A Brief Moment of Respite!

Thursday I was able to spend a few hours with family, a brief respite from the lonely World we are all living in at the moment. I haven't seen my Cousins for a while, due to the Coronavirus situation and don't think it is appropriate to put anyone at risk, by mixing at a time when COVID cases are rising across the country. I am in contact with many people on a daily basis and consequently avoid those closest if I can. Last week I told my Father I wouldn't be able to see him for the time being, because of the spiralling pandemic and not wanting to put him at risk. It is difficult to describe how I feel about this deep down, but frustrated and angry would be an understatement.

I suppose my annoyance is primarily directed towards the Government, as you would expect. They have got so much wrong during this crisis, the list is endless, but safe to say, they have acted appallingly in implementing measures too late and been weak in their half-hearted response. I am still following my own rules, which are harder than the Governments. I firmly believe we should have locked down completely, so we can try and delay the spread of this deadly disease before the winter months kick in. if we don't act now, we will be back in the same situation we were in during the spring and summer, during the first wave of the pandemic and that would be a disaster.

Spending time with friends and family is important for our own well-being; without the physical and emotional support they need, many people are suffering unimaginable loneliness and depression. The pain all of us are experiencing could have been avoided, if only we had followed scientific advice from day 1 and closed this country down. The second wave is giving us an opportunity to finally do the correct thing, but once again we can't get it right, and will spend the next four months watching the number of deaths rise uncontrollably.

This may well be the last time I spend the day with family until the spring. As the new tiered system of alert is rolled out across the nation, it is likely Portsmouth will slip into new restrictions as and when appropriate. The death rate per 100,000 is higher here now than the national average and that is probably due to the return of students and young people ignoring the guidelines. I am sick of doing the right thing, only for others to break the rules. All students should be working remotely from home, they shouldn't have been allowed to return to campuses, spreading the virus to their peers and consequently to the rest of the local population.

Like seventeen million others, I have downloaded the new NHS Track and Trace App. I felt it was part of my civic duty to do so; being brutally honest, I am regretting it. The app itself is easy to use, just leave it alone and it will do its thing, but I am being constantly bombarded by notifications informing me of potential exposure to the virus.

Not only are these messages frightening me half to death, but they are also completely useless. They give me no tangible information to use for my own protection, and I am left feeling irritated and confused about the action I should take. As soon as I click on these reports, to find out more, they disappear and I am left even more bewildered than I was before.

Take today as a perfect example - I had to attend my Doctors surgery for a blood test and as directed I scanned the surgery QR code, alerting the app to my whereabouts. Standing waiting to be seen, I received a 'Possible COVID-19 Exposure notification. Unable to move from my designated spot, I had to wait my turn to be seen, knowing that I am standing near to someone with symptoms. For someone like me, who suffers from anxiety, I don't mind telling you, I was panicking inside; I felt sick to my stomach.

One would have assumed that someone who had reported symptoms, shouldn't have even been in the surgery in the first place, certainly not in close proximity to others, potentially exposing them to the virus. Surely frightening people by sending these alerts in the first place, especially if there is no risk, is insane. There is no clear advice about what to do in these circumstances and for a layman like me, I am left with more questions than answers.

I have received other similar messages from the NHS and have been left rather confused about their nature and how to deal with their impact. This is a new application and it will of course evolve over time, but it is important that the general public are given more information. If you are encouraged to do everything the Government asks of you, then the least they can do is get it right. A notification of potential exposure is useless, if you don't know the circumstances behind it. Walking past someone in the street is a bit different to being stuck in a GP surgery, unable to get away.

I have known many people who have downloaded the NHS application, only to delete it later because of the lack of clarity, disappearing notifications and constant bombardment of data, messages and disinformation. I am more than willing to play my part but for God’s sake contact me when I need to be, not when I don't.

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This week Darrell and I became another seven days closer to seeing one another again, whenever that is. Our inability to see one another is taking its toll on both of us and I have been suffering from stress far more than usual. My anxiety levels have been gradually increasing since January this year, when COVID hit the headlines and it is unlikely to get any better soon. If my partner was here with me in the UK, things would be much easier to cope with, but we are where we are.

I am lucky to be in a relationship after twenty-five years; both of us have worked hard to overcome the difficulties we have endured, but there are others less fortunate, spending this period completely alone. Darrell and I are physically separated by 10,000 miles, but we are still very much attached emotionally.

Yesterday I phoned Mrs F, an older lady I befriended during the height of the pandemic, back in March. We are still in contact and I make sure I phone her when I can, to check that she is doing OK. Well our phone call yesterday suggested she wasn't faring too well and I spent longer than usual talking with her, offering advice and making her laugh. When I put the phone down, I realised just how lucky I am. I do have a family around me and a husband who I love, Mrs F is alone in the World and it is so important we look out for those who need it.

This bloody pandemic has been a strain on every one of us, but it has taught me the importance of friendship. As we enter this second wave I am mindful of the difficulties I face and intend to continue doing all I can to protect those closest. When we finally come out the other side, I hope I can look back and say I did the right thing, my conscience is clear and I feel stronger than ever, even if I wasn't always right. Do whatever you can to get through the next few months, things will get choppy for a while, but these days will surely end, as night turns to day!

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