideal and they would probably consider themselves a failure. My positive outlook  ensures a happy demeanour, despite the obstacles we still have to overcome. On the day I left for Spain, I regarded my life to be a mess and unsalvageable, today I see it as an opportunity, infinitely better than it was.

No one has the right to judge someone else, especially when they don’t know them. By all means comment in a constructive way, but don’t assume we are all alike. I am certainly not you; I calculate my own personal success very differently. I don’t need oodles of money to be content; I would like a little more than I have, but I will survive without it. Yes I have made mistakes but I have learnt from them. I am not going to achieve everything I wanted in life, but for now, I am happy being who I am. I don’t lead a superficial life; I am not shallow, I don’t use or take from other people and I always give when I can, even if I have nothing. Most importantly I am in a rewarding, long lasting relationship, despite our trials and tribulations. How many of you can say that? For me these are the things, that measure success!

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