Reflections of a 90s Club Kid!

This week, I managed to talk to my old friend, Dom, back in The United Kingdom. Sadly, these days, we don't talk as often as we should, but it does make it all the more special when we do.

It's fantastic to see that some people just don't change, and Dommy is just the same as I've always known him. When you live so far away from friends, you do tend to value the times you catch up more and more. The fact is, I've become rather sentimental in my old age, and as today's video shows, I am reflecting on the past more and more; that is definitely a sign of aging, and appreciating the memories I made, getting to where I am today.

​In today's video, I am referencing a particularly memorable time in my life. In fact, I think it is safe to say, the most important period in my life so far. The years 1990–1995 were years of growth, self-discovery and finally coming to terms with my sexuality. This particular chapter really defined the person I am today, and despite coming of age at a time of great discrimination and inequality, I was grateful for the people who were a part of my life at the time. Without them, things would have been much tougher than then they already were. My naturally anxious disposition was kept at bay, through the influences of friends, who knew me more, than I probably knew myself.

In 1990, I was a respectable civil servant, responsible for planning a large area of London for the 1991 census, in my role as an Enumeration District Planner. This was a great job with amazing prospects for the future, but as I cautiously navigated my way in the world, I threw caution to the wind. I gave up my career, for a life, that even I couldn't have imagined. 

This was the age I discovered my sexuality and came out to close friends. My first boyfriend, in 1990, was a stepping stone to the life I lead, 35 years later. Initially hesitant, as I denied who I really was, I soon found kindred folk, other gay people just like me, as I returned to full-time education in Southampton.

I suppose I could say my life spiralled out of control at this point, as University life became one long party, where lectures, work, and knuckling down often took second place. Maybe if I had chosen a course that I was actually interested in, things would have been very different. However, I did what was expected of me, and not what I really wanted to do. The actor and writer that really pushed my buttons, were just too far out of reach. In my mind, I would never be good enough, so I gave up at the first hurdle.

​Despite my failings, which are many, I wouldn't change this period for the World. Not only did I discover the person inside me, I also met the most eclectic group of people I could have ever wished for. My network was vast and diverse, and I am lucky enough to still be in contact with many of these friends even today. That is testament to their welcoming nature, and an appreciation of the often chaotic times we all spent together, at a time of World change, and the birth of equal rights for all. 

This was five years that aged me out of all recognition, but for the right reasons. In my early twenties, I finally discovered what being gay was all about. I made so many mistakes along the way, hanging out with the wrong people, doing things I shouldn't and not working hard enough to succeed financially, but the experiences I had were worth every bad choice I made.

All of my strong, enduring relationships, were born between 1990-1995, this tumultuous, topsy-turvy five-year time frame, including my current marriage to husband Darrell in 1995. Had I done the right thing and continued my career in Her Majesties Civil Service, my life would have been very different today.  The disparity would have been stark, so much so, I may have even been married with kids, waiting for the day, I could finally come out, like so many I have known, and often criticised myself.

So no, I wasn't the success I planned to be, I battle more today than I ever have done, but my affluence is my encounters, exploits, adventures and endurances, culminating in the long, loving relationship I still enjoy. That's all that matters, that's everything I ever wanted — the money, fame, and fortune were nothing more than a superficial dream!

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