Curiosity!

4/11/2018

I have never met such an eclectic bunch of characters, yet people think I am the distinctive one. I am of course referring to the locals who frequent the pub where I work. Last night I had another riotous, rip-roaring and stimulating evening in the company of the patrons of the Newcome Arms. I refer to them as patrons, but after working for this neighbourhood bar for six months, they have all become friends to differing degrees and I always look forward to working on a Wednesday and Saturday night! These are the evenings that give me escape from my problems and for just a few hours I can decamp into a World I know very little about. I am unfamiliar with the lives of those who live in and around Newcome Road, just as they know very little about me, my past and current set of circumstances. Nevertheless gradually, over the weeks I have become a regular fixture behind the bar, each of us becoming closer acquainted, than we were the week before.

When I started on my journey of discovery, working at the Newcome, no one who works or visits this back street pub new about my life or indeed my sexuality, I kept myself very much to myself and got on with my job. To be honest, these first few months felt awkward and I wasn't enjoying my time there. Gradually over the intervening weeks the locals became aware of my sexuality and although difficult at first, this quickly changed; it has actually become the topic of conversation, not in a derogatory way, but more of a curiosity that people have about sexuality in general. It is natural for people to be curious about others, so I have taken it in my stride and am enjoying the banter that surrounds my actually quite boring and mundane life.

People wrongly assume, that because one is gay, there is a secret, gregarious and colourful life behind a very ordinary facade, well nothing could be further from the truth. I am Married, in a long term relationship of twenty three years and lead a relatively normal existence, apart from my current set of rather complicated circumstances of course. However people like to ask questions and voice their opinions, about subjects close to my heart.

I have also led a rather interesting life, having lived in Australia and Spain and moved around the UK frequently, meeting new and wonderful people. I have done many of the things my parents generation wouldn't dream of undertaking, choosing a difficult path at times, but I have always remained true to who I am. The least scintillating aspect of my being is my sexuality, it is just a small part of who I am, yet it is the first and last part of my personality that people want to know about. That has always struck me as strange, but I do understand why.

The friends I have made at the Newcome Arms have led very divergent lives to the one I have experienced. Many of them have lived in this City since they were born and have used the pub I now work in for as long as they can remember. They have forged their way, struggled to make ends meet, married and had children, also following in their footsteps today. In many respects I would have preferred their peregrinations, but their vulnerabilities, successes and journeys are very different to mine and that's what makes them curious.

They ask questions, want to know answers and understand just what makes me who I am, just as I desire to understand them; 'straight' people have always been a mystery to me after all! For many I am the first gay man they have ever met and that scares them. Do I want to get them into bed? Do I want to turn them gay? Is homosexuality catching? I jest with the last one of course. However human beings are naturally inquisitive and I am a natural diva who doesn't mind being on display and the object of others fascination.

I enjoy being in the company of heterosexual people; as a microcosm of the community in which we all live, the customers and I tend to get on and respect each others boundaries; for that reason I am enjoying my shifts at the pub. The conversations we have don't only reflect sexuality, but also many taboo or rarely talked about subjects, from gender issues, politics, sex and of course general gossip about this person or that, not dissimilar to topics I would talk about in gay clubs and pubs in the past.

Relaxed and content conversing with people I would not otherwise have met is contagious, I am comfortable with who I am and despite our obvious differences, I am glad to be surrounded by some truly remarkable personalities, all of whom have a story to tell. Discussion about my life will gradually wain and wither, as curiosity turns to acceptance. At the moment it is just part of a process of getting to know each other, so for now I am delighted to flirt with the banter that surrounds my persona, play up when required and act on a cliche when necessary. When you work behind a bar, you are on public display and have to accept your role, a role that changes from person to person. Projecting a sense of ones true self, however small and well directed is all part of growing and evolving, allowing others to see the real unguarded, unabridged ultimate self. The final draft is still being written, the outcome uncertain, the plot ever changing, final words left unspoken, adapting to the changing mood!