Marriage!

On 22 September 2015  Darrell and me intend to be married, on the same date we met, twenty years before.  At this time, a positive focus is a good thing; the twenty-year anniversary is important, it gives meaning to a day, which should above all, be full of personal significance.  So many people use Wedding Planners and have very little input into their own wedding; that is sad.  Every person there will have left, or are still leaving positive tangible marks in our life and many have suffered or battled in the same way we have.  Close bonds are formed through common experiences.  Many have been with us at difficult times and others have been with us from day one.  There will be family who matter, relations from abroad and friends from College. Sixty-three people, who enriched our relationship, sixty-three people who are important.

I have personally never been to a gay wedding.  I like the fact we can choose to have a very personal service; there are no set rules and it's success will be due to its informality and unique structure.  I have chosen two people to sit with me as family -  Sara and Nils.  These two people saved my life literally,  If it wasn't for them I would not be here today. My oldest and dearest friend, Nathan Tasker will be my Escort on the day; someone who cares deeply and is like a brother to me.  My Best Man, Jay Greaves is there because he is someone I deeply care about.  Someone I was told to distrust, yet a person who is the most trustworthy of people I have ever met.  He has been with us through some awful times and stopped the bad from trying to cause harm!

Marc Archer and Keith Harris - We have known these two for nearly twenty-five years. During the 1990s they had a drag act called the Tampettes.  They are reforming, for our wedding to entertain us and our guests; you can't get more personal than that. That will be a treasured memory, for many years to come. Natalee, the most important woman in our life, has arranged and is taking part in a Burlesque show.  A display of comedic, exotic dancing, that she is even training for.  An arrangement for the day with her friend Loretta Lebonk.

Mary Mac, who in my opinion the best Drag Artist in the world, will also be performing. When I saw her on stage, I instantly knew she was perfect for the day, she is extremely funny, has a great voice and kickbacks to be proud of, who could ask for more. The Reception will be at The London Hotel, in Southampton.  A long association with the local gay scene, it is part of mine and Darrell's gay heritage. Above all, the day will be Informal, intimate, deeply individual and a bit peculiar.

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Darrell and I have been here before, long before Gay Marriage was legal.  In 1998 we had a 'Rite of Blessing', given by a Church of England Vicar, at The Quaker Hall in London Road, Southampton.  

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A 'Rite of Blessing' has no legal standing in law.  It was the only way of showing commitment sixteen years ago for a Gay couple.  For us it was about pushing boundaries and fighting for equality, at a time when things were beginning to change. As Gay men we were just emerging from a deeply damaging and unequal time.  We had fought to change the law.  We were one of the first gay couples, with a foreign national partner, to be allowed to remain together, as a couple, after a change in the law by the new Labour Government.  We worked with Stonewall, Members of Parliament as well as local Councillors, just to remain in the Country we chose to live in.  It was a liberating time!

I'm not sure gay people have the same things to fight for any more.  Times are very different.  Gay people no longer campaign or fight, which is sad.  I was happy to grow up as gay, at a time of change for our community and even happier that our relationship was part of that pioneering era.  I have no idea what the next twenty years will bring, but whatever it is, we both aim  to be at the forefront!